Seth Colter Walls: Hi Cord Jefferson! Is there any new rap music that you have thoughts on or that you like especially? And if you say “Tyler” or “Odd Future,” I will stab you in your esophagus!

Cord Jefferson: Ha! Yes, I feel like I’ve said all I need to say. Everybody’s said all they need to about Tyler and Odd Future.

Seth: Oh, they will pull you back in before long, I’m sure. But yes, let’s talk Rap A.T. (After Tyler.)

Cord: Within the past two weeks, I have developed a deep, deep obsession with a rapper out of Queens called Action Bronson. I’m more excited about him than I’ve been about any rapper since I was about 15 or 16.

Seth: Where did you learn of him? Message board? Record review?

Cord: A friend from Arizona texted me a couple weeks ago and told me to listen to him on YouTube. And since then I’ve done that thing where you watch literally every YouTube video about a person, whether it be a song or just some dinky, terribly produced interview.

Seth: Aha. Correct. And there are lots of videos of Action Bronson on the internet! He has a cooking show.

Cord: His cooking show! I’ve watched all of those twice even though they’re all so meat heavy and I’m a vegetarian.

Seth: He has some weirdly charming freestyles where his throat dries up and he has to take a sip of water.

Cord: You’ve hit the nail on the head with the word “charming.” Everyone I’ve introduced AB to has used that word.

Seth: Yeah — it’s … refreshing? He’s not a softy by any means, but it’s rather easy to root for him. (Slash, look past the obvious Ghostface influence.)

Cord: Very. Charm is a lost artform in rap.

Seth: When did it die, do you think?

Cord: Biggie had it, Ghostface has it, Tupac had it to an extent. I really don’t know if you can pinpoint when it died. But there are very few rappers anymore who approach the music with a playfulness.

Seth: I think Yelawolf is actually pretty good at this, though!

Cord: I agree with that. I think the problem is everyone trying to “out-real” one another. Goofy and silly is no longer a virtue. There is a scene in the video for “Get Off My PP” —

Seth: (Also: that title! It’s like a Funkadelic song.)

Cord: Totally! But in this scene, AB is standing on some overpass in loafers, basketball shorts, an old rugby shirt of some kind and what looks to be a fur fedora. And you can see in his eyes that he knows he looks ridiculous, but he just doesn’t care.

Seth: Yes: it seems an actually pure form of not “giving a fuck”!

Cord: And I remember thinking to myself — as I do a lot when watching his videos — that there is maybe two or three rappers around right now with that sort of mentality. And what makes it even more amazing in AB’s case is that he’s not even that famous!

Seth: Lots of people profess to give very few fucks. But look quite studied while insisting on this.

Cord: It would be one thing if he were at the top of the rap game and giving a big middle finger to everyone else. But as of now he’s a relative no-name, and he’s still saying fuck convention.

Seth: Do you think he can blow up? The new album, “Dr. Lecter,” is admirably focused (40-some minutes) and basically a party from start to finish.

Cord: Yeah, I think he’s going to be huge. This is very adult rap! And adults are looking for some good rap!

Don’t worry everyone that misses the boat now don’t try to hop on when its a Yacht.less than a minute ago via ÜberSocial

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Seth: The line that really won me over came in “Ronnie Coleman” (which has lots of good lines, about Action’s weight issues and food desires, etc.) … but it was “I wanna wear Italian clothing / but it just don’t cut it.”

Cord: That song is brilliant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocy7Osui_9U

Seth: Even when he is rhyming “me” with “me,” his flow is really great? “Lock the refrigerator / there’s no controlling me / Steak and chocolate got they mothafuckin hold on me”!

Cord: YES! Do you think he sounds like Ghostface?

Seth: Mostly in the nasal department I guess? Not in terms of flow. Or in terms of, like, patois. Action’s not on any kind of abstruse Wu-style lexicon.

Seth: Also, Ghostface hasn’t been this hungry … since Supreme Clientele! (Sorry, I do love that song from Fishscale, “The Champ”!)

Cord: (Me too.)

Seth: (Just Blaze!)

Cord: A funny story about that song is that I once played it for my then-girlfriend and at the part when he says, “Rip your guts out like a hysterectomy,” she said, “That’s not how a hysterectomy works.” Not a big rap fan.

Seth: Ladies all literal all the time. So here is a question. Will it matter that Action is, or will be read as, The White? (I think he’s Albanian. But, you know, he will be read as caucasian. The Times goes with “white.”)

Cord: I don’t know! I feel gross to admit that I’ve wondered about his race. Haven’t you?

