The Shadow Editors: Everyone Thinks He's Jill Abramson Now @1:15 PM
Tom: "Even with requisite journalistic care (including round-robin meetings with editors), it would seem that a [David] Paterson story should have been ready to be printed by Friday morning, especially since any yet-to-be confirmed charges against the governor could always run in a later article. Instead, the Times has yet to publish. While there may be extenuating factors, we have reached the point when the Times' care at being journalistically responsible has become irresponsible."
Choire: I mean. How do you even come to that conclusion?
Tom: It is crackers. READ MORE 10
Underparenting: Words! @12:05 PM
"Fuck!" the kid said, from the back seat of the car. They pick these things up from everywhere, the two-and-a-half-year-old children do. The child is like a runaway threshing machine rattling across the landscape of language, ingesting and scattering everything in its path: grain, chaff, string beans, feed buckets, chopped-up bits of mailboxes. How much of what your child says is understandable? the developmental survey form asks. You mean articulate? Or comprehensible? "The greens are taking care of the eights," he says. Or: "Welcome to Metro." Or: "I want a toaster in my ear." READ MORE 20
Guest Op Ed: High School Football Whiners Are Destroying America, by Tom Scocca @1:23 PM
From time to time, The Awl offers its space to normal, everyday people with a perspective on national issues. Today, we're pleased to bring you this report by Tom Scocca, who at this time has some thoughts about high school football.
Hurry up and enjoy your rugged NFL action while you can, America! Also your willing soldiers and what's left of your competent builders, hard-working truckers, and anyone else who applies guts and effort to get through adversity. The Washington Post brings a report from the high school football fields where the character of the next American generation is being molded—or rather, not molded, because who wants to play around in icky, squishy mud? READ MORE 21
Half Baked, with Tom Scocca: Stir-Fried Romaine Lettuce @11:10 AM
This barely is a recipe at all, which is the reason for it. Who is interested in cooking a side vegetable? But if you are feeding yourself, you need to include side vegetables or you will eventually develop chronic ailments. If you are feeding other people, they will be gratified by the variety and will feel properly cared-for. Multiple dishes! A balanced meal! Here is a way to do that with as little effort and attention as possible, and with only a minor amount of danger. You need: garlic. Salt. Cooking oil. One head of romaine lettuce. READ MORE 15
Underparenting, with Tom Scocca: The Misplaced Child @1:30 PM
There was a loud but muffled scream, and when I looked up, the kid was gone.
It wasn't that scary for me; I did know where he was, more or less. But this was what I was leaving my wife with, on the other end of the phone:
[Child's screaming.]
Fuck! Shit. Uh, I gotta call you back—
[Screaming continues in background.]
[Call disconnects.]
I was standing by the elevator bank, all by myself. The screaming was coming from the other side of a closed elevator door. READ MORE 20
The Shadow Editors: Meat and Real Estate are both Murder @3:07 PM
Tom Scocca: Did they time this whole rollout around Jonathan Safran Foer's vegetarianism book so as to get the maximum number of semi-precocious 15-year-olds to ruin their family Thanksgiving dinners?
Choire Sicha: Well it may just be the need for a Hot New Nonfiction Airport Book for fall, as Malcolm Gladwell only had a "best of" book. And I think David Sedaris is off this year.
Tom Scocca: Nice of J.S. Foer to swing over from the fiction team to fill the gap.
Choire Sicha: He took one for the team.
Tom Scocca: My advice to young would-be reporters is to write a novel, because once you've written a book-length made-up story, you're qualified to write about any sort of factual business you please. READ MORE 48
Underparenting, with Tom Scocca: No H1N1 Vaccine For You, Kiddo @10:30 AM
"Keep calling back," the receptionist at the pediatrician's office said, ringing off. They were out of H1N1 flu vaccine, she had told me, and they didn't know when the next batch might be coming. So keep calling.
I would rather not keep calling. That was my third or fourth or fifth inquiry about the swine-flu vaccine, by phone or in person at the office while getting other shots for the kid. This is not because I am a hysterical parent, unable to bear the thought of my child going without medical intervention. I do not snap awake at three in the morning with flu panic, worrying that some filthy stranger may cough around my precious offspring before he has been properly immunized, cursing the government for not coming up with vaccine fast enough, scheming to intercept the life-saving product before it goes to someone else's child. (Let the other child die.) READ MORE 24
"The Basic Problem Here Is That You Are Wrong": The Collected Letters of Tom Scocca and Keith Gessen @2:30 PM
Here are the last few thousand words on the topic of a new essay by Mark Greif in n+1. (The piece, On Repressive Sentimentalism, was published last week. I pointed it out to fellow readers while I was still digesting it. Later, Awl contributor Tom Scocca criticized it strenuously. N+1 editor Keith Gessen replied via his Tumblr, which I briefly addressed here.) Among other things, there was some confusion about "us" versus "them": who was a reader of n+1 and who was an Internet barbarian? (Who was both? *Raises hand slowly*) Anyway. And now, a couple of things about what follows, which is an extended correspondence, via email, between Scocca and Gessen. First, you're not actually encouraged, by anyone involved, to read it. Second, you are encouraged to engage in deep, calming breathing if you do choose to read on, particularly if you respond. Third, well, it's your afternoon, spend it however you like! READ MORE 168
The Shadow Editors: Reading Mark Greif's Recent 'N+1' Piece In Real Time @3:00 PM
You weren't the only ones with lots of things to say on the topic of On Repressive Sentimentalism, in which, well….
