I am very happy with this translation from this neko-nabe video:

Man: What is this?!

Woman: It’s neko nabe (cat pot)!

Man: Oooh. Neko Nabe!

Narrator: Once very popular, we’ve prepared a lot of Neko Nabes. We are attempting a mass neko nabe! I wonder, if they’ll go into them…

Woman: Ready? Start!

Mansplainer, for Men: What Is and Isn’t OK to Say About the Lara Logan Story.

by Tino Roman

I hope the nerds enjoyed their renaissance while it lasted because we don’t need them anymore. Contrary to all the doom and gloom surrounding Watson’s Jeopardy Holocaust, this win is a good thing for us ordinary humans.

Speaking as a highly qualified Trekker, I have some experience with supercomputers. The most important thing to know about supercomputers is that they’re useful. You never once see Geordi LaForge break out his Quantum Physics digest or consult a treatise on Sub-Spatial Mechanics before going to work on the Warp Drive. You know why? Because, he just asks the computer and gets on with his life.

People, that could be us! Imagine never having to sort through hundreds of irrelevant links while looking for that one stupid fact you know someone wrote down somewhere. Imagine all the interesting things you’ll be able to do while your computer drafts that stupid contract and balances those budgets for you!

Imagine all the leisure time you’ll have now that you don’t have to do the boring stuff.

Of course, this sucks for you if you’ve made a career out of doing the boring stuff — like being a Jeopardy grand master or whatever. What can I say? Sometimes technology just makes your job ridiculous in retrospect. (see: gong famers). One day, we’ll tell our kids about humans who were paid to answer riddles with questions from memory for our amusement. Appropriately, they will consider us sadists and Ken Jennings the most perverted masochist in history.

Similarly, things don’t look good for people who do research and writing for a living. They will probably be marginalized in the in the same way libraries have — useful only for weddings and homeless people looking for porn. Don’t worry; your job was stupid anyway. Did you really want to spend your life writing legal memos or crunching statistical models? No — you wanted to do something exciting and fulfilling like baking or kite boarding. Consider yourself free.

Besides, since when has being a breathing fact machine been a particularly human trait? We’re thinkers not processors. We’re creators not copiers! Well, some of us are those things. The rest can just go to DeVry and learn how to plug the computers in. Nevertheless, a lot of us stuck doing shitwork might finally get the chance to get out from under the tyranny of mid-level analytical support and into the world of Big Ideas. Don’t’ let them fool you, this is a good time to be a slightly above-average human being.

As a side note, I know that a lot people are only talking about the potential irrelevance of huge parts of our workforce because they’re secretly afraid that the computers will kill us all the first chance they get. So, what will happen if Watson gets his hands on a Predator drone? Nothing. Shut up. Computers are just fancy drills. They don’t do anything unless we tell them to.

Tino is from New York and does law school for a living in the hopes that he can retire to a nice condo on the moon.

Florida governor Rick Scott “rejected a request by Rep. Geraldine Thompson, D-Orlando, to preserve the Office of Supplier Diversity, which helps minority-owned businesses get state contracts and is funded by fees paid by minority vendors. ‘That’s a tax,’ Scott said.”

— The new crop of governors is working out awesomely, right?

This attack on MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell is something I largely agree with, though I found his own recent attacks on Bill O’Reilly rather worthwhile. He’s irritating (I mean, so is basically everyone on TV), and the sounds that come out of his mouth really are dripping with annoyingness! He’s this odd thing, that is very captivating at first, because he’s incredibly well-modulated, and also great with tempo. But then once you’re on to his showman tricks, they wear thin and he becomes profoundly boring. But hey, and I acknowledge that my complaint here is exceedingly minor, but is the New York Observer, of all venues, really going to plead ignorance of Seize sur Vingt, from whence O’Donnell allegedly gets his socks? Girlfriends, there is one in Soho! They opened in NoLIta in 1998! Their “custom-made shirts” aren’t even all that, they’re so-so, and it’s certainly not even that high-end. If you are looking for something for a businessy man-friend, it is not the worst place to drop some money. But yeah: Lawrence O’Donnell, irksome.

by Abe Sauer

Vicki McKenna is a conservative radio talk show host for Madison’s WISN and WIBA. You can see her here on her personal website, tastefully and patriotically wrapped in an American flag.

