Nashville Couple Expelled From Mall For Festive Dress No More Freakish And Depressing Than Anyone Else In Tennessee
Now, I don’t think I ever actually believed in Santa. The closest I came was a slow-burning conviction that his name was Santa Sauce because he was, in some sense, actually a marinara-ladled meatball given life and laugh and beard. I don’t think that counts, really—certainly a meatball could never hold a sleigh’s reins, or operate a multinational corporation—so I'll claim that I knew from day zero that Santa was, strictly speaking, a kind of lie.
But he's a useful lie. One that parents can deploy to effectively trick children into not behaving like tiny sociopaths who are too short to drive themselves to school. (Imagine attempting to get full [...]
Are you preparing for The Holidays or possibly enjoying some The Holidays right now? It's The Holiday Season in America right now, so please allow me to be one of the many people who will wish you a hearty "Happy The Holidays" this Year Of Our Lord Two-Thousand-Zero-Zero-Party Over-Almost-Ten, OK? I really don't feature all that crap about how there is a "War On Xmas" and shit just because people say "Hey man, have a Happy The Holidays and a great New Year, umkay?" That noise comes from the same crowd who says Pollution doesn't Pollute anything, you know?
99% of the people I bestow a "Happy The Holidays" [...]
Okay, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings here, but tomorrow takes us to five weeks out from Thanksgiving, which means that the creeping dread you have started noticing lately isn't just down to the fact that life is full of misery and you're never going to have it as good again as you do now, but is also your mind's way of alerting you that we are beginning our descent into the Holiday Season, where excessive socializing and forced cheer are the order of the day, and things won't get back to normal until well after January because you will still be paying the bill by [...]
With the holidays upon us, everyone seems to crave booze a little more than usual. Either you’re hosting, party-hopping or catching a drink with a friend. The temperatures are cold. It's dark by three in the afternoon. Drynuary lurks ahead. And, after it turns out your Christmas Bonus is a subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club, you could use a little pick me up.
This is the time of year I turn to The Artistry Of Mixing Drinks for guidance. This classic was written by Frank Meier, the purported inventor of the Sidecar, who, in the 1920s and '30s, presided over the bar at [...]
What's the pope up to, this Christmas? Oh, just rallying the world's other intolerant religious leaders against the global menace of gay people registering at Macy's. Nothing says "Peace on Earth and good will towards men" like a yuletide jihad against same-sex marriage—because if there's anything the story of Christ's birth teaches us, it's to stigmatize and then attack people who lack legal and societal protections.
Pope Benedict on Friday signaled the Vatican was ready to forge alliances with other religions against gay marriage, saying the family was threatened "to its foundations" by attempts to change its "true structure."
The pope's latest denunciation of gay marriage came in [...]
When I first got into wine, I smelled terrible. You were never to shower beforehand: apparently your wine might taste too Zestfully clean. And you had to drink it out of special glasses. Reds were served at 56 degrees; whites at 48. You held it by the stem or the base—touching the bowl could destroy the thermodynamics, you know!
Then I saw it. The light peering into my plain white tasting room. I heard it. The music and laughter outside; the silence of no tasting notes. I slowly dug my way out of the dungeon. Outside? Grown Spanish women gravity bonging the local wine. Raw teak tables [...]