"I get so bummed out when I see a lot of these archconservatives saying, 'They give these kids trophies just for playing. Those are loser trophies! You gotta teach 'em!' If it makes you feel any better, they will end up an asshole, hard and cynical like you, trust me. Just give 'em a few years."
This is very true, from one David Remnick, editor of the New Yorker: "One of the great Web orthodoxies was that no one would read anything of any length online. Bullshit." Yes! It's one of the most pleasing and surprising facts of the Internet! Anyone who says that long-form writing doesn't perform well online is working for some MSN celeb picture site or just hates words.
Don't worry, ladies! "The Bird Detective," a forthcoming collection of research on bird lovin', explains that birds all around us are perpetually trading up, ditching their husbands and babies and looking for hotter birds with whom to spread sushi on their taut, aging bodies. So it's not capitalism, or the paradox of choice, or plain old postmodern inertia and ennui that makes modern dating and romancing a nightmare of fickle sluttiness and Carrie Bradshawism, it turns out. Animals are just like that. Embrace it! Birds are skanks and so are you!
Congratulations, Dallas Morning News, you won the Internet.
Richard Rushfield, the preeminent American Idol scholar of our time, and author of the forthcoming Hyperion book 'American Idol: The Last Empire,' has long maintained that the television singing competition show is being destroyed by young girls-but helped by older women voters. Natasha Vargas-Cooper, the preeminent scholar of lady sexuality since Camille Paglia went off wherever she did, and author of the forthcoming 'Mad Men Unbuttoned,' is not having it.
Natasha: Have you ever seen such a calculated and pandering move the likes of Casey James Singing to Older Ladies this week, with â€˜Mrs. Robinson'?
Richard: That was a brilliant maneuver worthy of Von Clausewitz in the [...]
"Try not to fall too hard for Anthony Weiner. As riveting as they are, his theatrics — last night and every time he makes noise on the House floor or cable television — are best understood as part of a shrewd strategy to position Weiner for the 2013 New York mayor's race."