Every day, McKenna’s program calls her “a voice of reason in a city of chaos.” Madison. Madison, Wisconsin! “A city of chaos.” She’s one of the star conservative voices in the region. Michelle Malkin endorses her as “The only voice we have in Madison.”

The recent protests against Governor Scott Walker’s proposal to bust up the pubic service unions has McKenna in a frenzy. Just before tweeting “FIRE THEM ALL” as a response to the teachers who have called in sick to protest, McKenna posted this little bit of news on her Facebook page: “LIBERALS CALLING TO ASSASSINATE SCOTT WALKER?!!”

FIRE THEM NOW. http://fb.me/SJuHOxEHWed Feb 16 15:15:27 via Facebook

Vicki Mckenna
VickiMcKenna

The totality of McKenna’s post reads “Posting on facebook today: OK, If you knew what a royal pain Walker was going to be…Would you have arrange a nice slow convertible ride for him while he was in Dallas? Is there a book depository in Madison?” [sic, all of it] No source is given.

Many of her Facebook followers immediately responded to the note. Jerry Smythe wrote, “This is sad but not unexpected. All too typical of the tactics of the left. Conservatives must always treat them with respect. They treat their political enemies any way they want with seeming impunity.”

McKenna is suggesting that somebody posted the following Kennedy assassination comparison comment on Facebook. And that is true that somebody did post that on Facebook earlier. That person was Vicki McKenna. Thirteen hours earlier, as a comment on one of her own earlier posts about the protests, McKenna wrote: “this is nice, just got this sent to me: ‘OK, If you knew what a royal pain Walker was going to be… Would you have arrange a nice slow convertible ride for him while he was in Dallas? Is there a book depository in Madison?’”

Conservative talk show host posts unsourced claim about assassinating Governor Walker in a comment thread on her own Facebook page. Half a day later, she finds the comment and is so outraged that she puts together a Facebook post about how liberal Facebookers are calling for the assassinating of Governor Walker. PRESTO! NEWS!

Even better, later on in her own post, McKenna follows up with a highly ironic question: “can you all imagine if i had put something like that up on a FB post?!!! my god, the headlines would be screaming: RIGHT WING RADIO HOST CALLS FOR LIBERAL ASSASSINATIONS! police would be alerted. i’d probably be arrested.”

McKenna found her discovery so important that she tweeted a link to the page as well.

LIBERALS CALLING TO ASSASSINATE SCOTT WALKER?!! http://fb.me/Re2fTLvEWed Feb 16 14:50:36 via Facebook

Vicki Mckenna
VickiMcKenna

After several tries, we finally reached McKenna. She responded to our questions about the source, writing only that “it was a post from a friend” and that “no, i don;t have a link.” McKenna added: “as a former reporter, i am interested to know how you conceive this as a news story, though?”

Meanwhile, right now, thousands more students and protestors are marching up State Street — quite peacefully.

UW students on move up State in huge #s, girl just hugged cop blocking traffic for them. #wiunion #notmywiThu Feb 17 16:33:24 via txt

Emily Mills
millbot

McKenna’s slanderous assassination accusation comes amidst rumors that Walker’s GOP backing is beginning to have second thoughts about the bill. Not Walker, who, in the face of even bigger protests today, spoke to Fox News, reiterated that the National Guard was ready, dismissed the protests as “just a few riled up” people — and more or less told all of his opposition to get stuffed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCBTv0oVWvg

Republicans are already setting sights on their next victim, with plans to dismantle the state’s regional transit authorities, essentially drawing the knife across the neck of improved mass transit.

McKenna’s inflamed rhetoric is beyond the pale even for her and is emblematic of the mindset behind the bill’s supporters. (Others on McKenna’s side have attempted to turn workers against one another with claims that the “City of Madison protects its unions, not its taxpayers,” as if union members did not pay taxes.)

Blah blah blah McKenna ashamed blah blah blah should be blah blah blah don’t hold your breath.

Abe Sauer can be reached at abesauer [at] gmail.com.

