Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow Americans, and even you, Mr. President:
On this fortuitous evening, we come together in a highly ritualized, deeply esoteric sacred performance within the inner sanctum of our nation's high temple. The president's words will be parsed by an inverse pyramid of humanity, from a mass of dimwitted Politico commenters bobbing like frantic ill-informed ducks upon the surface to the industrial sludge filters at the bottleneck bottom, monstrous catfish like Chris Matthews and Wolf Blitzer, slurping up and then expelling the reactions to the president's prepared text, which have already become worn out punchlines on Twitter.
At home, the citizens [...]
One week ago today, Congress embraced a demonstration of cross-party goodwill and did the unthinkable—just by sitting together during the President's State of the Union address. The plan, championed early by Senator Mark Udall (D-CO), turned the event into a "prom," in that everyone made a bigger deal of it than necessary, a bunch of cool kids called it "lame" (and went anyway) and the headliner for the night just did bad covers.
Participants threw themselves into the one night fantasy with abandon, refusing to face the fact that their date probably just wanted to use them. Congress is, indeed, just another word for sex.
In the end, [...]