Party On, Wayne
The Flaming Lips frontman is still jabbing
Remember when celebrities feuded via magazine interviews constantly? And how, because there were no DMs, it was the only way for them to really communicate with each other? We all got to bear witness to our favorite stars seeming mortal and flawed, and pick sides based on who had said what to a [Profile Writer] over [signature cocktail] at [a hotel bar].
I bring this up because Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne used an interview with “Newsweek” this week to toss some pettiness in Kanye West’s direction, and if that sounds like a sentence from the year 2004 to you, you are correct. But somehow all of this unfolded in February of 2017, and I for one am rejoicing.
When asked if he had any regrets about calling Kanye West a “pompous idiot” recently, Coyne said:
Well, no. It was around that time [when West said he would have voted for Trump]. He’s so connected with the Kardashians. Maybe he feels like he’s got to out-shock them. But I would tell Kanye, if I were around him again, I would say, “Dude, people like your music. Don’t make it so difficult to like you.…” It’s like, you know, dude, if you need attention that bad, go get it. Run for office yourself. I don’t care.
And when the interviewer reminded him that West had mentioned potentially running in 2020, Coyne replied:
I hope he does! I think it’d be fun. I think it’d be funny. I don’t think he’ll win. And I don’t think he’ll like it. I think he’d probably quit it like he quit his own tour.
Catty ego mess! From one commercially popular artist to another commercially popular artist! In print! Where the highest stakes are, Will Kanye read this and reply?
An offhanded jab like “when he quit his own tour” is a throwback to a simpler time, where we were bowling with bumpers on the lanes of celebrity. How delicious.
A Nice Show To Watch Right Now Is "Detroiters"
Have yourself a little Midwestern joke-snack.
Everything is constantly so unimaginably bad, but one thing that is good is “Detroiters,” which premiered on Comedy Central last night. I watched “Detroiters” on the Comedy Central website this morning while I ate breakfast because I don’t have cable. I laughed a normal amount and felt good after watching it. I’d highly recommend it in a sea of online articles telling you which TV shows to watch.
The show stars Sam Richardson (whom you might know as perfect sweetie-boy Richard Splett from “Veep”) and Tim Robinson (who you might know from some of his Saturday Night Live work or his immaculate episode of “The Characters” on Netflix). Both of them are Detroit natives who came up in the Chicago comedy scene. Richardson leans more towards an “aw, shucks” type of good-natured sensibility in his comedy, whereas Robinson can vary wildly from normal-to-awkward line delivery to, as seen in the above hyperlinked “The Characters” link, totally off the fucking rail. The trappings of a perfect buddy comedy, you see.
In “Detroiters,” the two play Sam and Tim (of course!), two low-rent ad men trying to make it big in Detroit. Sound like, uh, nothing else on TV? Fair enough, because there is always a dearth of comedian-led comedies about things that aren’t, you know, comedy or shows set outside of New York City or Los Angeles. They’re just two guys trying to do their jobs, whether it’s landing a big deal or filming a new commercial with the local hot tub seller. The stakes are low, the laughs are frequent.
I’ve been a big fan of both Richardson and Robinson since — get ready, I’m gonna play the card — their comedy days. When I was starting out, they were the big fish; in a sea of $5 Harold nights, these were the kinds of guys you’d actually pay to see when they were up onstage. Not only is it wild and fun to see these two on TV, but it’s also nice to see a sitcom with some Midwest sensibility to it. I remember showing a coast-based friend one of their sketches from back in the day, who tepidly responded with, “no offense, but this is very Chicago.” No shit! They were doing sketch comedy in Chicago, often meaning the jokes were steeped in specificity of character rather than one-liners.
What I mean to say is: “Detroiters” is nice. It’s well-meaning. It’s the best possible example of one of my favorite Vines. It’s not steeped in pop culture references and it doesn’t get by on snark about its subjects. It’s laughing with its middle-class, Midwestern protagonists, not at their expense! To set a sitcom in Detroit could raise concerns, political or otherwise, but these are two guys putting a show in a city they know best, that’s all. It’s not saying much about Detroit other than, “these are the people who live here, who, to be honest, are pretty similar to you and me.”
Anyway, here is a perfect joke:
I’m so happy https://t.co/65Agh54gfO
Fran Hoepfner is a writer and comedian living in Chicago.
