"NYC is gross," says the person who posted this video of a man shucking oysters on the N train. The gross part for me is that my immediate response was, "Ugh, what is he trying to promote?" I wish we all still lived in a time where people were just weird and unaware of how their weirdness played out to those around them instead of trying to go viral or whatever. [Via]
"Bears have begun emerging from their winter dens in Yellowstone. As a grizzly forages near the Midway Geyser Basin, the park's bear management biologist explains early spring bear behavior, and how the public can both help bears and protect themselves over the next few months." —This video is mostly just a bear lumbering along through Yellowstone and I don't think anyone needs or even wants an apology for that. Bears! Spring! For a few seconds we can kid ourselves into thinking that everything's right with the world.
Even if you are having the best morning in your life thus far—and let's be honest, you almost certainly are not—this will make it a little brighter. For this rest of us this is probably as good as it's going to get all day, so let's take the time to fully appreciate it.
I can speak to neither the provenance nor the freshness of this piece—the terrible secret that no one wants to discuss when it comes to Russian bear videos on the Internet is just how many of them are actually older clips unscrupulous embed jockeys have uploaded under different accounts to create the illusion of recency—but I can say that if you are in the market for approximately five minutes of a bear eating cookies you have come to the right place. I'm about to watch it for the third time today, won't you please join me?
"There are somethings people just should not do. Putting their head in the mouth of a 93 stone grizzly bear is one of them," [...]
If I were out skiing and a bear came running by I think I would make a big doody in my expensive waxed Limonta breeches and hope all that extra insulation I paid for kept anyone else from noticing. Then, if the bear didn't eat me and went off elsewhere, I would be like, "Well, it serves you right for spending a shitload of money to try and go fast down a mountain on two sticks, you idiot." God, is there anyone dumber than the recreational skier? They are the literal definition of "more money than sense." Anyway, the bears aren't going to bed anymore, and we should probably [...]
You know, when I was a kid—NO WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I promise, it's relevant! Okay, anyway: When I was a kid the big question was what would an image look like if you made a copy of it and then a copy of the copy and then a copy of the copy of the copy and so on until whoever was the office manager of the place where your parents parked you while they were at work came and yelled at you to stop hogging the Xerox machine. Anyway, times have changed, I guess, so now the mystery concerns what a [...]
"After her companion was moved away, Sijia the panda became lonely and depressed so zoo staff have provided her with her own TV. When Sijia's companion, Meixi, was moved away from their zoo in China last week, the zoo keepers noticed her becoming depressed and not eating properly. So on Monday, worried staff at the Yunnan Wild Animal Park moved in some new company for the lonely panda – a new television."
News that Kate Bush will "play her first series of shows since 1979" prompts the Guardian to dig up this video of a performance from May of that year. You should probably watch it while it's still there.
"Bears are well know for their intelligence. It seems that being arround humans made these fluffy creatures behave more and more like we do. Bears swim like humans, walk like humans, sit like humans, play like humans and more. Check out this compilation of funny bears behaving like people." —This is bad, yes, but it is bad enough that it crosses over that line and somehow becomes good? I would ordinarily say no, but, you know, bears. You'd better believe we give extra credit for bears. Enjoy or "enjoy," but either way, bears!
There is an old joke that goes something like this: One morning a polar bear cub is awakened by his parents so early in the day that the sky is still dark.
"Get up, get up," say the parents. "Today you learn to swim."
So the polar bear cub spends his day going in and out of the frigid water, in and out until finally the sky is dark again and he comes back home.
"Mom," he says, "can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," she answers.
"Am I a polar bear?"
"Of course you are," she replies.
"Okay," he says.
I won't defile our special space by putting it up here, but I have to say, that video of the animatronic devil baby that is going around? It made me laugh at least. If you've been burned by stunt viral videos before—and who hasn't?—I can understand how you might be reticent to watch this one, but I am giving it the valuable Alex Seal Of Approval, so click away, baby, click away.
This is not the governor of New Jersey, who is apparently planning to talk all the way through 2016, but it is for sure more adorable so let's watch it instead.
"Workers in a zoo in Wakamaya, Japan, nurture a tiny five-day-old polar bear cub after his mother stops caring for him" is the description, but "holy mother of fuck has there ever been anything more goddamn adorable if I could shit out my feelings they would be a diarrhea cascade of 'awwww' running down the inside of my leg right now seeing this amazing little polar bear baby video good lord HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THIS THING etc." is the only natural reaction. At least if you have a heart.
This is much more enjoyable if you mute it and watch the bears do their thing unaccompanied by the excitable narration from BBC guy. It is BEARS FISHING, there does not need to be anything said. Enjoy!
Jaime Wolf recently spent some time with Agnès Troublé for T Magazine. (Perhaps you know her best as Agnès B.) They went to Brooklyn to photograph graffiti! The legendary designer's first film, Je m'appelle Hmmm…, is currently playing in festivals and opens in France this spring.
"Cannibal rats my arse, a bear almost ate me lassie." Yes, that's my impression of a Scotsman on his return to Britain after an encounter with a bear. I can also do a Welshman recounting his brush with a mountain lion, but it plays out pretty much the same way.
I mean, really, come the fuck on. It is FUCKING INSANE how fucking adorable these little polar bears are. Jesus Christ.
"David Peterson edited a time-lapse video using photos from the International Space Station publicly available from NASA" is the explanation for this and yes, it sure is mesmerizing, the ineffable majesty of the universe captured and conveyed in the form of a time-lapse video etc. but my question to you is am I the only one who keeps waiting for a Tori Amos vocal to come in on the soundtrack? It sounds like it's going to turn into a Tori Amos song is what I'm saying.