Seth: I’ve seen the question crop up in a lot of comment threads already. I came to Action through a YouTube rip of a song off of Dr. Lecter. One of those YouTube rips that’s just an album cover. And the Dr. Lecter cover is a cartoonish thing! There’s a hint of a Ginger-ish beard on it? But I really didn’t realize (by googling in other tabs) until the end of the song that he might be white, etc. Which was interesting, because I was already quite sold!

Cord: Unlike Eminem’s, his voice contains no traces of whiteness. Here’s the thing about his whiteness. The only reason I feel it may be a hindrance is because of where he’s from. If you look at all the most successful white rappers — Em, Atmosphere, Yela, etc. — you’ll notice that they all come from very specific places with not necessarily the strongest rap scenes. So cutting it as a white rapper in the birthplace of hip-hop might be a challenge. That said, I think his flow is simply far too great to go unnoticed because of his race. I’d really like to think so, at least.

Seth: So I only have Dr. Lecter (I paid for it on Amazon! C’mon people, it’s a self-released thing. Pay for it.) Have you heard the mixtapes and such?

Cord: I’ve heard Dr. Lecter. I’ve heard some singles he put out. Specifically the Statik Selektah produced “Cliff Notes,” which is probably my favorite yet because it sounds like it was produced by DJ Premier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brLkWas0DSo

Seth: And here is a freestyle over a Primo beat, from it looks like 2009?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZPZk3GrBHg

Cord: Now, I think we’d be remiss if we didn’t compare it to Odd Future, especially after last week.

Cord: Despite what I said earlier!

Cord: OK, this may be long but here’s the thing: I really, really tried to listen to “Goblin.” I really did.

Seth: Uh huh.

Cord: But at a certain point, I honestly felt ridiculous. There I was, a guy pushing 30, and I’m listening to a 19-year-old kid scream “BITCH SUCK DICK!” over bad beats. And I thought, “Hmmmmmm. Why am I doing this to myself? What purpose does this serve?” I like Steely Dan and waking up early, man!

Seth: It’s not a great record? (And I liked Bastard!) But it will win this year’s award for Record That Will Receive The Largest Haul of Excuses From Critics. Which counts for something.

Cord: Oh, totally. The accolades it’s getting already are astounding! Are people listening the same thing we did?

Seth: I’m not sure, in light of your earlier Root piece, that it’s all about White Critics fetishizing either. (Though that’s an element.) I think, to draw an analogy to the economy, that as an Internet Concern, Tyler has become too big to fail. If it’s the case that his 73-minute record is just overbloated and doesn’t have much new to offer, we can’t SAY THAT — because it retroactively invalidates about 100,000 lines of journalistic credit that are tied to thinkpieces which would then be underwater.

Cord: That’s an amazing description and I’m jealous I didn’t write it.

Seth: I mean, like the economy, Tyler will fail EVENTUALLY if he doesn’t restructure. But the critical culture will artificially extend that lifeline for a bit.

Cord: That is so right on. To me, how this relates to Action Bronson is that he’s the first rapper in a long while — and I believe I said this earlier — who is for adults.

Seth: And not like, in a uber-serious way, either! It’s like for adults who remember and still have emotional access to fun. Which is a tricky balance.

Cord: Not only does his flow harken back to a different time in hip hop, he also raps about eating capers and drinking good wine and getting stoned. Exactly, like, getting stoned and cooking elaborate meals? I KNOW THAT PERSON! I AM GOOD FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON SEVERAL TIMES OVER!

Seth: Hurray for adulthood. It Gets Better, children.

Cord: Does it ever.

Cord Jefferson writes for The Root. Seth Colter Walls writes for his Tumblr.

“Candidate or not, Mr. Christie is a force to reckon with in the contest, someone who political analysts say could influence his party’s nomination, or make a splash as a choice for running mate — another prospect he rules out. The governor shows no sign of fading into the background, and by his own admission, he loves the attention.”

Here is the new song from Bon Iver. Just kidding. That is an old song from Stevie Winwood. Here is the new song from Bon Iver, and also below. (But there’s something sort of similar, right?) Also, I like both these songs, and I’m very excited about the forthcoming Bon Iver album, which is set to arrive next month.

Yeah, sure, it’s gimmicky, but sometimes gimmicky can be fun: “We took songs from the American Hipster songbook (MGMT, Strokes, White Stripes) and re-imagined them as arrangements for a civilized dinner party for the transitioning adult Hipster. Introducing — The Jingle Punks Hipster Orchestra which is our favorite ‘hipster approved’ songs washed through the Mark Mothersbaugh filter.”

