Study: Women Just As Shallow As You Think They Are @3:40 PM
Exactly what I suspected. Yeah, you broads talk a good game about how a sense of humor is the most important thing, or that you really just want a good listener who appreciates you for all funny, quirky things that make you who you are, but when it comes right down to it you're just gonna go for the jerk with the fancy car. Science is on to you, ladies. This is why dudes drive Hummers, you know. Nice job. 15
"Four Lions" Trailer Makes Me More Excited About "Four Lions" @1:20 PM
Here's the official trailer for Chris Morris' Four Lions, the "terrorist comedy" I've been banging on about since April. IT LOOKS AWESOME! Sorry, I'm just kind of into this, can you tell? [Via] 5
Surfing Alapaca Ups The Ante On Funny Animal Cruelty Videos @11:55 AM
"Pisco is thought to be the first alpaca who has ever been taught to surf…. Pisco wears a floatation jacket while on the board, given that alapacas – mountain animals bred for their warm, silky coats – are not natural swimmers." 8
The Legacy Of The Irish: Two Views @10:55 AM
"The Irish fanned out across Europe, salvaging books wherever they could, making copies, reassembling libraries and teaching the newly settled barbarians of the continent to read and write. But they did more than this: they managed to infuse the emerging medieval world with a playfulness previously unknown. In the margins of the books they copied, the Irish scribes drew little pictures, thickets of plants, flowers, birds and animals. Human faces occasionally peek through the tangle, faces of childlike delight and awe. If you were a scribe copying out some especially ponderous philosophical Greek, the margin in which you could reflect on your own world served as a source of 'refreshment, light and peace,' to quote the ancient Latin liturgy…. We have many reasons to be grateful to St. Patrick and his fierce and playful Irishmen and Irishwomen. So on this St. Patrick’s Day, remember them as they would wish to be remembered. Read a book." 56
Will Mexican Drug Violence Change The Way America's College Kids Tan? @10:15 AM
Panic in Acapulco as heavily-armed Mexican police are sent in to protect our nation's most valuable resource: nubile young college students whose scantily-clad bodies perk up pretty much any boring news story. Anyway, parents of our country's spring breakers are concerned that Mexico's spiraling drug violence will put their children—who just want to get drunk and have random sex in warm weather—at risk. They're also worried about the lives of the poor Mexicans whose daily existence is a struggle to survive the violence of rival cartels and who are about a million times more likely to become crime victims, especially now, when even the terribly inadequate police protection they are used to has been shifted in service of a bunch of yanqui undergrads. Actually, I'm just guessing on that second part. 2
Book Trailer Amuses @4:00 PM
The whole Pride and Prejudice and Zombies thing seemed worth a chuckle and not much more. I mean, a one-note joke on Jane Austen is all well and good, but was there really call for a sequel? Apparently yes, there was, and Dawn of the Dreadfuls will be arriving in bookstores soon. Whatever reservations you might have about that—and do you? Do you really? Are you somehow that invested in what winds up in bookstores? Is your little masterpiece somehow going unpublished while an extended riff on romantic fiction from the Regency period festooned with the living dead somehow merits a second volume? Maybe the problem is with your work and not with anyone else, did you ever consider that? I'm sure you've brought a delightful and idiosyncratic spin to modern ennui and you're no doubt terrific with illustrations of the sky and depictions of urban angst, but maybe we've all had enough of that. Did that ever occur to you?—you've got to admit that this "trailer" is pretty damned good. I enjoyed it, at least. Oh, whatever, I'm tired of you and your complaining. Just watch it. [Via] 4
Devin the Dude, "What I Be On" @2:30 PM
A lot of folks are wondering what people in Texas are smoking in light of the state board of education's decision to change its social studies curriculum to reflect a more conservative outlook. A new video from the great Houston rap-crooner Devin the Dude provides some insight. 1
Vagina-less Commercial For Vagina Product Forced To Skimp On Vaginas @1:20 PM
Is this indeed "the greatest tampon commercial ever"? I am tempted to say yes, yes it is. READ MORE 22
Lloyd Banks and Juelz Santana, "Beamer, Benz Or Bentley" @10:50 AM
Are we witnessing the commercial comeback for New-York-rap-besides-Jay-Z that everybody's been waiting for? Probably not. While you hear hear Lloyd Banks and Juelz Santana's"Beamer, Benz Or Bentley," on the city streets these days, the song hasn't yet cracked Billboard's national charts. I think it's just okay. A catchy-if-formulaic beat built off the kind of simple, ascending and descending keyboard line that worked for Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" two years ago, and Mims' "This Is Why I'm Hot" the year before that, and playboy rhymes about money, cars and women. Much less exciting, in my opinion, than the grittier sounds issued by Banks' G-Unit colleague Tony Yayo, or Staten Island's resurgent Wu-Tang Clan. The best thing about the video, I think, is Juelz' eye-wear. READ MORE 14
Adorable Biting Baby Viral Video Metaphor For My Morning @1:20 PM
Yeah, whatever, I'm sure you've seen it. Too bad, watch it again. Because today the Internet is Charlie, and I am the older brother. There's a chance of sun tomorrow though. That ought to help, right? RIGHT? 2
Diminutive Canine Viciously Ensnared By Fierce Claws Of Monstrous Fowl @12:40 PM
Okay, let's see what we got here: Adorable animal in jeopardy? Check. Mournful average folks expressing their emotions? Uh huh. Deep, meaningful pauses in narration from the reporter? That's a big 10-4. Yes, folks, I think we may very well have located the platonic ideal of a local news clip. I'm glad we were all able to experience this moment together. 16
What The Heck Is Up, Eric Roberts? @2:30 PM
Every now and again I ask myself, "Hey, what's going on with Eric Roberts these days?" And sometimes—although far too frequently for my liking—I am made aware!
