Every Time There Is a Great New Reality Show Idea I Get Excited But Then…. @3:00 PM
I can't believe I'm going to go through this emotional rollercoaster of excitement and then immediate disgust again, but here we are, Kirstie Alley. And it is true: there many reasons to watch the new Kirstie Alley show, in fact, Halle Kiefer has identified seven of them. (I know, only seven?). They include #2 ("Adorable gay assistant: I LOVE HIM BEFORE I KNOW HIM. He is adorbs, he is made of marzipan and has little glasses like a koala") and of course reason #5 ("According to the show’s website, Kirstie is 'patenting multiple inventions'!!!! WHAT? Paging Dr. Diva, we need some more vanilla frosting for this TIME MACHINE.") Ask me again in the morning after though when I'm sad again. 16
My favorite part of this RadarOnline (I know!) exclusive report that Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is planning to step down comes at the end: "The decision paves the way for President Barack Obama to make his second appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court following his first, Sonia Sotomayor." That is the kind of historical and political value-add you completely do not see coming. @1:13 PM 11
Dim Princeton Freshman Signs Herself Up For Lonely, Friendless Four Years @12:45 PM
So here's an exciting op-ed in the Princetonian! I can't decide which of these sentences I like more. Is it: "She knew what would happen if she started drinking." Could be! Or is it: "We live in times when sexual discrimination has, more or less, disappeared from our society." CAN YOU GUESS THE TOPIC YET? Oh, dear freshman—who, because you are so young, we will not use your name so as not to further destroy your now-horrific Google record—we were so close to taking back the night and now look at the night, now no one has it. (via) 39
Chris Dovi Stabbed By Goldman And Associates For Shady PR Win @2:37 PM
Goldman and Associates, the PR firm that just got a reporter fired from the Richmond, VA Style Weekly, is feeling that warm, winning feeling. The reporter, Chris Dovi, misfired an email to the PR person he was bitching about instead of to his boss. Jason Roop, the editor in chief with no spine, fired him, because Dovi USED A SWEAR WORD—Dovi referred to the PR person's client as "this blind fucker." Here's Chris Dovi's piece on a local transgender cop getting fired, a recent piece on gentrification and abuses of the community complaint system and one on the local Hasid population. He's available for work, you know—and he could use a better editor!—since he was crucified by Goldman and Associates for his "sad and telling example of the prejudice" that blind people face, in exchange for some free attention. That is lame. OH GOD SORRY, DON'T HURT ME, I JUST MEANT IT WAS REALLY GAY. Update: Dovi responds! 10
BTW, While You Were Being Selfish And Goal-Oriented Your Eggs Were Dying @12:30 PM
Ladies, I bring you some unfortunate news. I know all you want to do is birth that baby you think is going to complete you and make your life full of purpose, but the thing you need to know is that your ovaries are decaying even more rapidly than previously suspected. Are you 30 or over? Uh oh. A new study shows that most of your eggs are already gone, and the ones that are left aren't really that good. You will probably NEVER HAVE THAT BABY. There, there. No, shhh, I know. Chin up, sweetie, it's okay. I'm sure that career you've been busy building will more than compensate for the overwhelming feeling of emptiness and lack of meaning that failing to achieve the most important goal of womanhood usually results in. Maybe you should just shift your focus to trying to get married. I mean, sometimes that does still happen to a woman over 30, right? But you should probably buy lots of cosmetics for that extra edge, just in case. 52
Massachusetts Election Makes Internet Fun Again @3:00 PM
Wonkette turned us on to the fantastic Boston Globe "poll-watcher" "user-generated content" shindig going on today. Some recent faves: "Scott Brown will give my boss a tax cut who will then give me the raise he's been promising for the last 5 years! GO BROWN!" And: "I am voting for Scott Brown who will hopefully cut funding to those pesky cops who spend all day in chat rooms pretending to be teenage girls." The Internet is rad, dude. 14
Former Porn Star "Bending Over Backwards" To Meet "Enormous Payments" @9:20 AM
And soon she'll be homeless. The end. 17
The Great Las Vegas Monorail Fail @11:20 AM
"The Las Vegas Monorail Company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Wednesday." Oh noes, why? It has only been in business since 2004! "Because the train’s popularity was overestimated, the company has not paid off the $650 million in construction and start-up costs…. Monorail representatives told the state they anticipated about 20 million passengers a year who would pay a fee of $2.50 per trip. The monorail's Web site says it has carried 27 million passengers in five years." MONORAIL! 35
Sometimes people wish for things to come true. 13
Brad Graham @12:10 PM
Here's how one should best be remembered, by Awl pal and designer pk: "Brad"—the longtime blogger, theater enthusiast, coiner of the unfortunate phrase "blogosphere," serial raconteur and total hound who died yesterday—"did everything gay men are told we should no longer do in this day and age. He drank far too much, he loved to smoke, and he had a taste for distractingly handsome, alarmingly young men. In fact, Su and I once referred to a boyfriend whose name we had forgotten as 'this many.' The name stuck, and Brad would tell us for months how 'this many' was doing. Brad's last trip to Chicago left us in some disgusting bar at four in the morning—our fifth for the night—commandeering the jukebox, and Brad howling along to Prince's "Let's Pretend We're Married." Word. (Photo by.) 4