Saturday morning, after picking up my kid from his art class, I was walking with him on East 11th Street, across from St. Mark’s Church, when we came upon a boy, looked to be about ten years old, lying on the sidewalk. His eyes were closed, and though I could see him breathing, for a moment, I wondered whether something bad had happened — whether I would have to call 911, and whether my own kid was about to witness something much heavier than I would ever want for him to witness. Three guys walking in front of us had fanned out to step around around him, slowing to inspect the scene. As my kid, who is six, and I did the same, I scanned the street for clues as to what was going on. Twenty feet away, standing in a doorway to a building, I saw two man standing and talking and looking toward the prone boy. “I don’t know, it’s like some kind of performance art or something,” one of them said, and they both chuckled and shook their heads in a way that told me that the speaker was the dad.

So, phew, I thought. But also, I judged the guy for allowing this kind of “performance art” to take place on his watch. It was a crowded sidewalk. The guys in front of me had almost tripped over the boy. I had come close to doing the same myself. Even more than that, I didn’t appreciate the moment of worry and fright. Had this boy heard the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Hadn’t his father?

“Daddy,” my kid asked once we out of earshot. “Why was that boy lying down on the sidewalk?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“He shouldn’t lie there like that. I almost kicked him.”

“I agree,” I said.

Of course, the boy on the sidewalk was doing something called “planking,” which has all of Australia in turmoil, since they have to put forward planking-related death education.

Even worse news? Now the kids are starting pillaring.

“Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he would not seek the presidency, a development less important for the Republican field or his national political future — if he ever had one — than for what it said about a media culture that increasingly seems to give the spotlight to the loudest, most outrageous voices.”
 — Thanks for explaining, New York Times! Here are the 91 most recent articles in the Times

that mention Donald Trump — from just the last 30 days. Knocking out the most casual mentions of Trump, you’re left with more than half that number.

We talk quite a lot of smack about France here, because we can. But one of the underlying points is that, in our terrible American high school educations, we’re taught that there are countries “like” ours (France, England, Italy and maybe now Germany), countries that are less-good versions of ours (Mexico, Canada, Australia), countries that are disasters (Russia, India) and countries that are weird and scary (Japan, Honduras, Philippines, “Africa”). And this isn’t true at all, and in the actual practice, France is as “alien” in terms of operational ideas as, well… Senegal and Algeria. (Heh.) The usual history lesson here goes something like “de Tocqueville blah blah,” and since then we’re basically the same country — but that couldn’t be more wrong. And we are bizarre to them, which is why the French are horrified at how we treat the arrested in general (as in, with a lack of dignité), among other things. This is why we have the bizarre and somewhat paranoid ramblings of Bernard-Henri Lévy today, whose last official act as dominant philosopher was to send France to war with Libya. To us it is incredibly absurd that he can write “I am troubled by a system of justice modestly termed ‘accusatory,’ meaning that anyone can come along and accuse another fellow of any crime.” The French horror at our criminal justice system is not unreasonable, all told — Americans should as well be horrified at the way we’ve created an immense second class of semi-citizens in the prison industrial complex. But in terms of operational principles of accusation and trial? I can’t even imagine another way! And neither can BHL, who has no conception that to us, the ability to accuse is considered a foundation of equality.

The Very Best Of Eurovision 2011!

by Alix Nunan

Another year, another exciting four hours of campy delight from our friends in Europe. On Saturday, Düsseldorf played host to the Eurovision Song Contest. This year featured more boy bands, more hair product, and more monocles than any other Eurovision. You read that right. Monocles.

If you’re tragically unaware of the Eurovision Song Contest, the basic idea is this: participating countries in Europe and vaguely Europe-adjacent areas submit a song that has not been used previously for commercial purposes. Everyone performs, and Europe picks their favorite by a combination of popular vote and jury panel. You cannot vote for your own country, which means that voting quickly morphs into a bizarrely political popularity contest. Someone could teach a class on European Politics using Eurovision voting as the main source material. The final outcome of the contest rarely seems to have anything to do with singing.

So why would you care about such a competition? Well, mostly, because it’s hilarious. Take the classic entry from Ukrainian cross-dressing personality Verka Serduchka shown above. That was Europe’s second favorite entry in 2007. This shit is golden. Let’s see what 2011 had to offer the world!

Most Insane: Moldova
The performance that everyone will remember from this year is Moldovan entry Zdob şi Zdub, “So Lucky.” This was the monocle song. Also included: cone hats, mad unicycle skills.

Biggest Upset: Jedward
Former X-Factor contestants Jedward were the most talked about entry of this year. In the week leading up to Eurovision, these Irish identical twins consistently topped Google’s Eurovision Predictor Gadget, based on search data. Granted, there was no quality check on those searches, so the high count could very well have been thanks to searches like “Why are these psycho twins invading Europe?” or “How flammable is Jedward’s hair?” Jedward is notoriously polarizing, featuring both huge entertainment value and extremely irritating personalities. Their song “Lipstick” will almost certainly get stuck in your head, and their performance, described by UK commentator Graham Norton as “fueled by a heady mix of sugary drinks and hairspray fumes,” is not something that anyone will soon forget. So after all the hype, it was pretty surprising when they finished a mediocre eighth in the final.