Tom Scocca: Wow, this n+1 thing is PROFOUNDLY ARGUABLE.
The Shadow Editors: When Did Perez Hilton Become More Famous Than Paris Hilton And Why Were We Not Informed? @3:50 PM
Underparenting with Tom Scocca: Stroller-Bullying on the Red Line @11:58 AM
It was a mistake to get on the Metro train with the kid riding on my shoulders. I should have taken him down and buckled him into the stroller out on the platform, even if it meant missing the train. But I had taken the wrong branch on the decision-making tree, and there I was, standing up in a packed train car at evening rush hour, with one hand on the kid's ankle to hold him in place, and another hand on the overhead handrail, which meant there was no hand remaining to put on the stroller handle as the train jerked into motion and the clumsily half-set foot brake came off, sending the stroller wobbling away from us, bumping through the crowd. Sorry, excuse me, sorry! READ MORE 10
The Shadow Editors: Hands Off That Rumpus, Dave Eggers! @5:54 PM
Tom Scocca: So because I am a subscriber to the New Yorker, my current issue is still the August 24 issue, which I guess people could buy off newsstands something like 10 days ago.
Choire Sicha: So you have just seen a truly hair-raising thing, I take it!
Tom Scocca: The pages are a little loose in this issue, because I flung it away from me and it hit the wall. I am not a satisfied customer.
Choire Sicha: The McKinsey consultants aren't going to like hearing that.
Tom Scocca: On page 61 of this issue there is a tiny bit of type. A photo credit. The photo credit reads "MATT NETTHEIM / WARNER BROS." READ MORE 51
The Shadow Editors: Five Ways Ben Affleck Interviews Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn! @4:26 PM
Tom Scocca: OK, so my September copy of Glamour arrived the other day.
Choire Sicha: You know what I'm going to ask you, right?
Tom Scocca: Are you going to ask me why I get Glamour magazine?
Choire Sicha: Okay yes that!
Tom Scocca: According to the sheet of paper enclosed with a previous copy, I am getting Glamour magazine to make up for the cancellation of my Domino subscription. This is a fine explanation except for the fact that I never had a subscription to Domino. READ MORE 10
The Shadow Editors: The Last Sad Gasps of the 'Baltimore Sun' @12:50 PM
Tom Scocca: Did you ever read that Baltimore Sun piece? About the hit-and-run?
Choire Sicha: About the 17-year-old boxer who was allegedly run down by the police, whilst on his dirtbike? Yes I did!
Tom Scocca: That was as bad as a newspaper story ever gets. There was no epistemological effort put into it at all. READ MORE 4
The "Family Bed" @4:56 PM
The beeping came on as the backdrop to a predawn dream—beep-beep-beep—and then, mhmm, is that the alarm clock?—beep-beep-beep—but too faint, unless we'd dropped our alarm clock under the bed and then dropped a comforter over it—beep-beep-beep—so it was maybe the bus, outside, idling, somehow generating a high-frequency overtone to the rumbling—beep-beep-beep-beep—or was it hrmm just the pulse in my ears—tinnitus, the blood surge—beep-beep-beep—hmrff NO, it was definitely, somewhere, an ALARM CLOCK, but— READ MORE 14
Memoirs! Leer At Yer Crazy Memoirs! From A Circus of 'Times' Employees, A Thousand Magazine Excerpts Bloom @3:38 PM
Tom Scocca: Can we talk about the Coney Island Freakshow of Defective Timespersons?
Tom Scocca: See! The Ghastly Addict & His Frostbitten Tots!
Tom Scocca: Smell! The Uncontrollable Vomiting of the Food Expert!
Choire Sicha: And let's not forget: Marvel! At the Guy Who Can't Stop Doing Other Dudes! READ MORE 10
The Shadow Editors: Malcolm Gladwell on Chris Anderson's "Free" @12:14 PM
Choire Sicha: Do not miss how amusing it is to have Malcolm Gladwell review Chris Anderson in the New Yorker.
Tom Scocca: Wha-
Tom Scocca: Zhu-
Tom Scocca: Huff?
Choire Sicha: So, yes, for starters? Gladwell finally makes the point that "approaching zero" is nowhere the same as zero.
Tom Scocca: That's how Richard Pryor's embezzlement scheme worked in Superman III. READ MORE 14
The Shadow Editors: Bill Keller, History Slut (Or, Bigfoot Strikes Again) @4:52 PM
Tom Scocca: Keller of 'NYT' in Iran: 'The Iranians Watch Us Closely'
Choire Sicha: Mr. Executive Editor of the Times is driving me a little crazy. His Reporter's Notebook?
