Here are seven reasons why climate change is “even worse than we thought.” I’m going back to bed and I suggest you do the same.

Happy 70th birthday to Calvin Klein, who shares the day with Indira Gandhi and Allison Janney and other spiritual notables. Klein is proof — like some other very rich people in New York City who are of the exact same age — that life, and the expenditures of great sums of money, really does begin at 70. Having sold the company “Calvin Klein” almost exactly ten years ago, he has spent the last ten years really coming into his own: buying a monstrous Hamptons estate, then tearing it down; taking up with an extremely young lover, then having the young lover promise to write a tell-all about it, after breaking it off when the young fellow was mandated to rehab after being charged with assault and cocaine possession. Calvin Klein lived through the decades of the most-recent great change in American media, from an era in which the press was complicit in closeting to an era when it became aggressive in outing and finally printing what anyone who went out of doors in Manhattan could see for themselves. Happy birthday, Calvin Klein!

“A Shortcuts item about the enduring — and, for many, irritating — popularity of Gangnam Style, the pop song and video by the South Korean rapper Psy, said it was ‘like a virus that is immune to antibiotics’. A doctor writes to point out that all viruses are immune to antibiotics, which are used to treat bacterial infections.”

The new Anne Carson sounds amazing, as does the documentary of Libyan refugee camps in Tunisia, Babylon. And more!

by Evan Johnston

39. Fun

38. Game rating, theme, plot eliminates need to urinate, file taxes, experience bodily shame.

37. Lifelong contempt of evolutionary theory culminating in ill-thought out plan to stop rampaging monkey, without consulting police, humane society, press, etc.

36. Failure to understand nuances of newly installed alien government.

35. No school will hire substitute teacher named Solid Snake.

34. Prefer being shot at, stomped upon, devoured by monsters, spine mutilation, to honest conversation with friends, family, spouse.

33. Non-raiding, -assassin, -bloodsport job felt too “corporate.”

32. Running from giant sausages, pickles, eggs, is “Only life I’ve ever known.”

31. Discovered online ninjutsu degree worthless, pursuing direct experience in the field.

30. Unwavering belief in the extra life.

29. Must make John Madden proud, somehow…

28. Desire to warmly welcome others to Warp Zone in order to make it feel a little less warped, zoned.

27. Cheaper to fall to death than to get splinter, flu, tetanus under existing health care plan.

26. Cannot stand another Thanksgiving having an un-rescued girlfriend.

25. Perception of power-up items as symbols of self-worth.

24. Just wanted to see Castlevania before they put in the Apple Store.

23. Snake hatred — the hatred of any and all snakes.

22. To better understand opponent’s motivations.

21. Chemical “Triforce” dependency.

20. Brown thumb killed all plants in apartment, and really, why stop there?

19. Felt misunderstood at previous place of employment.

18. To discover the Excitebike within.

17. Must make anthropomorphic dog stop mocking efforts, aim, life goals, finances.

16. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.

15. Public shaming of M. Bison.

14. Public shaming of Mike Tyson.

13. Marry into wealth, prestige of mushroom kingdom.

12. Feeling that movements, desires, goals are being controlled by strange, powerful, unpixelated “other.”

11. Irrational hatred of fruit, organic, local, or otherwise.

10. Finally able to justify outrageous workout regime, violent urges, xenophobia, while combining interest in travel.

9. Cannot face another night of editing novel.

8. Fear that a life spent not jumping over hazards, proceeding to next level is without prestige, glamour, meaning.

7. Fascination with discovering, eating food in unlikely locations.

6. Acknowledgment from parents, self.

5. Fear of commitment.

4. Power.

3. Wealth.

2. Survival.

1. Giddy enthusiasm for mazes.

Evan Johnston is a writer and graphic designer living in Brooklyn. He once had the high score for Crystal Castles.

★★★ Slow and subtle, until it wasn’t. The blue morning sky gradually whited over into midday, with odd ripples of gray in it. There was just enough enfeebled light to bring out the late, full autumn colors: classic flame-orange a block to the south, wine off toward the river. The Hudson itself was a smooth smudge of pencil and pastels. Then, just as gradually, the white sky went blue again. Shadows and window-flares returned. Late afternoon brought in dull silver and peach — erupting suddenly into hot red-pink, a lurid, arresting reflection inside a north-facing windowpane. Everyone hurried to the west windows. Below the pink was a slash of green. “There is no green sky,” the kindergartener insisted. “Is that just because it’s cold?” As good a guess as any.

Photo of yesterday’s weather by Rebecca Murphey

Things To Drink This Fall: Sorel Cocktails

by John Ore

When the weather turns cold/apocalyptic, your cocktails need to step it up a notch, and your bitter aperitifs are no exception. Lucky for you, there’s Sorel. Full disclosure: Sorel is an artisanal, handcrafted twee little liqueur made in — of COURSE — Brooklyn. So that makes this recipe something of a trend piece! And trend pieces should go with summer drinks (see Aperol!), not fall ones, right? But resisting Sorel is futile because it’s good. Really good. Billed as a hibiscus liqueur, Sorel wraps up classic fall flavors like cinnamon, clove, ginger and rhubarb and is versatile enough to both complement or supplement things like sweet vermouth, Campari or other aperitifs.

Another disclosure: when I discovered Sorel, it was mostly because my local shop had had a run on Campari and Aperol. It was recommended by the staff there not as replacement, but as an alternative that leaned much more to the fall flavor profile. So I started playing around with it like a kid with a chemistry set, and it yielded this drink, which I call the Fall Classic.

