My poor friend Dan Kois. Apparently he lost a big bet, and had to write a bizarre and maniacal Slate piece to prove that literally anything could be denounced in a counterintuitive Andy Rooney freakout. And here it is: "Tilting your seat back on an airplane is pure evil." His solution: don't bother replacing the seats, just outlaw people from reclining in them. AM I STILL ASLEEP UP HERE IN MY FULLY FLAT BUSINESS CLASS SEAT, IS THIS A SURREAL DREAM???
"We can't wait to run around asking people what they're 'doing for Matt Damon night' and if they're going to 'a Matt Damon watching party' to 'play Matt Damon drinking games' (drink every time someone says 'Matt Damon'!). It's going to be so hard to get a cab on Matt Damon night, so try to leave your friend's Matt Damon party early and just find out whether Matt Damon cried at the end later when you get home. The only thing that would make this better is if it were a surprise for Matt Damon." -For the first time ever, the three-hour American Cinematheque awards will be broadcast on [...]
This SpongeBob SquarePants figurine fetched $1,500 at auction in Paris because Karl Lagerfeld perched some specs on it, painted fingerless gloves and attached what I thought was a pharaoh's postiche but is actually a very rakish plastic tie with a symmetrical windsor knot. Bully.
Supplies! "Four men with a seemingly limitless appetite for office supplies have burglarized Staples stores in Manhattan at least seven times this year, the police say."
Oh sweet Jesus. People are trying to get Mayor Bloomberg's girlfriend, Diana Taylor, to run for Senate, in Gillibrand's seat. Why is New York state so insane?
Older readers may remember Eugene Levy as one of the geniuses responsible for SCTV, but he is doing his damndest to ensure that his legacy is considerably less prestigious. Gooby? Really? The trailer uses comic sans for Christ's sake. I don't even know what to say. [Via Videogum]
Press release of the day: "A Purr-fect Fit: CeeLo Green And Purrfect The Cat Remix Meow Mix® Cat Food Jingle: CeeLo Green, Recording Artist and Mentor on NBC's Hit Show "The Voice," Heads to the Studio with Purrfect the Cat to Put a New Spin on One of America's Most Memorable Jingles." OH GOD IT'S LIVE AND IT'S HORRIFYING.
Your tax dollars at work: "General Motors is teaming with Segway, the scooter company, to develop a battery-powered vehicle to cut urban congestion and pollution. The companies plan to announce the partnership Tuesday in New York, where they are testing a prototype of the partially enclosed, two-seat, two-wheel scooter. The venture is called Project PUMA, for Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility."
The vehicle won't be ready for years, which is unfortunate for GM: By the time most Americans will be willing to buy one (for shelter), the company will be long out of business.