Posts Tagged: SERIOUSLY?

Ban Drake

"I had lunch the other day with someone I extremely look up to. Okay—I had lunch with Will Smith, and listening to him talk, it made me think I don’t know what love is." I think Drake is legitimately disgusting.


How Long Do You Have to Live in Oakland Before Cops Shoot Your Whole Family?

So this guy Tony Jones is getting a ride from his mother's to his girlfriend's. The cops pull them over because they think they're in some van they're looking for, that was involved in some robbery. Apparently it's not, because the cops let them go. But Tony gets out and walks, and the cops follow him, because, they say, he was "carrying" a gun. (Having a hard time picturing this, you know?) Then he starts running, and the officers following him "felt" like he was going to shoot at them, so the cops preemptively shoot him in the back. Gosh, why would he run? It's not like [...]


Abandoned American Aid Worker Hits Five-Month Mark in Haitian Prison

Two weeks ago, we reported on Danny Pye, a Christian aid worker who has been wrongly imprisoned in Jacmel, Haiti since October, 2010. Numerous Haitian officials, including at the Ministry of Justice, have acknowledged that Pye should be released. The U.S. Embassy, aware of Pye's situation since the beginning, has done no more than write a strongly worded memo. Finally, last weekend, the Associated Press did a story on Pye.

The story (quite similar to our nearly 14-day old report) shed very little new light on the situation. The only new information shared was to note that the judge in the case "has been seriously ill and [...]


Why Is American Selfishness So Widespread Now?

I have been feeling a good amount of despair recently. Not on a personal level-I'm generally as happy-go-lucky as a leprechaun with a head injury. (It's weird!) But the constant reminder of the American lack of empathy is astounding. It's everywhere. (Do we need to drag in the case of the woman who attended the Glenn Beck rally in D.C. over the weekend and her point of view that Jesus would hate welfare?) And so it was with great wariness that I approached the comments section at the end of this first-person story by a man in Nevada who, driven into destitution by disability, family medical bills, [...]


Halliburton's PowerPoint Template is a Human Rights Violation

Probably the most horrifying revelation of Halliburton's involvement with the Deepwater Horizon Gulf of Mexico oil rig (they did some of the deep water work, apparently!) is just how hideous their PowerPoint template is. Would you really buy a private army/gun/oil rig from that presentation?


The New Robber Barons Also Robbers

It was only a matter of time. First, the histrionic cry of "socialism" at the merest suggestion of a more equitable distribution of the social good known as health care. Then, the robust trade in New Deal denialism on the right–the economic version of intelligent design theory, only without the intelligence. And now, unsatisfied with turning the clock back to 1929, Wall Street Journal editorial hand Daniel Henninger has called for the resuscitation of the Robber Barons. Henninger derides the incremental efforts of the Obama administration to boost job creation with tax credits and stimulus funds. That's all just bootless government meddling in the masterful free market, [...]


Is the Recession Over? Oh Please.

By the metrics of things that don't include the staggering rate of unemployment, the recession might be over, said chief Federal Reserve dipstick Ben Bernanke. I laughed! Did you? You should have! Go on, laugh a little. You'll feel better. Then go and try to get a mortgage. Or shop at one of those fine American small business that closed down recently. Or, you know, go shopping in the New York Times cafeteria this week during Employee Appreciation Week! Where everything is "7 -90% off."


Björk's Kickstarter Comes Up $565,374 Short

"£15,370 pledged of £375,000 goal. Funding for this project was canceled by the project creator about 1 hour ago." (via)


The Great Boy-Intellectual 9/11 Chin-Stroke-Off

"I’d suggest we start round two by addressing Michael’s question of whether one effect of 9/11 is a permanent counterterror 'archipelago' that, to state the obvious, is not a natural friend of liberal politics, democracy, or perhaps some other goals of the reaction to 9/11." —Okay, I know our official position here is pro-words, pro-dialogue, pro-length and pro-ideas, but sometimes don't you just want to choke a bunch of eggheads? Here's an endless panel discussion of intellectual boy handwringing about 9/11 that is the very definition of OH GOD CLOSE TAB CLOSE TAB. That being said: "But surely intellectuals, including, if I may say so, Michael [Ignatieff] and [...]


Receptionists: Just Another Budgetary Item To Cut

The next casualty of the recession: Receptionists, who are, as one expert quoted by the Wall Street Journal says, a "a nonproductive use of a person." (That the person who proffered said opinion is a management consultant resulted in me making one of those laugh-cry-sneeze sounds.)