I Feel Bad About My President's Neck @9:39 AM
You know what makes for a bad morning? It's when you finally read one of those 9000-word HuffPo pieces that have been going around for a couple days, about how the President is whiffing, and how this healthcare bill is kind of bullshit and… you pretty much agree with it? I am not really feeling the love. I kind of want to go back in time and vote for Kucinich or maybe your mom. Anyway, when it comes to HuffPo, it helps if you: 1. Ignore any of the writer's historical examples, because I actually don't know anything about history and yet his simmering reduction of the past is suspicious to even me? And: 2. substitute any common word such as "said" or "expressed" every time the author (Drew Westen) uses "messaging." 3. Also, it really wouldn't take an editor longer than 8 minutes to cut 500 words, consider springing for that Arianna. (<3 you, whatevs!) Oh and 4. This essay is a total cheat because it's about "perceptions" and he has no idea what is going on in the White House behind "clothes doors." (Eighth-grade joke.) But other than that…. really, it looks like this healthcare bill is the worst Christmas present ever. 31
Miami Recovers From Devastating Mid-60s Cold Snap @9:50 AM
"Tumbling temperatures prompted emergency measures to help South Florida's homeless" this weekend, is the lead story in today's Miami Herald. Just how cold did it get? "The chilliest of the weekend's cold snap came Sunday, with temperatures hovering around the low 60s throughout the day. At night, the temperature dropped into the upper 40s in Miami-Dade." Oh noes? The terror! "A woman called 911 in Palm Beach County to let them know she was too cold." 12
The rebound starts at the top, thanks to this year's massive stock market gains of the last three quarters (the Dow: up 4000 since March). And so: "Finance foot soldiers expect payouts that will 'make up' for the anemic year-end checks of 2008." Thank God they've recovered from the recession! Don't worry, it'll trickle down in '10. Or not. @3:40 PM 2
Local Woman Surprised By Being Called A Racist After Blog Post @10:05 AM
A writer named Lisa Warren wrote a story yesterday afternoon on the Huffington Post. It was headlined "Two Black Role Models Done In By Hubris." One of those two "Black Role Models" was the president. (The other one was some athlete.) "It is tragic when an icon falls. When a black icon stumbles the tragedy seems doubly problematic," she wrote. The responses are apparently not quite what she expected! (Somehow!) Fortunately, she has her Twitter to keep her warm. 21
Pauline Kael Would Totally Have Focus-Grouped 'Avatar' @2:00 PM
Do you like movies? Do you also like watching them? How about if I told you that you could get paid to watch them? Great news for the 55 60! newly-unemployed newspaper film critics of America: If you are a freelance (also known as "not-really-working") film critic, you can now get a whole hundred dollars per screening (that's like 1/2 to 1/3rd of what you'll get paid for a piece at a good website!). As long as you're willing to fill out the focus group survey after. Go on! Don't be ashamed. I'd take that $100 and buy a bunch of socks and food with it. 3
Aww, the Rudy Giuliani excitement is getting incrementally less exciting—because people keep changing their stories. The Daily News earlier was having a source say: "In the next 48 hours he will announce that he will not run for governor, but will run for the Senate." Now it's all "A source familiar with Giuliani's thinking said the failed presidential candidate has been telling people he plans to run against Democratic Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand in 2010." Tomorrow, it's going to be, like, "Next year, Rudy will take a nap and go out to the deli for a while." @4:01 PM 1
Introducing our New Vertical: For Moms Only! @10:55 AM
Kidding! This parenting blog gravy train is pretty awesome though. And, thanks to a big article in the LA Times about how they are all product-scarfing prostitutes, the mommy bloggers are all up in arms today. (Most hilarious sentence: "Kraft Foods curried favor with mommy bloggers by bringing some to Los Angeles for the Grilled Cheese Invitational, in an effort to get online parents hungry for cheese.") One mommy-blogger, Christine, quoted in the article—she said "My business is not to bash companies. My business is to create buzz for the products and services we enjoy."—had her husband post a defense on her blog! "Wisk laundry detergent recently invited Christine, all expenses paid, to New York City for a couple of days so she could learn about their product. How fun would that have been? But since she's sold on Tide (no offense to Wisk, which I'm sure has a good product) and she uses it on the bazillion loads of laundry our family churns out each week, she turned Wisk down." Well then, case closed. 15
This is Going to be the Best Thanksgiving Ever @2:10 PM
Walmart's $20 Thanksgiving feast includes:
* One 12-pound Grade A turkey*
* Three 11 to 15.5-ounce cans Green Giant vegetables
* Two 14-ounce cans Ocean Spray cranberry sauce
* Three 6-ounce boxes of Stove Top stuffing
* One 5-pound bag of red potatoes
* One 12-count package of Sara Lee dinner rolls
* One 22-ounce pumpkin roll cake
*Prices and availability may vary in AK, HI, OK, NM, WI and at Walmart.com. Prices on select Grade A turkeys begin November 4; limit two turkeys per customer; weights and brands vary by store.