How To Complain
Tegan and Sara put on a clinic
One of humanity’s most precious art forms is the complaint. It can be good for our health, and we love it when people do it well. The asshole who yells, “THIS MACHINE’S DUMB!” at the ATM might not get a round of applause, but when someone shows some craftsmanship? Hoo! It really gets us going.
Which at least partially explains why a press release Tegan and Sara posted today is making such waves. After being honored with three Juno nominations for their music, the pair released a statement that effectively communicated, “Cool. Now while I have your ear…”
The sister duo would like Canada’s music industry to think a little more about gender, but what’s so satisfying about their stand specifically is that they anticipate every potential criticism they’ll receive and nip it in the bud. It’s the difference between listening to a roast from your best friend instead of someone you just met—the intimacy intensifies the burn.
Worried that by pointing out the lack of female nominees they’re detracting from the excitement surrounding the few other women who are being recognized? “We congratulate all the artists who were nominated today and commend the Junos for recognizing two Canadian legends, Sarah McLachlan and Buffy Sainte-Marie, for two of the night’s most prestigious awards…”
Think they’re on a high horse now that their careers have taken off? “We sincerely appreciate the support we have received from CARAS, our record label, our agents, managers, promoters, radio programmers, journalists and the countless other establishments and individuals who have supported us since we began our career.”
Worried they’re only looking out for singers like themselves and not the other women in the industry who support them? “Specifically in the areas of production and engineering, it is discouraging to not see a single woman represented.”
It is…….a perfectly filed complaint. Some PR person did it, and they did a good job. Everyone look at this complaint and then do more complaints this way from now on.
The Houdini Suicide
What’s going on in southern Louisiana?
This is rough reading, but required.
The police said that Victor White III, while detained in the back seat of a locked police car, his hands shackled behind his back, had committed suicide by shooting himself in the back with a handgun that an officer had not found during an earlier search. New Iberia, a small city surrounded by sugar cane 100 miles west of New Orleans, is bisected by railroad tracks. North of the tracks, where residents are predominantly white, most believed that Victor White III committed suicide. In the largely black neighborhoods south of the tracks, most residents shared the Whites’ conviction that their son was executed by the cops. In the months of heartbreak and rage that followed, New Iberians tended to believe the official account of the “Houdini suicide” to the extent that they approved of the performance of Louis Ackal, the sheriff of Iberia Parish.
Soundscan Surprises, Week of 2/2
Back-catalog sales numbers of note from Nielsen SoundScan.
The definition of “back catalog” is: “at least 18 months old, have fallen below №100 on the Billboard 200 and do not have an active single on our radio.”
Sales numbers were pretty crappy last week on the back catalog, I must say. George Michael is still in the number one spot, even though he (“his estate”?) sold nineteen per cent fewer records than last week (and even though he is still dead). The Avalanches, whoever they are, had a vinyl reissue of their debut album. New Edition is still riding the BET wave, Blind Melon (Blind Melon!!!!!!!) is celebrating the 20th Anniversary of Soup, their second album, which was released eight weeks before the death of their lead singer Shannon Hoon, from a drug overdose. Lee Strobel is an ex-Atheist who found God and is now a Christian apologist (he used to be an investigative journalist AND a lawyer, the worst kind of scum!). His book, The Case for Christ, is now a film. And Invitation is his…worship album slash story of his case for God sold more copies than Al Green’s Greatest Hits last week. Go figure. Anyway Metallica is back near the top, God bless Metallica.
3. METALLICA METALLICA 3,830 copies
6. NEW EDITION ALL THE NUMBER ONES 3,289
7. NEW EDITION HEART BREAK 3,260
117. STROBEL*LEE INVITATION NARRATED BY LEE STR 1,009 copies
143. AVALANCHES SINCE I LEFT YOU 952 copies
173. BLIND MELON SOUP 865 copies
(Previously.)
Follow Val Kilmer's Twitter
Abstract art and random access memories.
I know I spent much of yesterday bellyaching on the topic of celebrities using social media, but it’s not like they’re going to suddenly stop. So while we’re all here we might as well enjoy ourselves. So here’s a pro tip: unfollow the people who keep retweeting Donald Trump into your feed, and replace them with Val Kilmer. You won’t be disappointed. His Twitter is a mix of tweets about Mark Twain, anecdotes about his heady days mingling with other famous people like Lou Reed and Fifty Cent, and closeup shots of his abstract art — usually some combination of enamel, stencils and spray paint. There’s also a lot of “Val-” portmanteauxing going on.
