Posts Tagged: The Children
4

Hell Discovered, Filmed

It is said that the Divine Comedy contains passages within passages—lines between lines—only visible to the dead and the young. Could it be true? [via Gothamist]

22

Why You Probably Shouldn't Ask Me to Babysit Your Kids

Hey how was the movie?

No they’re good, they’re asleep! They were totally fun. No, it’s not a problem at all. Not at all! It was my pleasure to spend time with little Jacob and Marlie and be Gay Uncle Mike, ha ha ha!

Oh! Look how late it is. No it’s not a problem! I just have to be somewhere in 3 minutes, but there are a couple tiny things I should mention to you which I will do while I put my jacket on and grab my things and that is that I have to replace your tea kettle. I know, I am so sorry! And also [...]

0

Mangled Clown Corpse Tweets

"'Selfies…here I come!' the company quoted Ronald McDonald as saying in its announcement on Wednesday. Mr. McDonald won’t get his own Twitter handle, but the company will post comments attributed to him using the hashtag #RonaldMcDonald." — The fresh visage of Ronald McDonald, all but buried in recent years as McDonald's seemingly realized that modern children cannot be reliably plied into gorging themselves on fried slivers of potatoes and industrial-grade beef patties assembled by workers so underpaid that the company itself has suggested that they get a second job by a weird, creepy clown, proves that no #brand can resist the lure of Twitter, even dead ones.

14

Michael Wolfensohn Hates American Dream, Cupcakes

"When Andrew DeMarchis and Kevin Graff, two 13-year-olds from Chappaqua's Seven Bridges Middle School, set up shop at Gedney Park on a fall weekend last month, they were expecting a tidy profit. Instead, the two wannabe entrepreneurs selling cupcakes, cookies, brownies and Rice Krispie treats baked by them for $1 apiece got a taste of cold, hard bureaucracy. New Castle Councilman Michael Wolfensohn came upon the sale and called the cops on the kids for operating without a license." Local man trounces local Jewish children with a dream.

22

Eighth-Graders Get Really Mean 9/11 Art Review

Viewed through the unripe eyes of Calhoun’s 13-year-olds, the collapse of the Twin Towers might have been a natural disaster. Captions tell us that the “The loss was sudden and great”; “Smoke and dust were everywhere”; and “The streets were empty.” For all the project’s pretense to chronicle, nothing indicates why. “People donated blood.” So? Blood drives are commonplace. “The people were afraid.” But of what? Yes, “people still miss the Twin Towers.” But why are they gone? Did they just fall down of their own accord? Might their destruction have had something to do with the lethal ideology of Islamist jihadists? Or with Islam’s theological imperative toward [...]