Even if you are having the best morning in your life thus far—and let's be honest, you almost certainly are not—this will make it a little brighter. For this rest of us this is probably as good as it's going to get all day, so let's take the time to fully appreciate it.
I can speak to neither the provenance nor the freshness of this piece—the terrible secret that no one wants to discuss when it comes to Russian bear videos on the Internet is just how many of them are actually older clips unscrupulous embed jockeys have uploaded under different accounts to create the illusion of recency—but I can say that if you are in the market for approximately five minutes of a bear eating cookies you have come to the right place. I'm about to watch it for the third time today, won't you please join me?
"There are somethings people just should not do. Putting their head in the mouth of a 93 stone grizzly bear is one of them," [...]
If I were out skiing and a bear came running by I think I would make a big doody in my expensive waxed Limonta breeches and hope all that extra insulation I paid for kept anyone else from noticing. Then, if the bear didn't eat me and went off elsewhere, I would be like, "Well, it serves you right for spending a shitload of money to try and go fast down a mountain on two sticks, you idiot." God, is there anyone dumber than the recreational skier? They are the literal definition of "more money than sense." Anyway, the bears aren't going to bed anymore, and we should probably [...]
You know, when I was a kid—NO WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I promise, it's relevant! Okay, anyway: When I was a kid the big question was what would an image look like if you made a copy of it and then a copy of the copy and then a copy of the copy of the copy and so on until whoever was the office manager of the place where your parents parked you while they were at work came and yelled at you to stop hogging the Xerox machine. Anyway, times have changed, I guess, so now the mystery concerns what a [...]
"Normally cubs purr when suckling which some think is to remind a hibernating mother bear that her cubs are 'content'. Some previously captive bears continue to do this throughout adulthood, like this one. Can be result of removal from mother at too young an age through hunting or a bear that has been confined to a small enclosure. This rescued bear only knows himself; why he does it."
"Critical Hit is a video game music tribute band headed by composer Jason Hayes, performing original arrangements and electrifying live concerts of music from the most celebrated video games of all time," which seems fine to me given that if Bach were alive today he'd be composing a Candy Crush cantata and also it is finally Friday.
"Bears are well know for their intelligence. It seems that being arround humans made these fluffy creatures behave more and more like we do. Bears swim like humans, walk like humans, sit like humans, play like humans and more. Check out this compilation of funny bears behaving like people." —This is bad, yes, but it is bad enough that it crosses over that line and somehow becomes good? I would ordinarily say no, but, you know, bears. You'd better believe we give extra credit for bears. Enjoy or "enjoy," but either way, bears!
There is an old joke that goes something like this: One morning a polar bear cub is awakened by his parents so early in the day that the sky is still dark.
"Get up, get up," say the parents. "Today you learn to swim."
So the polar bear cub spends his day going in and out of the frigid water, in and out until finally the sky is dark again and he comes back home.
"Mom," he says, "can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," she answers.
"Am I a polar bear?"
"Of course you are," she replies.
"Okay," he says.
I won't defile our special space by putting it up here, but I have to say, that video of the animatronic devil baby that is going around? It made me laugh at least. If you've been burned by stunt viral videos before—and who hasn't?—I can understand how you might be reticent to watch this one, but I am giving it the valuable Alex Seal Of Approval, so click away, baby, click away.
This is not the governor of New Jersey, who is apparently planning to talk all the way through 2016, but it is for sure more adorable so let's watch it instead.
"Workers in a zoo in Wakamaya, Japan, nurture a tiny five-day-old polar bear cub after his mother stops caring for him" is the description, but "holy mother of fuck has there ever been anything more goddamn adorable if I could shit out my feelings they would be a diarrhea cascade of 'awwww' running down the inside of my leg right now seeing this amazing little polar bear baby video good lord HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THIS THING etc." is the only natural reaction. At least if you have a heart.
Don't get me wrong, the bear does not give a good account of himself here, but the fact that we now measure the majesty of nature by the possibility that it might be "classic on YouTube" somehow speaks to what we've lost of wonder in this new age of technology. But yes, bad show, bear.
I know I say this to all the bears, but you, Florida bear who perched outside the chamber of horrors that is the dentist's office before deciding to disappear into the day, are my spirit animal. Go with God. [Via]
Jaime Wolf recently spent some time with Agnès Troublé for T Magazine. (Perhaps you know her best as Agnès B.) They went to Brooklyn to photograph graffiti! The legendary designer's first film, Je m'appelle Hmmm…, is currently playing in festivals and opens in France this spring.
"Cannibal rats my arse, a bear almost ate me lassie." Yes, that's my impression of a Scotsman on his return to Britain after an encounter with a bear. I can also do a Welshman recounting his brush with a mountain lion, but it plays out pretty much the same way.
I mean, really, come the fuck on. It is FUCKING INSANE how fucking adorable these little polar bears are. Jesus Christ.
"David Peterson edited a time-lapse video using photos from the International Space Station publicly available from NASA" is the explanation for this and yes, it sure is mesmerizing, the ineffable majesty of the universe captured and conveyed in the form of a time-lapse video etc. but my question to you is am I the only one who keeps waiting for a Tori Amos vocal to come in on the soundtrack? It sounds like it's going to turn into a Tori Amos song is what I'm saying.
Hahahah, this bear walks through the gate LIKE HE WAS PEOPLE! PEOPLE! Below, bonus bear video for your midday Monday enjoyment.