He's starring in the Roger Corman telepic "Sharktopus" for Syfy.The cable network announced the casting Thursday. Roberts will play a research scientist who, along with his daughter, develops a secret military weapon: A hybrid shark/octopus that can be controlled by electrical implants.
"But when the controls break down, the monster goes on a killing rampage at the resort beaches of Mexico," Syfy promises.
Miracle Baby Elephant Takes First Steps @1:20 PM
Yeah, don't look at me that way. It is a BABY ELEPHANT. They call him Mr. Shuffles, for God's sake! What is your heart made of, granite? 23
Grossout Anti-Smoking Ads Now More Vomit-Inducing @10:50 AM
Mayor Bloomberg, who must not have heard the gospel about cigarettes, yesterday trumpeted the city's latest anti-smoking campaign, which is clearly designed to make Saw look like Up. If you were troubled by the last round of spots discouraging a perfectly legal habit, get ready, because they've kicked it up a notch. I have to believe that within five years every pack of cigarettes sold in this city will be mandated to include a piece of diseased lung affixed right to the front. Sigh. I wish we were more like the French. [NOTE: Pay close attention to this clip for the appearance of Awl pal Meghan Keane, who is dubious about the ads' effectiveness.] 7
Indecisive Suicides Saluted With Statuary @12:25 PM
New Yorkers, who are so often stuck at the intersection between life and art (usually because the traffic signal is broken), have another issue to contend with: A series of statues that will be placed on building across the city—and, less worryingly, in Madison Square Park—is already confusing residents, some of whom are concerned that life-sized sculptures are actually jumpers. READ MORE 13
Big Boi, Featuring Too Short and George Clinton, "For Yo' Sorrows" @10:00 AM
Here's another excellent advance to stoke the fire for Big Boi's long awaited Sir Luscious Leftfoot: The Son of Chico Dusty album. As he proved back on "Synthesizer" from 1998's Aquemeni, no rapper makes George Clinton sound more at home. Too Short seems pretty comfortable with his gray whiskers, too. They're all very dope. 7
Very Recent History: LL Cool J's FUBU Coup @9:25 AM
The iconic '90s hip-hop clothing line FUBU is relaunching as FB Legacy, and marketing itself with a series of "testimonials" by rappers waxing poetic about the brand. D-Block's Jadakiss remembers when LL Cool J—who was from the same Queens neighborhood as company founder Damien Johns—managed to wear a FUBU hat in a 1997 Gap commercial. For those of us old enough to remember, it really was pretty incredible. LL even worked the upstart company's acronym into the rhyme he performed as part of The Gap's "How Easy Is This?" campaign for their "easy-fit" jeans. "G-A-P gritty," he said. "Ready to go/For Us By Us/On the low…" I did a story about it for Vibe magazine back then, and enjoyed interviewing the Gap spokesperson, who forced a fake laugh and said that while, no they had not been aware that LL was plugging another company on their dime, they were happy with how the commercial turned out. Also in the video above, which collects ads that ran on Virginia's WTVZ on May 11, 1997, this year's Best Actress Oscar winner, Sandra Bullock in Speed 2: Cruise Control! 7
Gay or Straight, Glasses Mean YOU ARE UNLOVABLE @2:55 PM
"The same-sex version of Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me, made by students at the University of Rocheseter, NY." [sic throughout.] 17
When Otters Attack @1:15 PM
Add the story of an elderly gentleman who was mauled by a rabid otter to your file concerning acts of war by the animal kingdom. The natural world REALLY has it in for us. And can you blame it? (In related news, a bear bit the fingers off of a Wisconsin grandmother, but because she was dumb enough to try to feed it through the bars of its cage, I think this one is far more understandable than the otter incident, which was apparently unprovoked.) 16
Science Finally Comes Up With Good Use For Human Body @11:55 AM
