Let's pretend for a minute that there is a Hell, that bad deeds actually do draw the punishment promised by Scripture: Would you be going there? How great are your crimes? We'll assume your sins against society are actually of the venial variety, mostly of omission and usually just because you're worn out and it's easier to get whatever it is you need done by cutting a few corners, morality-wise. Our putative judge in this scenario would probably be inclined to let you slip through either on points or because His basis for comparison offered such a dispiriting palette of depravity, detestation and downright disregard for the common courtesies [...]
— Eric Holthaus (@WSJweather) October 24, 2012
Here she comes. Hurricane Sandy terribly abused Jamaica last night, and is en route, possibly, maybe, up the Eastern seaboard, where she has a hot date with a nor'easter blowing across the U.S. This has weather folks very excited. But none are more excited than the Wall Street Journal's Eric Holthaus. We'd like you to get to know him. He's the most fun of all the weather dudes who are absolutely freaking out right now. Then go out and buy all the [...]
"[The current weather pattern] means perfect conditions for a host of pests including fleas, ticks, termites, mosquitoes, brown recluse and black widow spiders and scorpions to flourish in the coming weeks. What’s worse, the hot, dry temperatures will eventually drive those pests to seek out moisture and cool places to dwell — like homes." [Via]
Most days you struggle to open your eyes and shake off the ill effects of whatever you did to yourself the night before. Your body aches. Your bones crack. You put a hesitant foot on the floor, knowing that what's going to come over the next 12 hours is going to be the same kind of repetitive, soul-destroying drudgery that happened last week, will happen again next week and, given the way things are now, will happen again for the rest of your life. It's a non-stop carnival of agony for which the only reward is death. And it doesn't make it any easier when you realize that [...]
So: "A poll due for release on Wednesday shows that a large majority of Americans believe that this year’s unusually warm winter, last year’s blistering summer and some other weather disasters were probably made worse by global warming. And by a 2-to-1 margin, the public says the weather has been getting worse, rather than better, in recent years." Now, to be sure, it is only an online poll, and let's remember that linking specific weather events to "global warming" is what allows "climate skeptics" to pretend that an icy day in April disproves the idea that we are mucking up the climate, but if people really are starting [...]
It being tournament time, pretty much everyone is trying to get in on the action. I'm particularly amused by the Weather Channel's "search for the all-time favorite weather song" bracket, although the exclusion of Randy Newman's "I Think It's Going To Rain Today" is somewhat troubling. What's your all-time favorite weather song? Tell etc. in the etc.!
You know those mornings when winter finally waves its chilly fist in your face and you fumble for the alarm clock, knocking it off the night stand, and decide you're going to stay under the comfortable embrace of your covers for just a few minutes more and, as you lay there, drifting in between sleep and semi-consciousness, you start to think of all the terrible decisions and sins of omission that have brought you to the sorry point your life is in now and, liberated by the gauzy, borderless unreality that one discovers while barely awake in warm bedclothes, you start chipping away at the years, deleting every bad turn [...]
I am very sad to see right now, in August, it is "Back to School" time for many of The Children of America. Right now. In August! That is a total rip-off, kids, seriously, you got screwed. There is not supposed to be School in August, unless it is the "Summer School," because it is Summer! "Summer School" is supposed to be Punitive or Remedial and stuff! There's no School-school in Summer! It was bad enough when I was in the Target store last week looking for a new bathing suit and a deal on one of those brushes for scraping the barbeque-gook off my Weber and there were no [...]
Today's the day all those people get to see "Dark Knight Rises" and you don't. (iTunes)
The Juneteenth pre-heat wave panic! (Subscribe in iTunes.)
Tired of just waiting around for his mother to die, the heir to the British throne decided he'd take a crack at meteorology.
"Everybody has this uneasy feeling. This is weird. This is not good. It's a guilty pleasure. You're out enjoying this nice March weather, but you know it's not a good thing." —National Center for Atmospheric Research climate scientist Jerry Meehl discusses the unseasonable weather we have been experiencing recently. To wit: "Temperatures in the lower 48 states were 8.6 degrees above normal for March and 6 degrees higher than average for the first three months of the year, according to calculations by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. That far exceeds the old records." The good news is that at least we get to ride out our few [...]
You may be tempted, particularly with the lovely spell of weather we'll have over the next few days, to believe that everything is going to work out. That, not only have you gotten away with it, you've deserved to get away with it. I understand. Warm temperatures, the coming of spring, the slight hope that maybe the economy is turning around, the idea that after a certain point things can't get any worse and thus must get better: these are all reasons for optimism. Do not be fooled. No one ever gets away with it, we deserve nothing, the weather will grow cold again, whatever recovery we have will [...]
You know how in olden times a person would foretell the coming of evil and the villagers would gather together and sacrifice him to the gods in hopes of propitiation? I am not at all suggesting we should do that to Eric Holthaus of the Wall Street Journal, but I do kind of feel that if we had taken him out a couple of weeks ago when we had the chance it would have been nothin' but blue skies ever since.
Everybody talks about it all the time and it is supposed to be the boringest thing to talk about, conversationally, and it means you are Dead Inside or have Given Up or whatever, but the Weather is totally Trending, man, and not just because it happens every day and there are Weather Reports and Traffic-&-Weather-Together-on-the-ones and stuff on the radio when you are driving your car in the traffic, and Weather, together.
Think about it, seriously, when you go Outside, you are stepping out into The Weather. Some of The Weather still manages to get inside your house and there is nothing you can do about it. You need [...]
We could get our 4th official heat wave this summer, if there's 3 consecutive days in the 90s this week.
— NY1 Weather (@NY1weather) July 15, 2012
"One of the most salient—but also, unfortunately, most counterintuitive—aspects of global warming is that it operates on what amounts to a time delay. Behind this summer’s heat are greenhouse gases emitted decades ago. Before many effects of today’s emissions are felt, it will be time for the Summer Olympics of 2048. (Scientists refer to this as the 'commitment to warming.') What’s at stake is where things go from there." —Our prediction remains "fires."
Do you know what's going to happen this week? That's right. You're going to burn alive. (Subscribe on iTunes.)
Do you ever have one of those moments when you're walking down the street and you're passing a person on a cellphone who is in deep conversation about some Very Important Deal, oblivious to the rest of the world due to the urgency of his—and it's generally a he—activities, and you are stunned by a wave of sadness as you contemplate how the miracle of evolution has resulted in our becoming a species afflicted with mammoth self-importance and an almost deliberate denial of the reality that pretty much none of what we do will ever really mean anything, that what waits for us is oblivion and yet we're somehow [...]
Final NYC snow total for winter 2011/2012: 4.5 inches. We got 61 inches last year.#WelcomeToSpring
— Pat Kiernan (@patkiernan) March 19, 2012
Spring doesn't start until tomorrow, so maybe NY1 newspaper elf Pat Kiernan is summoning down the forces of nature upon us, but if this holds up (and, yeah, it will) we will remember it as the last time we were surprised by the lack of snow. Because from now on it is nothing but fires ahead.