Kilmer has been producing sculpture and painting for years now, and recently set up a web site where you can purchase limited editions of his creations for extremely reasonable prices. There’s a whole series on the word GOD—Kilmer is a devout Christian Scientist (a few years ago, TMZ reported that he refused treatment for a throat tumor because of his religion, and in 2016, Michael Douglas speculated Kilmer was suffering from the same type of oral cancer he’s had, which Kilmer refuted in a Facebook post. In a radio interview with K-EARTH 101, he said he was suffering from a mysteriously swollen tongue. The radio host says he sounds a little like Marlon Brando, and he quips back that he sounds like Sly Stallone on quaaludes.)
ANYWAY, I’m not here to speculate about Kilmer’s health, I’m here to say, his tweets are Good and entertaining to read. See below:
Once I whispered to #BridgetBardot all night… in the south of France… and I don’t speak much French… and she speaks even less English.
D’accord, mon vieux.
My broken and bleeding heart abstract
Same.
Once Bob Dylan came over to hang. So flattered. He kept askin for Doc Holiday quotes. I said "Ok sing some #Blowininthewind 1st". Wrong ans!
So flattered.
Once I tickled cool #LouReed @ a dinner I threw for him. He leaned in and said "I kno martial arts" So talented, but so tortured by his dad.
Tickled how?
Once Mick Jones came over to a wrap party I had high above the Thames in a glass duplex. Hes super shy but played his hits! LONDON CALLING!
Aw, Mick.
Once 50 Cent gave me a red muscle car because I loved my 69 GTO. Inside th trunk said #GUNIT and was FILLED w/amps and subwoofers. I wept.
I wept, too, Val.
Once Angelina Jolie gave me a ride home on a jet. I surprised her by filling it w/gardenias. She'd also brought a French actor. He was mad.
That’s a poem!!!!!!!
I once let Jimmy Page play with my girlfriends hair, wet from the rain... c'mon. It was jimmy Page. And she liked it. Hell I woulda liked it
Dad.
Respect.
Happy sunny Saturday from VALibu
Valibu, Valifornia.
LA Valodgers
I don’t think valodge means what you think it means.
Valogo
Me and Schwimmer against the world...
Name a more iconic duo. I’ll wait.
We all need validation. I just need the idation.
And we need Val. Smash that Follow button! He’s only got 183,000 followers.
Marquis Hawkes, "Zapper Bluesky"
Have yourself a merry little springtime.
It’s going to be near 60 today and then tomorrow it will grow very cold and we will be buried under ten inches of snow. As metaphors go it is a lousy one, since there is no brief respite in real life from how horrible everything has become. Instead, take today as a sneak preview of spring, if you are someone who believes spring will still come at some point soon. Those of you whose worldview is a slight bit less optimistic can look at it as the last spring day we’re going to get. Either way, celebrate accordingly. This new one from Marquis Hawkes should help. Enjoy.
New York City, February 6, 2017
★★★ Full sun raked the surface of the schoolyard. The cold was sharp to walk out into but never sank any deeper. The children ran around in their puffy coats, ignoring the student teacher’s attempts to line them up earlier than the real lining-up time. Downtown, a bird tweeted somewhere or something made a sound like a bird tweeting. Two figures lay in sleeping bags on cardboard against the building line, completely covered. The sun went higher but never got out of the eyes.
Teenagers 90% Of The Way To Figuring Out How To Smoke
Dripping is the new vaping hacking.
“Teenagers have found a new way to worry their parents. Never mind plain old vaping — now, it’s all about dripping. The term refers to the practice of applying nicotine liquid directly to the heated coils of an e-cigarette or other vaporizer to produce thick clouds of nicotine vapor. A new Yale University study of high school students in Connecticut, published in the journal Pediatrics, suggested that the approach was gaining favor among teenagers as a way to produce more flavorful clouds of vapor and ‘a stronger throat hit.’”
A stronger throat hit. Maybe we deserve Trump. Anyway, more here:
Plain Old Vaping Gives Way to ‘Dripping’ Among Teenagers, Study Says