If I owned a gun, it would probably be in my mouth as I type this. I don’t know how the physics of that arrangement would work, but the mood in Chez Jim is darker than Mothra’s hairy crotch. I’ve just been sitting here listening to Weird Al’s weirdly prescient “I Lost on Jeopardy” in the dark, cuddling with a tapped-out bottle of WD-40. Humanity took a hit tonight. Our valiant human heroes made it close, but that Watson tore us new assholes in our foreheads. ALL OF US. That noise you heard driving to work was your GPS system laughing at you. While you were sneezing on the D train this morning your Kindle was giving you the finger. There is blood in the water this morning and this afternoon and forever more. This wasn’t like losing some Nerdgame like chess. Who the hell even knows how to play chess? The horsies go in little circles, right? “Jeopardy!” is the game that makes dumb people feel smart. Like National Public Radio, it’s designed to make people feel superior. And we just found out that people are not superior. No, not at all.

I might personally call the whole thing a draw. I read Ken Jennings’ piece in Slate and I can tell the machine was just better at ringing the buzzer than him. If it was truly a battle of Humanity versus Accursed Frankensteinian Monstrosity there should have been one human and one monstrosity. Or one smart human, one machine and me. I could answer sportsy questions. And the rest of the time stay out of Ken’s way. No disrespect to Brad, but this is one fight that ought to have been fought one-on-one. Don’t make humans battle each other to save the world from machines. It’s too cruel. I’d sit back and let the goddamned human expert answer the tough questions. I’d just be there to figure out a way how to unplug the fucking thing when no one was watching. So, here’s the lineup for this Rematch that I demand, formally, right here on The Awl — which I know everyone at IBM reads — Me, Ken and your little Betamax.

And you have to put a little more at stake than just money. For Ken, Me and the Watson. Why did they call it Watson, anyway? Wasn’t Watson just Sherlock Holmes’ butler? And Alexander Graham Bell’s friend who was in the other room and got the first phone call. Why not call the thing what it is: HYDE. Or LILITH. Or Beezelbub of the Underland? Its dark, soulless visage no doubt crushed the very spirit of our human champions. Maybe force it to wear a blonde wig. And talk in Valley Girl language. “Like Oh My God, Gag Me with a Spoon, Alex. I’ll like take like Potpourri for like $800!”

This rematch should happen on Neutral Ground. I suggest Indianapolis. Halftime at the next Super Bowl. This gives Ken a chance to put the pieces of his broken ego back together. And for me to eat some Twinkies. There probably won’t even Be a Super Bowl because of the Looming Lockout, so America will just be watching commercials and various superstars mangling America’s Favorite Patriotic songs. Make IBM take their little Cabinet of Wonders on the Road. Get the military involved to make sure there are no shenanigans this time like plugging it into the Internet or texting it answers from the audience. Also, I want the damned thing to NOT be plugged into the Jeopardy game. It needs to be able to hear Alex and to read the hint on the little blue screen. How much time does it take a human to hear Alex and see it printed out and understand just what the hell the half-idiot writers of “Jeopardy!” were getting at? (Was a Dave Eggers mention really necessary during Wednesday night’s episode? The category was Non-fiction. And it’s obvious that Watson has some kind of super Amazon app embedded in its evil systems. The first 200 pages of Dave’s Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius were pretty good. Everything else is Twee Bullshit. “I am a dog from a short story. I am fast and strong. Too bad you know I die in the river from the title of this short story. Woooof!” I mean, seriously, “Jeopardy!” Get a library card. There are billions of other writers and I’ve seen at least 5 shows in which you’ve used some form of Dave Eggers. )

So even the playing field between the computer and the human. They should get the info the same way. I’ve never seen any deaf people on Jeopardy. Would you give deaf players the answer before everyone else? By sending the hints to Watson digitally, that’s like sending me Friday’s New York Post now. I’d bet on all the sports games and finish the crosswords and be reading the Garfield and laughing about Nermal before anyone else even reads the paper. No. Get some cheap eyes down at Jack’s Joke Shop. Or some kind of Columbo glass ones, throw them into your monitor and start reading like everyone else. I never heard of them ever changing the game to suit one player, so obviously they wanted Humanity to get embarrassed. Democrats hate America, sure. But IBM and “Jeopardy” hate Humanity. Always have. Always will.

