Horror Chick: Why the Heavens Should Crumble If ‘Inglourious Basterds’ Wins (Short Answer: Eli Roth) @11:40 AM
I can't stand Eli Roth. Everyone on the Internet has a strong opinion about him one way or the other, and the only difference between the two sides is that one is utterly fucking wrong. There are legions of horror fans who like him. There are oozy corners of the Web where he is worshiped and glorified. There are even fan clubs teeming with girls who think he's the zenith of swoony hotness or whateverthehell fangirls think. They are all tragically mistaken. Don't take it personally, fangirls—your mental slowness is part of the human condition. We're all morons about something. I think Jeff Dunham’s kinda funny. READ MORE 126
Great Moments In Jewish Comedy @2:18 PM
Ha, the folks at the Israeli embassy in the UK have a terrific sense of humor! They are actually talking about the results of a tennis match, but the joke is that you are supposed to think they are admitting to a highly controversial assassination that has caused a major diplomatic altercation. See, this is why everyone says the Jews are a funny people. 6
Someone Might Say "Only In New York" About This One @9:50 AM
Here's something you don't hear every day: There's a great story about Jews in the sports section. In what might come as less of a surprise, it's about the lead bond lawyer for the financing of Yankee stadium, who happens to be a Jew. His name is Jonathan Ballan. As the Times reports, Ballan "reserved the stadium for his son’s bar mitzvah on Saturday, June 5. In addition to providing lounges, the Yankees promised to give the Ballan party access to the stadium’s giant scoreboard in center field for 30 minutes." (No word on whether Jay-Z and Alecia Keys will perform "Empire State of Mind" and "Hava Nagilla," but one would think it's a possibility.) Unfortunately the Yankees are now in negotiations with boxing promoter Bob Arum to hold a major bout in the stadium that same night—one which would draw some 30,000 fans to watch the World Boxing Federation's 154-pound champ Yuri Foreman—who happens to be an observant Jew!—fight Miguel Cotto (a shaygetz). So the three parties have to work it out. "The price of the bar mitzvah is at issue," Arum told the Times. You don't say. READ MORE 4
Keffiyeh Kerfuffle! @4:00 PM
In case you missed it: "A self-described 'Jewish music label and promotion company' in the United States has begun marketing a version of the traditional Arab headdress complete with blue embroidered stars of David, the symbol of the state…. Erez Safar, the company’s founder and director, said the scarf, which also bears the Hebrew slogan 'Am Israeli Chai' ('The Nation of Israel Lives'), was created 'for the unity it creates among Jews'." Can you guess where in the United States these are being made? I bet you can! 15
The Spandex Report, with Erica Sackin: The Great Bedford Avenue Bike Lane Debate @12:21 PM
On Monday night, Pete’s Candy Store—on Lorimer Street, in Williamsburg—was packed. Flannel shirts, skinny jeans and thick-framed glasses with people inside them filled every seat, blocked the door and spilled out into the street. Outside the bar, there were two cops wearing “Community Outreach” jackets and also a smattering of Hasidic men. This was because people in Williamsburg really care about bike lanes, and so they had all showed up for a “debate” about a recently-disappeared Bedford Avenue bike lane. READ MORE 15
So All That Crazy Stuff On The Dollar Bill Is Just, What, Decoration? @11:21 AM
“We need to make Freemasonry more contemporary, to make it reflect 2010, not 1910—or 1810.” That's Tom Sturgeon, newly installed Right Worshipful Grand Master for the Pennsylvania chapter of Freemasons, to the Times' Holly Brubach. And, since he's not talking about, say, marshaling a network of laser equipped satellites to work in connection with a fleet of telepathic dolphins to better secure control over an invisible matrix emanating from a golden pyramid hidden inside a mountain in Roswell, New Mexico, it's pretty disappointing. A Right Worshipful Grand Master opens his induction ceremony to the public, holds it in a convention center, and grants newspaper interviews about it? What kind of secret society is this guy running? No wonder everyone wants to believe Jay-Z is in a Satanic cult and the president is a Manchurian double agent for an Islamist sleeper cell. We need the mystery, the intrigue. Paranoia needs an outlet. READ MORE 13
Jews actually monstrous to everyone, Jew-hating paper grudgingly admits. @8:15 PM 14
How to Cook a Latke @11:50 AM
Here's how not to cook a latke: Buy them from Russ & Daughters where the "homemade potato latkes" are $2.99 each, or 10 for $25. TEN LATKES FOR $25? Are you high? Do you know what is in a latke? Also, a reheated latke is a bad latke. Fact! So here, have a seat—no, over there, by the menorah. Have a piece of gelt. Make yourself comfortable. READ MORE 87
"There Appears To Be A Rabbi On The Court" @1:30 PM
