Betty White: Not Dead @12:45 PM
The Internet's desire to kill any celebrity was at its peak last summer [Ed. note: "The Summer of Death"], in the wake of Michael Jackson's passing; in recent months, Twitter-borne rumors of dead celebrities had mostly gone dormant, perhaps waiting for the days to get longer and peoples' internal BS detectors to grow more sun-addled. The fake-death spectre did, however, rear its head last night, when some joker at the multiheaded gossip hydra Oh No They Didn't decided to mock up a TMZ screenshot claiming that Betty White had gone to the Miami retirement complex in the sky. READ MORE 10
TMZ Thinks the Epidemic of Prison Rape Is Hilarious @10:55 AM
Dear TMZ,
Your recent email blast of this morning? The one headlined "TMZ EXCLUSIVE: Balloon Dad — Don't Worry About Dropping Soap," which begins "Richard Heene won't have to worry about the "shower situation" in lockdown — TMZ has learned dude will get to shower alone"? This suggests that you require some forcible reeducation. (Particularly as you are an outfit with a gay man in charge.) We hereby sentence you to read the Human Rights Watch paper on prison rape and also to get, for the office, a guest speaker from Just Detention International. Here, you can read testimony from people who have been raped in prison. Also maybe you could donate to stop the epidemic of prison rape in juvenile facilities? Alternately, you could just not be evil, smirky shitheels. 16
Rich People Things, with Chris Lehmann: Rich Enough for You? @10:10 AM
Okay, so this is pretty much the reason why we have a New York Times Sunday Styles section: to rally its readers in a time of raw, unknowing confusion; to dispense the essential information they need in order to make sense of a world seemingly turned upside down; to assure that the bare coordinates of consensual reality remain intact in a social order suddenly deranged by crisis. To grant its imprimatur, in short, to the term "Bling Ring." READ MORE 4
TMZ and Michael Jackson: The World Won't Listen @10:11 AM
Not only will we not be able to see Sasha Baron Cohen's "interview" with Latoya Jackson in Bruno, and not only will we never find out what "stage move" he was feverishly creating "to succeed his famous 'moonwalk,'" (crueler Awl staffers than I suggest "the Demerol flop"), there are other, sadder concerns. Like, when will America learn to respect TMZ? READ MORE 20
TMZ Nips Miss California In The Bud @8:12 AM
As a service to those of you who are inclined to click through on TMZ's new set of topless Miss California photos, fair warning: they've blocked all the nipples. And, really, without nipples what's the point? It's the pageview-baiting version of empty calories. Ignore.[Via ASSME, a site less titillating than the name would lead one to believe.] 10
DC'S DMZ NO MORE FOR TMZ @11:23 AM
THE MORE YOU KNOW!
1. From the office of Senator Richard Burr (R, NC): "More people watch TMZ in North Carolina than we thought." Oh really? 2. From Harvey Levin, the honcho of gossip clearinghouse TMZ: "If I got Ruth Bader Ginsburg doing aerobics, that would be interesting." (!!!) All from this absurd, old-people story in Time. 1
