This weekend the Times travel section wrote about frequent flier security programs, including TSA PreCheck—or, as the government likes to call it, TSA Pre✓™. Mostly it was just speculation from the writer: "I’m anticipating an expedited stroll through a special security checkpoint." Oh honey! Well, let me tell you about that expedited stroll, as a bona fide government-approved flying person who has now strolled security more expeditiously than can be believed.

The Pentagon-really, the "Department of Defense cyber command force"! LOL-will admit today that it has spent $100 million in the past six months dealing with hackers. Doesn't that seem inexplicable?

Hey, America, howyoudoin'?

Hahaha, I kid! I know that's the sort of greeting so many of you associate with me, New York City, but I assure you I am much more classy and sophisticated than the impression given by the many television sitcoms and Hollywood exaggerations you have seen over the years. I exude elegance. I am, of course, the Greatest City in the World. You should come see for yourself!

To the frontiers of transportation security: "Police at the Twin Cities airport have stepped up patrols after an incident last night that ended with officers chasing a suspicious man holding a stuffed animal. The Airport Police Department responded to Delta Airlines' Building C after a Delta employee confronted a man and asked to see his ID badge. Police said the man responded by holding out a leopard-print stuffed animal and saying, 'This is all you need to see.'" He absconded before being apprehended, but police are on the lookout for a male suspect bearing a resemblance to a leopard-print stuffed animal.