NYC's Great Bedbug Plan: Nothing, Really

Sad but true: New York Will Solve the Bedbug Crisis by Speaking Very Sternly to the Bedbugs.


We Regret Your Baby's Name As Well

Here's a little sentence that requires no real explanation: "At the age of eight months, Presley's parents started calling her Summer." Speaks volumes, doesn't it? "It took six visits to civil court but now the government calls her that too," explains the Times, in this little bit on regretting the wacko name you gave your baby. What did you ever expect? But this at least is an interesting age, in which nearly all always-popular names are less popular than ever, due to diversity in naming choice-due to our love of fun! And our worship of individuality, etc. This points us, of course, to the extreme rise and [...]


2010: When the Idiocracy Singularity Occurred

Oh hey! The Idiocracy has happened! We found the proof in this (NSFW) video from Spike TV's new "TV show" that actually exists. It is about straight guys eating things that have been in their butts and laughing at each other, and it is a TV show, on the actual TV, it seems.


CNN Poll: From Whence Comes the Phrase "Death Panels"?

Oh boy. None of the above?


The Reading App You Deserve: "A Kind of 21st Century Cliff’s Notes on Steroids"

Do you love reading, but hate books? SUPERB NEWS.

The Citia team takes the author’s book and deconstructs it, looking for the main and subsidiary themes in the book’s narrative. This is done without regard to the book’s original organizational structure. It doesn’t follow existing chapters per se (or at all); it’s completely rethought. Then the information is further granularized into “cards”, 100-150 words (sometimes borrowing the author’s prose but often rewritten) that summarize a particular point.

You guys, stop laughing. It gets better!


Why Can't Johnny Read? A Bunch of Men on How Janet Malcolm Is Awful

"I’ve never read Janet Malcom [sic], and I doubt I ever will." —That's journalism professor Matt Tullis, who follows this comment with 581 words on how awful she is. I guess he would know! GOOD FUN. So wouldn't you love to read a bunch of dudes writing really poorly and really very angrily about Janet Malcolm? One guy is incensed that she has taken "a grand run at my profession." (They are talking about a book that came out 21 years ago?) Anyway, sure you would! You could also read Tom Junod on the topic, who writes, in Esquire: "Janet's [sic] Malcolm's a self-hater whose work has [...]


The Gold ATM Comes to America

It is, perhaps, the logical sequel to a decade in which Americans were encouraged to use their homes as ATMs: the recent announcement that next month will see the debut of the first gold-dispensing ATMs in the United States. As any casual Glenn Beck viewer will tell you, the gold market is booming; the metal eclipsed the $1,300-an-ounce threshold recently, the highest price it's reached in history. That's nearly double the price it fetched in 2008, and nearly four times its price when the current gold craze took off in the early aughts.

And the appearance of machines dispensing shiny yellow little bars and Krugerrands is, [...]


Upper West Side Jewish Family Found To Be "Left-Leaning"!

BREAKING: New York City Jews in the 60s and 70s discovered to be liberal, hard-working, concerned with education for their children and issues of social justice! What does this "new" "information" about Supreme Court Justice nominee Elena Kagan's family mean to us? A: Nothing! You're not confirming her nomination! Happy Juneteenth, everyone!


Internet Now Mostly Composed of Fanboy Frothing for the Post-Literate iPad

You people have lost your minds over the iPad: "Your grandma will embrace it. Your aunt will embrace. Your cousins. Your kids. Everyone who doesn't have a fucking clue about computers and don't want to learn and don't care. Everyone will jump into this new era of computing. Everyone." I can happily admit it is gorgeous. And yet. We are gaga for a thing with an application that delivers a New York Times front page that only displays four whole stories? A thing that's just like reading a book, a book with DRM encoding, so you don't actually own it, and also book that weighs 1.5 pounds. (The [...]


The Repressive Sentimentalism of David Brooks

David Brooks is off to the sexting races today. He is claiming, in essence, that since we kids today do not date within the circles of our church socials and Maypole parties or whatever, and that we have no "social scripts" for getting sex and romance, and so bad things happen, and we are all sexting each other and constantly trading up for better sex parties and getting all degraded. This has some truth to it! There's two places where he goes hideously wrong. For starters: "Over the past few decades, these social scripts became obsolete. They didn't fit the post-feminist era." Yeah, your complaint about the uses of [...]