Biggest Disappointment: European Voting
As usual, Europe’s voting defies logic, with Azerbaijan coming first, Italy second, and Sweden third. Winner Azerbaijan was… dull. In fact, their performance was only noteworthy as “the duet where they kept caressing each other.” Upon rewatching, the song is sort of generically catchy, but there were several equally catchy songs this year. For instance, the UK’s Blue sang a similarly genred “I Can” and finished 10th despite an established fan-base. Since Azerbaijan is not a juggernaut of European politics, it’s unclear why this song was singled out as the best, especially since Azerbaijan may or may not be in Asia. Also strange: the female lead came out for the encore carrying neighboring Turkey’s flag.

Sweden’s “Popular” was the only remotely memorable entry of the three, largely thanks to the lead singer shattering a pane of glass during his performance. But even that mark is on tenuous ground since they had compete with Greece, Russia, and the UK for the title of “Now which boy band was that?”

Lastly: Italy. Italy has been absent from the competition since 1997, and returned with a vengeance to come in second. Unfortunately, their song begs the question, “you had fourteen years and that’s the best you could come up with?” Will Arnett said it well in a tweet during the broadcast, “thanks for the intermission Italy.”

Most Offensive Portion of the Night: Moldovan Window-Washer
Before each act performs, there’s a little bit of filler about the country going onstage. Only, this year, host country Germany decided that it would be a good idea to use these segments to showcase how emigrants from elsewhere in Europe are supporting its economy and culture. Russia contributed a prima ballerina to the great country of Deutschland, the Danes compete against them in sailing, and Lithuania generously teaches German children how to ski. But the only Moldovan they managed to find was a window washer. This is like the US hosting the (sadly fictional) Amerivision Song Contest and showcasing a field of migrant workers picking vegetables in our clip on Mexico. Worse still, the Moldovan feature and performance was immediately followed by the German segment, which highlighted the emcees getting glammed up for the night. I imagine that back in the dressing rooms, Moldovan window-washers were polishing mirrors with old toothbrushes.

Most Magical Performance: Estonia
Because there was a magic trick! Ok truthfully, I only included this because apparently this girl played Sharpay in the Estonian High School Musical. She looks like an Eastern European Rachel Berry — fitting, because everyone knows that Rachel Berry is the Sharpay of “Glee.”

Overall Outcome/Most Promise for Next Year:
Despite Europe’s best efforts to be boring with their voting, 2011 had some of the best entries of recent Eurovisions. The costumes were tackier, the songs less substantive (you’d be amazed how many numbers prominently featured the lyric “da da dum” or some similar variant thereof) and the voting more baffling than ever before. And ths heightened level of insanity brought more American attention to the competition than usual. Maybe this means we’ll finally get our own broadcast of the contest instead of being forced to stream it online. Will Arnett even offered this via Twitter on Saturday: “if someone can figure it out, David Cross and I are offering to host next year..for reals…let’s make it happen.” For the love of tacky outfits, European politics and psycho twins, someone please get on this.

Alix Nunan is a human being who lives in Washington, DC. She writes the blog The Importance of Being Alix.

Since it’s apparently Ladies’ Day on The Awl, let us direct you to the best damn estate jewelry column on the Internet. Now you know!

The Daily Mail reports on a troubling incident that may very well change the shape of the 2012 presidential race and have wide reaching ramifications for the fate of the free world.

President Barack Obama was making his way across the taxiway at the Air National Guard base in Tennessee when he suffered every networker’s nightmare — watching his BlackBerry smartphone fly out of his grasp and clutter onto the ground.

No big deal, you say? Ah, that’s where you’re wrong! The Mail sets you straight on what’s at stake.

Not the best result for even ‘normal’ people — but it’s tantamount to an international incident if the leader of the free world is without contact information.

Chilling, to be sure. But how did it happen?

After the obligatory wave at the top of the staircase, Mr Obama descended to the tarmac and set off on his trademark half-jog across the taxiway to greet military personnel and well-wishers.
And that’s when the trouble started. The phone jiggled free and crashed down onto the hard surface

Please do click through, there are photos that chronicle to whole terrifying experience. Still, it wasn’t as damaging as it could have been. Notes the paper, “Thankfully, the phone seemed to come through the incident unaffected — thanks to a sturdy-looking case.” Perhaps even more reassuringly,

Mr Obama took the crisis in his stride, however, even bending down to pick up the phone himself as Secret Service agents scrambled to his aid.

Well, thank God for that. Still, very very worrying.

Photo by rowdyman, from Twitter.