Make of this one what you will: "The New York Knicks beat Maccabi Tel Aviv 106-91 on Sunday in an exhibition game that featured a bizarre delay in the third quarter when Maccabi coach Pini Gershon refused to leave the floor after he was ejected. The game was halted for about eight minutes when Gershon continued to linger near Maccabi's bench – a delay that included a rabbi trying to intervene by asking the NBA's replacement referees calling the game to allow Gershon to stay." 5
Killer Jews Are Killer Box Office @10:39 AM
Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds made an astounding $37.6 million at the box office this weekend, proving my long-held contention that there is an audience for movies about murderous Jews. That, and this article about the Final Destination movies, got me thinking: Where's the Jewish torture porn? The goyim have had tons of horror flicks with Santa Claus and leprechauns and such; why can't we have a movie pegged to some kind of Jewish holiday where everyone gets dispatched in the most unTalmudic of ways? READ MORE 21
David Mamet Will Not Turn Anne Frank Into A Sweary Con Artist @1:30 PM
I can sort of understand why so many people might find it amusing or disturbing that David Mamet will write and direct and new adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank. But let's be serious: The guy is pretty much a born-again Jew. Do you really think he's going to turn in a screenplay full of "fuckin' Nazis" and "Otto, you cocksucker"s? Of course not. I'm sure he's going to approach the assignment with sensitivity, respect, and a dramatist's instincts for what makes a story vital and true. So remain calm. I mean, it's not like they tapped Quentin Tarantino to direct a movie set during the Holocaust, right? Because that would be something to worry about. 10
Flying Rabbis Blow Horns To Prevent Pig Disease @9:50 AM
"About 50 rabbis and Jewish mystics have flown over Israel for an airborne prayer meeting in the belief it may stop the spread of swine flu… One of the rabbis says he is certain the danger to Israel has now passed because of the prayer flight." Okay! Insert your own treyf joke here. 5
New York City (Prison) Secretly Run By Jews! @8:30 AM
It's not every day, or every year, that you see the New York Post lash out against the Jews. But now the paper is in an outrage over preferential short-term jail treatment, what with the Jews getting kosher food (how dare they!) and, oh, also having engagement parties for their daughters in New York City's lock-up. (How awkward—for her!) The Bernard B. Kerik Complex, as it was renamed by Giuliani, and unnamed by Bloomberg, if you have ever been a visitor, and I do not recommend it, is a rotten place to go down the rabbi(t) hole—but only for Gentiles apparently! Why did I not ask for a kosher meal on that one night I spent huddled on their concrete floor in a puddle of sour milk? READ MORE 10
Antichrist Will Be Fabulous @10:20 AM
Ten years ago the late Jerry Falwell caused controversy by declaring that the Antichrist was alive and well, and was most likely a Jew. This week, a pastor in Wasilla, Alaska, suggested that the Antichrist is a homosexual. I don't want to get anyone in a panic or anything, but I think, particularly given the long-held assumption that the Antichrist will be someone with great power to influence the masses, we should all be keeping an eye on David Geffen. 15
The Portuguese And The Hispanic Problem @12:48 PM
Sonia Sotomayor has only been a Supreme Court nominee for two-and-a-half hours and she's already proving divisive among Hispanics, Jews, and Talking Points Memo readers. 3
Again With The Jews @10:51 AM
"It used to be unspoken that there was a tough, stinging style of humor that Jewish comedians aimed at Jewish audiences (who, like any ethnic group, loved being tweaked for their own idiosyncrasies when nobody else was around to hear) and another, less rough-edged style you brought out for mixed company. With those distinctions eradicated and Jewish comedy now dominated by a generation that never felt like the embodiment of otherness, is there still a home for old-world comedy?"
Probably! Talk to the Asians, they've been on deck for years now. 0
Pope Not Sorry About Holocaust @10:47 AM
Joseph Alois Ratzinger—also known as "Joey The Hat," "Benny 10-6," and "The Pope"—is facing criticism from Israelis who are bothered by a speech he gave yesterday at Yad Vashem, the country's national Holocaust memorial. The Israelis are upset that the Pope did not apologize for the Catholic Church's role during the genocide.
"Something was missing," said Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau. "There was no mention of the Germans or the Nazis who participated in the butchery, nor a word of regret. If not an apology, then an expression of remorse." READ MORE 25
Everyone's a critic… OF THE JEWS. @10:54 AM
Dr. Moshe Kantor, president of the European Jewish Congress: "I have seen two movies recently made by Jews in Hollywood. One was Valkyrie, which is a pro-Nazi film. The other is Slumdog Millionaire, which deals with the Muslim population in India, and in which one of the characters says, 'Allahu Akhbar' before dying." I don't think he means "strange" in the wistful, "it's a funny old world" sense of the word either. 0
