"The Pogues' Shane MacGowan is searching for a dentist who can fix his infamously bad teeth so he can start a Hollywood film career."
How do they eat now in Britain? "More than half of the adults surveyed said they did not even bother cutting up their food properly, preferring to tear pieces off with their teeth, while 36 per cent scoff all their food in a couple of minutes." Also: "Four out of ten don’t wash their hands before dinner, the study found."
"One of John Lennon's teeth is expected to make £10,000 when it is auctioned next month. The tooth was given to the former Beatles' house keeper Dot Jarlett when she worked for him at Kenwood mansion in Surrey in the late 1960s. He told her to give it her daughter 'as a souvenir' after he had pulled it out in the kitchen of the Weybridge property." [WARNING: Tooth photo included.]
I am a massive coward when it comes to tooth pain. I give blood regularly, when I was particularly impecunious I sold my plasma, I can deal with most forms of bodily harm. But, Jesus, there's just something about my teeth that turns me into a gigantic frigging child. I haven't been to the dentist in years; God knows what's going on in there. Lately, though, my teeth have started to ache in a way that even I can't ignore. Mostly, I feel it in the mornings, so, thanks to this helpful "G.M.A" clip, I've diagnosed myself as someone who is grinding their teeth because of stress! So all [...]
A few months ago I had what I guess you would call a milestone birthday—although given the deliberately poor choices I have made over my lifetime, pretty much every birthday at this point is some sort of actuarial miracle. In any event, this flipping of the chronology to a suffix with a zero put me in a somewhat ruminative state: Maybe, I thought, I should do something nice for myself, instead of something bad to myself.
Now, I have many poor qualities—I drink too much, I am callous and indifferent to the feelings of those around me, I am quick to anger and deficient in patience, I have almost [...]
"Failing to brush your teeth properly could increase the risk of dying prematurely from cancer, researchers claim. They found a link between high levels of dental plaque, or bacteria, and dying from cancer up to 13 years earlier than might otherwise be expected. Those with the most bacteria on the surface of their teeth and gums had an 80 per cent increased risk of premature death."
"I had a lot on my mind, and brushing his teeth was an extra thing I didn’t think about at night." —How are you going to write little Carthage and Chanterelle's college essays for them if you can't even bring yourself to brush their teeth?
The next time you see a smiling child, that symbol of innocence and potential and happiness in a world where none of those things ever come to any meaningful fruition, look closely at his or her teeth: They are full of stem cells. Expensive, valuable stem cells that can be harvested to treat diabetes and Parkinson's and other diseases. And what are these selfish children doing with them? Eating Swedish fish and talking back. We should rip out all those teeth now, before they wise up and start keeping their mouths shut. Or maybe we don't have to! Turns out human fat is loaded up with stem cells as [...]
HIPAA privacy rules may prevent Miami dentist Dr. Virgil Mongalo from getting into the specifics of the dental procedure that resulted in the start of Lil Wayne's jail term being pushed back to today, but he's more than free to brag about how much bank he made: "When asked about the $150,000 price Wayne is quoted to have paid, Dr. Mongalo paraphrased Don Quixote: 'A tooth is worth more than a diamond.'" What this means for the relative value of a Google Trends-hopping press release remains maddeningly unclear.
Ladies, you know that baby you so desperately want, the one that you are racing against time and your decaying ovaries to have, because, really, what is the point of being a woman if not to make a child? Sure, we can talk about "fulfillment" and "career" and "potential" as much as you want, but we all know that at the end of the day society is going to judge you on whether or not you've squeezed out a tiny version of yourself. And it's not just society, it's YOU. If you don't procreate you are going to spend the rest of your life hating yourself, wallowing in misery [...]
What's that, you say? A "graphene sensor" that is tattooed on the enamel of my teeth and tells me when to go to the dentist? I believe I will pass, thank you all the same. ALSO OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP REMINDING ME OF MY DENTAL DIFFICULTIES?
"[T]he average gift from the Tooth Fairy in the past year was $2.10, down 42 cents from the previous year."
I wake in the middle of most nights with a sharp pain in my mouth, which I tell myself is the result of stress-related jaw grinding rather than some sort of deeper dental issue that I am too much of a frightened child to actually go see a professional about. (Dental work freaks me out!) So you think I'd be greeting this new miracle of Science with unalloyed joy.
If I know my Awl readers-and I think I do-I know that the most pressing concern you face these days is whether or not your massive consumption of wine will somehow damage the enamel on your teeth. Here's your answer: Drink red. Or better yet, drink bourbon! Although that very last tip is not based on any medical or scientific knowledge and should probably not be taken as gospel, particularly if you've seen the state of my own dental work, which is atrocious given my refusal to see a dentist and the massive amount of nicotine staining going on there. Anyway, drink red and eat cheese! You're welcome.