I dig sports, so I was watching “Game of Thrones” on Home Box the other night and there was this part where a dude was being super-rude to a lady, but he was doing it in a Foreign Language from errbody else, so he thought he was slick. However, the person he was being rude to was the chick who has the fire-breathing dragons, and she came up hard, and she does not play. Spoiler alert. Aiieeee!
All the people on “Game of Thrones” pretty much speak the “Common Tongue” or whatever they call it on the show (if they call it anything) and nobody gets bent outta shape if somebody speaks Valerian or whatever. I mean, wouldn’t you like to speak Valerianese, if that’s a real language? It would increase your vocabulary and understanding of The World, right?
Sidebar: May fave character on the Throne is the dude who is “The Hand” now, I forget his name, but he was in the Major Motion Picture The Last Action Hero (aka der Letzte Action Held and L’Ultimo Grande Eroe), which should have been a good movie, and it wasn’t, but in the movie, dude had a glass eyeball, and he would rock fashion eye, like, one looked like a cat eye, and he had one of those “Have a Nice Day” Smiley-Face deals as an eyeball, and I swear he had an eye that looked like an eight-ball from a pool table, but I might be projecting my own desire to have eyeballs that look like eight-balls from Game of Pool. Good times. My other fave characters on “Game of Thrones” are Aenid Tramic, Guillifoern Lyaanyardbref, and Askldkjadlsal;sa.
Anyway, people in this country get all twerked up about how English is supposed to be the Official Language of The United States of America, and I support that in writing, because we have all these Laws and Rules and Ordinances and stuff and they need to be Recorded for Posterity, so if we decided there was not an Official Language, then somebody might write a law in Hyborean or something and then you might break it or otherwise disobey, and then when they (and you know who They are) came to lock up your ass, you would be all like “Hey man, this is no fair, I did not know anything about this law you speak of involving the ‘Juice of the Poppy,’ c’mon, seriously, somebody wrote this law in Hyperlalalarian or something and I don’t even speak that shit, no offense.” And the Judge would be “OK, bonehead, Ignorance of The Law is No Excuse: Guilty. In English, OK? Does that make you feel better?”
Plus, how many Tax Dollars would it cost to have all the laws written in more languages? I mean, I’m no Tea Party or anything, but that’s too much Government, man. We need to have an Official Language so we know what’s Illegal.
Meanwhile, I think people should speak however they wish, because we have Free Speech in this country, and also if you want to make a restaurant, you should have a restaurant menu in whatever language you want, and it’s up to people to decide how much they like your restaurant and whether or not they want to learn the Ingredients on your menu, right? The Free-Market Economy of Capitalism in Action. Food is a good motivation. I mean, I know how to say “tortilleria” and “la cuenta, por favor” in a Foreign Language and it makes me feel Intelligent, you know? Also: “Pupusa.”
People don’t want people around them speaking Foreign Languages because they are afraid, it’s that simple. People are afraid of stuff they are ignorant of. It’s good for your brain to Learn Things, and when you are learning a Thing, you generally do not know jack-squat about that thing, so it’s possible, self-esteem-wise, you might feel a li’l bit dumb, or at least Ignorant, and a lot of softies out there don’t ever want anybody to feel bad about anything, ever, but I contend feeling like a dum-dum is another good motivator for Learning, so when people are Learning Things, they should also be taught that feeling bad that they don’t know the first fucking thing about the thing they are Learning about is supposed to be a temporary deal, and when you learn, it makes your outcome seem even more triumphant, you know? It’s like a hug for your brain, and everybody speaks that language, eh? Puke.