Tom Scocca: Oh? Oh. "A newcomer to town."
Tom Scocca: Oh, he did not do a "Welcome to…" transition.
Choire Sicha: He's like 20 seconds away from a "Reader, I x'd Him." READ MORE 8
Underparenting: The Birthday Party, And Its Preparations @5:06 PM
Why was it that I baked the brownies from scratch? Well, first of all, there needed to be brownies. It's the kid's birthday, the actual birthday as opposed to the day we had the birthday party, and we were given to understand—in the way such understandings are given—that some parents like to send in treats for the preschool class on the birthday, to contribute to the birthday observances. Such things are done. READ MORE 23
The Shadow Editors: Matt Taibbi Has A Bad Pottymouth @5:38 PM
Tom Scocca: Am I the only one who sort of wishes that nice Matt Taibbi wouldn't use all those swear words?
Choire Sicha: YES.
Choire Sicha: I FEEL THE SAME.
Choire Sicha: I was like, "You wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying 'fellatio'? Ugh!"
Tom Scocca: Right? The letter needed not to say "fellatio."
Tom Scocca: (Why does iChat not recognize "fellatio" as a word? What is chat software FOR?) READ MORE 13
Ross Douthat, The Supreme Court, and Judicial Activism @1:20 PM
Today, New York Times op-ed columnist Ross Douthat weighs in on the "controversial power grabs" of the liberal Supreme Court, though he notes that "right-wingers, too, have grown accustomed to turning to the Court." The court overturns laws far too frequently, he says. "Prior to 1954, the Court had struck down just 77 federal statutes in a century-and-a-half of jurisprudence; in the 50-odd years since, it's overturned more than 80." He figures that a "super-majority" can't reasonably be enabled for court decisions, so what about the next best thing: term limits to curb all this activism! READ MORE 5
Underparenting: The Safety Seat Is Ruining American Family Life In Your Metal Death Box @3:00 PM
When I got back from the men's room, the kid was out of his car seat. We were at a rest stop somewhere between Chapel Hill and Richmond, a quick break before driving on till lunchtime. It was raining, so my wife and I were taking turns staying in the car while the other person ducked inside.
He didn't need to use the restroom (another reason not to be hasty about potty training), but the slowing and stopping of the car had woken him up. So my wife had popped him out of the harness, and he was clambering happily around the back seat with her. I took her place in the back, and the boy started climbing over the console and pointing to the dashboard. He wanted to see the driver's seat. READ MORE 14
The Shadow Editors: Some Day The Op-Ed Page Will Be Edited @1:02 PM
Tom Scocca: I go away for a weekend and Maureen Dowd gets caught plagiarizing?
Choire Sicha: You went away for a weekend? That's so unlike you!
Tom Scocca: We can't all have a house on Fire Island.
Choire Sicha: That island is only so wide, after all. But yes! You turned your back and suddenly Maureen Dowd is in the Scandal Of The Century Of The Moment.
Tom Scocca: Albeit sort of a listless scandal, it seems, thanks to the we're-all-dead-who-cares cloud hanging over Romenesko these past many months. READ MORE 15
Underparenting: When Your Child Produces Dark, Foul, Adult-Style Excrement @11:15 AM
About 20 minutes into his nap, the kid started crying. Naptime is usually pretty easy. This business about how little kids don't understand they're tired was always mysterious to me. My parents told me that when I was a toddler, I alarmed them by vanishing, having wandered off all on my own to sack out somewhere quiet with a pillow. Much to my pride and relief, the kid is the same way—if I don't put him down for a nap, he'll climb into bed on his own or flop down on the floor with a blanket. When you're tired, you sleep. What's so hard to understand? READ MORE 8
The Shadow Editors: Who Is Michael Wolff Smarter Than Today? @2:32 PM
Tom Scocca: Great. Now Michael Wolff is smarter than David Carr.
Choire Sicha: Says who???
Tom Scocca: Says Michael Wolff's daily spam: Who Is Michael Wolff Smarter Than Today? Previous winners have included Rupert Murdoch, Barack Obama, and the Pope. READ MORE 4
How To Treat The Screaming Magenta Two-Year-Old @3:48 PM
The kid is in the playpen, also known as the crib, where I dumped him. The playpen is also known, officially, as a "playard," sales-portmenteau-style for "play yard," because somewhere between the time I was wearing diapers and the time I started changing diapers, "pen" and its overtones were dumped as being retrograde. Who would pen a precious child?
I guess I just did, and not (while we're unpacking the assumptions behind the Graco Pack N Play Playard) for the sake of playing. I did it to shut him up. READ MORE 22
Listicle without Commentary: The 50 States, In Order @1:52 PM
50. South Carolina
49. Utah
48. Delaware
47. Mississippi
46. Alabama
45. Texas
44. Virginia
43. Indiana
42. Connecticut
41. Idaho READ MORE 208