The Unholy Acorn Mess @12:41 PM
Fox News is going all-out in the war on Acorn, an organization operating in 100 U.S. cities that assists with low-income housing, voter registration and other community issues—and this business is crazy! There are now at least four undercover videos of that show Acorn staffers advising on illegal activities, giving the kind of salient advice I give friends all the time. (Hell yes, bury that money in your backyard! Obviously.) The Acorn staffers respond by saying that the undercover folks "weren't even good actors." In other news, Acorn will never get a dime of federal funding again. And meanwhile, they will be suing the shit out of Fox and the videomakers. But what will Obama be doing? He will be running away from Acorn like an anorexic, self-hating squirrel. 28
Like Corn on the Cob, Roxanne's Always Trying to Rob @12:15 PM
For Pete's sake, that whole story about Roxanne Shante getting her doctorate of whatever on the back of Warner Music? It is so faux. How depressing. 2
WWII Not So Similar to Plot of Popular Movie, Claims Historian @8:32 PM
Vanity Fair tummler Jim Windolf would like you to know that Hitler wasn't actually killed by a marauding gang of American Jews. Just in case you're confused, you pishers. 4
Torture Investigation To Decide If Torture Should Be Investigated @3:05 PM
An investigation is taking place to decide whether there should be an investigation! This is only exciting because the pre-investigation is by the Justice Department, and of the CIA and its techniques. You know: (whispers) torture. Do check back in 2011 to see if anything will happen. In other news, Bernie Madoff does not have cancer, so maybe he'll be around to see the results of this investigation! 0
Everything Old Is New Again at 'Sex and the City 2' Casting (Except the Louboutins) @4:49 PM
Reports a lady reader! "I just happened down 18th street, between 6th and 7th, where there is the casting call for the next 'Sex in the City.' Very motley assortment of ladies, big, small, beautiful, ugly, thin, even fat. Some look perfect and some are 'OH, honey, let me help you with that.' But they *ALL* got the shoes right (huge, bulbous and/or scary looking). The funniest part is that at first blush they all look like trannies–it is Chelsea, after all!" Oh how this takes us back to the kinder, gentler years of 2006! Also? They have been there all day! Guess unemployment is still high. 1
Dan Abrams Flips Out On Liberal Serious Lady @3:56 PM
If you'd like, you could watch former MSNBC honcho and now "NBC adviser/consultant" and also now Internet entrepreneur Dan Abrams blow a gasket on the TV (on the MSNBC in fact!) over what is essentially criticism that he isn't doing serious work, launching websites that monitor gossip and rank media personalities, unlike, I guess, the serious work he was doing before. 14
Washington D.C.'s Only-Deformed-On-The-Inside Hot List @11:05 AM
Every year, we learn afresh how awful it is to live in D.C. It is that time again for The Hill's "50 Most Beautiful People." Basically I wouldn't instigate intercourse with any of these people even if I were using Peggy Noonan's genitalia. (Well?) Although on the plus side, the people of color percentage is up this year to an astounding double digits! There really is change in the ethers. 23
Elsewhere, Some Readings On The Future And The Recessions @6:39 PM
Two related things; read up and we can discuss in class tomorrow:
1. Anil Dash on the similarities between Chris Anderson and Malcolm Gladwell.
2. Andrew Sullivan on "I don't think it is that terrible a thing if most journalists start earning less money." (Okay fine I'll say it: but then how will he afford all that marijuana that is preventing him from thinking well?) 10
Obama Takes Hard Bush Line On Terror Incarcerations @5:59 PM
Oh great news, to end a hideous week! The Obama White House is going to assert, via executive order, that they can hold terrorism suspects indefinitely. Now, they are doing this, in part, apparently so that Congress doesn't pass any stupid laws that are potentially difficult to get undone. But still—all this brave new change is not tasting so good, is it? In slightly better news, about half of those held at Guantanamo are going to be processed for trial or for, you know, release. Ahem. The other half are probably totally hosed—and nearly 100 sound like they are never going to see the light of day again. 9
The Ethicist Blogs @9:46 AM
Oh good. Randy Cohen, the NY Times "Ethicist," now also has a blog. Just what we needed, more people commenting on the news and offering unsolicited opinions to Madonna. 0
