Well, it is fun to run the numbers on exactly what “sort” of person runs a wedding announcement in Vows (technically now called “Weddings/Celebrations,” which is so dull). The numbers are useful and also, sure, about what you’d expect. Harvard. Credit Suisse. Gay. That sort of thing. But two things: our trusty researcher friends here are comparing education and job credentials to the “average American,” which, oh no. Vows is a section that is for New Yorkers, not average Americans. And New York is a funny place. (Full of gays who went to Harvard.) But then also they’re dismissing self-selection in a totally untoward way, writing: “There’s also no easy way to rule out a self-selection bias. (Theoretically, 9.4 percent of the people who want to be in the wedding section could have Harvard degrees…)” Um, I would say that that is way more than true? You have to submit to Vows a minimum of six weeks in advance, and the submission form is quite lengthy. In fact, it’s so long that as you start to fill it out, you have time to realize that it’s all basically for snobby gay a-holes who work at Credit Suisse and then you stop filling it out, if you have any real sense. Once it’s like “AND WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER DO FOR A LIVING?” you’re like, oh God, who cares, go pound sand. (Seriously, their sample form goes like this: “(first celebrator’s) father, who is retired, was a (job title/I.D. here) in (location here) for (company/organization name here). (his/her) mother is a (job title/I.D. here) in (location here) for (company/organization name here).” Which is so LOL! It’s like the worst and least-fitting game of Mad Libs ever.) Anyway then you’re like “Why do I want stupid people to read about MY SPECIAL DAAAAAY?” and you realize that you’d like to retain some dignity, instead of splashing it in the faux society pages. Besides if you’re gay, there’s likely another wedding in another state or country coming your way soon, so you can always reapply later. Suckas.

Now that you mention it, blinging out pacifiers and baby bottles does seem somewhat unwise.

A thing to do this coming Saturday: “Transmissions,” a day-long conference on literature and the first thirty years of HIV. Three events throughout the day, at the New School’s Wollman Hall:

11 a.m.: THE LITERATURE OF AIDS FROM 1981–1995, with David France, Michael Denneny, Larry Kramer, Sarah Schulman, John Weir, and Edmund White.

2 p.m.: THE LITERATURE OF AIDS FROM 1996–2011, with Rabih Alameddine, Gary Indiana, Zia Jaffrey, Amy Scholder, and Max Steele.

7 p.m. READING with Rabih Alameddine, Michael Denneny, Gary Indiana, Zia Jaffrey, John Kelly, Larry Kramer, Jennie Livingston, Amy Scholder, Max Steele, John Weir, and Edmund White.

Pop quiz: What’s “the fashion equivalent of telling a child Santa doesn’t exist”?

“Treat the toast with reverence.” Truer words, etc.

Today marks the 50th birthday of German gourmet Armin Meiwes. To learn more, read this.

I am usually more than a little dubious about the Sun’s medical advice, but this suggestion that two glasses of red wine a day can reduce your risk of a cold by 40% — which, if my math is right, means 5 glasses a day can eliminate it altogether — seems so sensible and correct that I dare not doubt it’s accuracy.

“If Hollywood had a bad summer at the Box Office, I think we can all agree that was because Green Lantern sucked, not that ‘David After Dentist’ was so good on YouTube that we all stayed home.”
 — What happens when all books are free, as they are at Baltimore’s The Book Thing?

11. I wish cats were a little bit taller, I wish cats were a baller.

10. Two of cats. Two cats that beat as one.

9. Little cat Corvette. Gato, you’ve got to slow down.

8. I’m looking at that cat in the mirror. I’m asking cats to change their ways.

7. Will things ever be the same again? It’s the final catdown!

6. Gato, gato cat. I want to be a gato cat.

5. If there’s a cat up in here it’s gonna leave with me when I do, I do. (Touch my cats, put them on the floor, play with them some more.)

4. Don’t you wish your catfriend was a freak like me?

3. Cats with small talk and small minds really don’t impress me in beeeedddd.

2. You can cats. You can cats. Everybody look at your cats.

1. Thank you for being a cat. You’re a cat and a confidante.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9IscZMYYw0

“As we’re almost done with creating its key operating system, we are now working on refining its details to make it look more friendly to inmates.”
 — Professor Lee Baik-Chu of Kyonggi University, on the Asian Forum for Corrections’ plans to begin a month-long trial deployment of four-wheeled, 5-foot-tall mobile surveillance robots in a prison in Pohang, South Korea in March. The robots “will feature cameras as well as different kinds of sensors to help them in their primary task, that is to detect risky behaviour including violence and suicide.” But don’t worry. “The robot is not a security guard. His work is not to stop the violence in prison,” says professor Lee Good-Chul of the Corrections Forum. “They are just helpers.” [Via]