This is crazy! Computer people at Microsoft and Carnegie Mellon are developing a system for "allowing the skin to be used as a finger input surface"—basically turning the human body into one big computer keypad. Soon, apparently (watch!), we will be playing Tetris on little screens on our palms, using our fingers as joysticks! I am not creative enough to figure out the porn/masturbation possibilities for this technology—I'm sure someone in California is already hard at work—but Sarah Palin is going to be able to do like a whole PowerPoint thing for her next interview. 10
'Tron Legacy' Trailer Actually Pretty Hot @11:15 AM
I am sure the movie will be absolutely ridiculous—what little I remember about the original (and I actually remember the videogame inspired by it way better) was, even to a 9-year-old boy, utterly absurd. But they sure did a hell of a job with this trailer. But as we know, Jeff Bridges makes everything seem just that much cooler. [Via] 10
How Your Book Covers Get Designed (A: Quickly!) @10:45 AM
This "behind the scenes" teaser trailer from Orbit Books (awesome publishers of scifi and fantasy!) which shows, in time-lapse, How Yer Book Cover Gets Made won't make authors feel any better about the time and resources devoted to their book covers but it is fascinating and funny. 8
Emerald City Panhandlers Support Local Girl Scouts @1:30 PM
Never have I seen the ethos of an entire city so perfectly encapsulated by a 50-second segment of local news. Oh, Seattle. Don't ever change. 12
The Coyote's Guide To New York Living @12:30 PM
So it looks like the coyotes are here to stay. This video was filmed three weeks ago at "The Pond" in the southeast corner of Central Park. When the car lights pass it's like that scene from Collateral, right? After this week's exciting chase through Chelsea, Paul D. Curtis, Cornell University associate professor of Natural Resources talked to Discovery's Jennifer Viegas about it. "Coyotes have been in Central Park in the past, and will continue to appear in such urban parks and green spaces throughout most of New York State," Curtis said. "People will need to find ways to coexist with urban wildlife to minimize potential conflicts and concerns.”
Okay, so, coyotes, a couple of ground rules and some advice: READ MORE 10
Canadian PSAs Odd, Canadian @2:40 PM
Listicles about commercials always do well on the Web, so we're pleased as punch to point out this compilation of crazy Canadian PSAs assembled by our good pals at Gawker.tv—the happy version of Gawker.com. While I'm disturbed by the dearth of bear-related content here, the post is as good an explanation as any I've seen for the bland weirdness exhibited by the tundra farmers to our north: They learned it by watching these! (Some bonus Canadian amusement can be found here.) 25
Erykah Badu Sings "Window Seat" On Jimmy Fallon @10:40 AM
Erykah Badu brought her top hat and silver swim cap to Jimmy Fallon's show last night to sing her new single "Window Seat" with old friends the Roots—who, you'll remember, made much of the music on her first album, Baduizm, way back in 1996. She also wore a tan leather jacket over a very tight Wonder Woman costume that showed very much the shape of her body. But don't say anything about that because she is awesome. 13
Religious Group Doesn't Know The Difference Between "Good" Attention And The Other Kind @10:00 AM
Let us bow our heads and give a blessing of thanks to the Lord for providing us with such easy and mockable content. God truly is great! 13
The Choire Sicha Memorial Cat Video Post @4:20 PM
We could not end Animal Day at The Awl without the internet's most common currency, the cat video. I have to say, this clip—which is actually a "re-enactment" of an incident that occurred earlier, is somewhat shocking to me. Like, the cat was totally frazzled by a balloon stuck to it before and you thought it was so amusing that you were going to do it again? I am by no means an animal person (no disrespect intended to my colleague Cat the Cat), but I've got to say, in light of this and those "let's toss our confused and frightened pets into the snow" videos, it seems an awful lot like being a cat owner makes a person remarkably hostile toward their charges. [Via] 34
And Now, An Adorable Bunny Eats A Dandelion @3:20 PM
Just because. Stick with it, the end is OMGSOCUTE. 25