I named it that because when I first mixed it I was watching baseball and I desperately wanted Tim McCarver to shut the hell up. Unfortunately, inventing a drink wasn’t enough to make that happen. And then the Tigers lost the World Series. So, maybe, proceed with caution?

The Fall Classic

• 1 oz. rye whiskey
• 1 oz. calvados
• 1 oz. sweet vermouth
• 1 oz. Sorel liqueur
Stir, serve over ice, garnish with an apple slice.

You know what I love about this? It’s 4 bottles, 4 shots, thrown in a glass over ice. That’s it. Maybe add some bitters, if you are so inclined. No muddling, no cocktail shaker, no boiling anything. It tastes like fall, and with apologies (and a nod) to Emerson Beyer who shared a cocktail recipe here last week, that’s also thanks to the calvados, a liquor I discovered by happenstance and have been happily drinking since.

The rye and calvados are seasonal in their own right, without being over-the-top. Adding a delicious vermouth like Carpano Antica formula, and Sorel add depth, spiciness and warmth without getting kitschy or needing a cinnamon stick for garnish. Plenty of apple, plum, and clove flavors, and it packs a nice punch to boot.

Apparently there also exists a cocktail with the same moniker concocted — of COURSE — by The Gramercy Tavern. Honestly, I never knew about it. Turns out, it’s a little too high-maintenance — homemade thyme simple syrup? — so I feel like mine is simpler and therefore better. Take that, Danny Meyer.

My Fall Classic got my family through the World Series, and then Hurricane Sandy, and will help yours get through the holidays.

For those of you still clinging to the docksiders sans socks in 40 degree weather (you know who you are, because you’re riding the F train with me), let’s look up an old summer friend, add Sorel, and then awkwardly make out with him.

The Phony Negroni

• 1 oz. Old Tom Gin
• 1 oz. sweet vermouth
• 1 oz. Sorel liqueur
Stir, serve over ice, garnish with a cherry.

Some of us have a hard time saying goodbye to Negroni Season. Something about the combination of gin and French vermouth just begs the Negroni to overstay its welcome. This variation trades the crisp citrus of summertime drinks for a richer, warmer fall quaff. Swapping the Campari out for Sorel and using Carpano Antica extends Negroni Season well past your May-to-September romance. The Old Tom gin has a rounder, sweeter mouthfeel than, say, an herbal gin-and-tonic London dry gin, so the overall effect with the Sorel lends itself to something you’d sip while wearing a cable-knit sweater.

Artisanal Brooklyn snickering aside, Sorel-maker Jack From Brooklyn and other Red Hook-based distilleries and producers were also victims of Hurricane Sandy. I certainly don’t prioritize booze-makers above the suffering and losses of local Red Hook residents, but having locally run businesses in that neighborhood help it thrive. So while you are assisting with relief efforts locally, feel free to consider supporting a local Red Hook business by buying a bottle or a drink.

Previously in series: Apple Brandy Cocktails

John Ore has not been compensated to endorse any of these products. Yet!

“You can’t expect to be a leader of all the people and be divisive. Someone asked me, Why did Mitt Romney lose? And I said because he got less votes than Barack Obama, that’s why.”
 — New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has decided to keep his new, post-Sandy personality.

David Edelstein’s Enduring Fixation On Keira Knightley’s Jaw, Documented

by Peter Martinowski

• “But it’s hard to hate her too much when she wriggles into a fetching halter, paints herself green, and picks up a bow and arrow, determinedly setting that long fish jaw.” — Review of King Arthur, July 7, 2004

• “… Domino is perpetual motion in a vacuum. It’s not the fault of This Year’s White Girl, young Keira Knightley, who sticks out her long jaw…” — Review of Domino, Oct. 13, 2005

• “…working that long jaw like an impudent guppy…” — Review of Pride & Prejudice, Nov. 11, 2005

• “Keira Knightley’s magic inflatable jaw!” — Review of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, July 6, 2006

• “Knightley, a heroine with gumption whose thrusting jaw takes her out of the insipid-ingenue class. She’s like some kind of fish herself…” — ibid.

• “… played by Keira Knightley with her long neck and strong jaw…” — Review of The Duchess, Sept. 14, 2008

• “Sabina is played by Keira Knightley in a style that would seem over-the-top from across the Roman Coliseum, let alone in close-up spitting out her Slavic consonants and overworking her long jaw.” — Review of A Dangerous Method, Dec. 2, 2011

• “She’s played by Keira Knightley in a style that would seem big from the third balcony, spitting out her consonants and working her long jaw so hard it hurts to look at her.” — Another review of A Dangerous Method, Dec. 2, 2011

• “… she has a terminal case of lockjaw…” — Review of Seeking Friend for the End of the World, June 21, 2012

• “… she squints her eyes and works her big jaw, her fanged upper teeth threatening to swallow the camera.” — Review of Anna Karenina, Nov. 11, 2012

Peter Martinowski lives in New York.

Back in 1987, when the Supreme Court of the United States affirmed New York’s jurisdiction over the Statue of Liberty, then-mayor Ed Koch said, “The Statue of Liberty will continue to stand exactly where she has stood for 100 years — on an island belonging to the State of New York, facing us and showing another side of her personality to New Jersey.” Twenty-five years later, it seems the Garden State is getting its revenge, pumping 200 million gallons of liquid doody into the Lady’s maritime surroundings.