A chat about making your Sims bone
If we were to break my life into two parts, the part labeled “Sims player” would be longer than “non Sims player.” In middle school, friends would ask to come over so they could create versions of themselves and their crushes. In high school, I’d quietly play on weeknights instead of doing my homework. Now, as an adult, I have it passively installed on my computer the way you might still have Angry Birds somewhere on your phone—it might not get opened this year, but it’s nice to have it just in case.
One thing that’s been true the entire time I’ve been playing is that, within the Sims canon, sex is never visible. Sims only needed to kiss three times in a row to make a baby in early versions of the game, but that’s evolved over the years. Now Sims can “woohoo” or “do it” in a couple standard locations (bed, hot tub, end of list), but it’s all under the cover of pixelated bodies and twisted bedsheets. Because of the lack of detail, the only real function of Sim sex is still babymaking. However, thanks to a bunch of horny Simheads, all of that can change if you want it to.
The other week, my Sims-loving buddy Bobby showed me a fan-created mod (modification) called WickedWhims (or WickedWoohoo), where players can get their Sims full-nude and have them engage in sexual activities all over their houses and in public. The creator, Turbodriver, has made all of the graphics free to download (with a suggestion that your donate to their Patreon), which means there’s a very low barrier to entry, but it also makes me wonder—is this a product people actually want? Could it be… fun to use? There was only one way to find out.
Bobby and I both installed the mod on our respective home computers, played as sex-having Sims, and then reconvened to compare our experiences. Here is our review.
Christine Friar: hello bob
Bobby Finger: Hi.
Christine: i feel like i heard about wicked woohoo through you—how did YOU hear about it?
Bobby: I first heard of it after seeing a headline on Kotaku, but kinda just thought, “Huh. Right. The Sims.” It wasn’t until our friend Lindsey sent SCREENGRABS from it that I realized exactly what the hell we were dealing with.
Christine: the screengrabs were wild!
seeing them was like
“i……should download this”
Bobby: Yes. I had coincidentally begun replaying the game only month or so prior, after learning of an upcoming expansion pack (City Living) that sounded cool.
(I hate talking about this btw, as loving The Sims is so incredibly lame.)
You can leave that in btw.
Just want to acknowledge the fact that I sound like a dweeb.
i had the sims 3, but had been putting off upgrading to 4. wicked woohoo is what pushed me over the edge.
i was like “wow”
“gotta upgrade i guess”
Bobby: Yes. Important to note that when The Sims 4 came out, you came to my home and we hooked the comp up to the TV to play it together.
Just to convince readers of our fandom.
Christine: oh yeah wow
so i’ve waited 2 years and this is what finally tipped the scale
ANYWAY, let’s talk about the mods themselves.
the initial package of actions you download is pretty sparse
it’s like: handjob, missionary
Bobby: Yes! You have to download SO MANY actions to make the experience truly entertaining.
Christine: the good news is so many fans have made… so much supplemental material for individual sex acts
that you can download in little bundles
i just arbitrarily clicked on 4 and was like “these are the ones i’m getting!”
Bobby: Oh I downloaded all the ones recommended in the initial Wicked Woohoo post.
I think there were 6 packs or so?
That take into account practically every position (and location) possible.
Like, have a threesome in a bathtub. Get a handjob on a couch.
Christine: here are the places i know my sims can fuck: bed, shower, TOILET, kitchen counter
Bobby: Chairs. Couches. Hot tubs. Benches. The floor (aka anywhere).
When I first watched the animations, I couldn’t stop laughing and immediately sent you video of my Sims fucking somewhere. Weren’t they on a bed?
And one woman walked into the room mid-threesome and began doing PUSH UPS by the bed.
Christine: hahaha yeah that’s such a good element of gameplay
because it takes them SO LONG to fuck when you have all these options
and everyone else in the house just like….keeps living
my people’s daughter keeps walking into the room and being like “UGH”
Bobby: One of the most interesting things about the extension is that they don’t stop?
They will literally fuck forever.
You have to make them stop.
Christine: and when you let them finish, they’re not THAT happy!!!
they get like +2 mood
Bobby: Yeah, the Wicked Woohoo doesn’t really help or hurt their mood. +2 is…nothing.
Christine: by the time it’s over they like
have to pee
and are late to work
Bobby: And, honestly, the novelty wears off quiiiite quickly.
How long did you explore the different moves?
Christine: i feel like i tried to generate every possible scenario once,
and then when i’d figured out all my options the game was over.
it’s definitely not…..a sexy experience.
Bobby: No, not at all.
Christine: there’s a lot of mental math involved when you have to make every mechanical decision for both of them
Bobby: Honestly, I found it annoying after a short while.
It’s wild to me that people are paying him for this
How does it not get boring for them?
Like, good for him for creating this thing and giving it away for free, but his Patreon makes like 900 bucks a month!
Christine: that’s a lot of bucks
i had the same kind of dropoff with my interest level
AND now my people are always horny
not actively, but like, they always have the potential to be fucking
every time i click on anything in the house it asks, “DO YOU WANNA DO THAT THE REGULAR WAY OR THE SEX WAY??”
Christine: and sometimes i want to sit in the chair the regular way.
Bobby: “Regular please.”
Christine: i will say it is cool that, depending on whose kits you’ve downloaded, anatomy doesn’t necessarily play a part in the positioning.
you can have a guy riding his lady reverse cowgirl no questions asked.
Christine: SO! i don’t think i downloaded whatever group sex capabilities there are.
wanna tell me a little about that?
Group Sex: I did it once or twice just to see how it looks? And, well, it looks weird and is annoying to do.
It takes a LOT of clicks and correct ordering to do the group sex.
Christine: right like how do you manage all your holes as one sim?
Bobby: It’s not fun.
Christine: what are your sims like?
Bobby: My sims are boring. I usually just make one that looks like a version of me with better skin and who goes to the gym.
I enjoyed the Get To Work expansion because I made my Sim a cop? So that new gameplay was sort of fun for a while, but then my save file fucked up and I lost my career progression.
that is in the top 5 angriest feelings for me i think
when the sims would crash and i’d lose like
Bobby: HOURS of life.
Christine: me at 14 in a computer room like, “HAH! OKAY! HAHA! GREAT!”
baby’s first rage
Bobby: HOW does it not auto-save in 2016?!?!?!
Christine: that is a great question tbh
and the people at EA owe us an answer
Christine: i’m going to pivot
if you had to rate wicked woohoo on a scale of 1–5
5 being “definitely worth downloading”
I’d say 5?
Because it is SO easy to install and SO funny for 10 minutes.
And worth it just to show someone else.
But it’s a 1 for replayability.
As I lost interest in no time.
Christine: i agree on the initial 5
but would maybe give it a 2 for replayability
Christine: if you can get horny off of this, it’d be fun to revisit!
it gets a point for that
Bobby: I think it would be worth it if the sex actually had repercussions?
But since it doesn’t, it’s not really adding any value to the gameplay
Christine: right, the sex is very meaningless to your sims mood-wise
so it’s not fun within the world of the game itself.
i think i just realized the sims is an empathy-building game
it encourages caretaking and need meeting! AHHH!!
so we’re mad at a plugin for like, not being valuable within their pleasure economy.
for making me emotionally ethical
i feel like we’ve explored a lot here today
Bobby: No problem.
Christine: we can stop now