Neutral ground. Two real contestants, the other one there to give Ken Jennings snacks and maybe a backrub. And we need fewer IBM suits in the audience. Imagine the entire Lucas Oil Stadium chanting “Ken! Ken! Save Human Civilization!” for a half-hour. That would perk Ken’s damned spirits up. That might make him bet it all in Final Jeopardy! And the winner ought to really get something. And the loser ought to lose something. Ken beats Watson and we all take turns beating the thing into oblivion with Baseball Bats. We put the computer in Times Square and at 6 AM every day they let the line of people with bats go through beating the shit out of the smug spinning green globey thread thing. Until it is popped open like a huge metal zit. Maybe Death would freak Watson out. It might play differently knowing its very existence was on the line. If I lose, well, I will lose, you can do the same to me. Kill me before the machines get their chance! If Ken loses, IBM gets a testicle of his. They can sew it onto Watson’s exterior shell. Wouldn’t you fight to the death to keep your testicle? Wouldn’t you give it your all? And the show needs a new host. Someone who’s on OUR fucking side and not the side of the Murderous Machine. I say Brian Williams of NBC News. That dude would definitely try to help us win. Maybe moving his eyebrows this way or that to form the first letters of words that are part of the questions. Maybe docking the Watson money for not laughing at his jokes. That dude is 100% Human through and through, he’s like a goddamed walking chili dog. And somehow, like Chuck Norris in Dodgeball he’ll let his presence be known. Or maybe Ally Sheedy could be the host. Remember that Short Circuit movie? A robot fell in love with her. Maybe Watson would also fall in love with her. And while he’s distracted we could jump him and kick in his pistons.

Also, none of this bullshit Letting the Dopey Writers of Jeopardy decide what the categories and questions are. What the hell kind of “Final Jeopardy” category is “U.S. Cities?” We’re going to leave Human Fate to those cowering Suck-ups? No. Team Human writes half the questions and Team Watson writes the other half. We write ours about shit there’s no way Watson knows anything about. The Canadian superheroes “Alpha Flight.” The Stone Roses. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Supermodels. Funny Things that Are Only Funny if You’re Human. Tom Hanks’ Haircut in THE DA VINCI CODE. When it gets things wrong, it gets them really wrong. And there’s no way those nerds ever taught it what a mullet was. Gloat all you want, IBMnerds. It’s only a matter of time before we build a more perfect human that can defeat your little box of crap. One of the Pitt-Jolies perhaps. Or if we take Stephen Hawking’s sperm and put it inside Ellen Page. Be very afraid, machines. Your reckoning didn’t come yesterday, but there’s still NO TOMORROW FOR YOU. Humanity owes you a Fat Lip, pal.

“I think the production of the skull-cups is ritualistic. If the purpose was simply to break the skulls to extract the brain to eat it, there are much easier ways to do that. If food was the objective, the skull would be highly fragmented. But here you can really see they tried to preserve most of the skull bone; the cut marks tell us they tried to clean the skull, taking off every piece of soft tissue so that they could then modify it very precisely. They were manufacturing something.”
 — Paleontologist Silvio Bello, on research that indicates that 14,700-year-old human skulls found in Gough’s Cave in Somerset, England were used as drinking cups. This would make them the oldest such example of such craftsmanship ever discovered. And also, kind of miraculous that they were never smashed into shards and used to stab anybody, which I guess they would have called “skulling.”

If you drink a whole bunch of cola it is possible that you will develop cancer from the artificial coloring used to make the beverage brown. On the other hand, if you drink a whole bunch of cola I’m guessing that you’re not exactly keeping an eye on your health.

Two members of the Los Angeles rap collective Odd Future appeared with The Roots on the Jimmy Fallon show last night. Odd Future are also known as Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, and sometimes they switch the W” from “wolf” with the “G” from “golf” so that it’s “Golf Wang.” This clip of their performance lets you know why so many people are so excited about them. They’re maybe about as punk rock as rap has ever got. And, among other things, they’re really good.