Posts Tagged: Secrets
1

Filtering Technology Advanced

Whisper's advanced technology to reduce the amount "meanness" floating around on its service, otherwise known as "libel," has a high cost: The company, based in this city’s Venice neighborhood, says it has built filters to reduce celebrity gossip and everyday name-calling. "We have a huge layer of technology that detects proper names and puts those posts in a different queue for evaluation by 130 full-time human moderators," Mr. Heyward said. "At least in the short term, these policies have been growth inhibitors for us."

What a terrible thing this at least passing interest in making people less savage hath wrought: an inhibition of growth, a startup's only [...]

52

Crack Brownies

It all started with one of those women who won’t give out her recipes. You know the sort. I suppose if I were a tougher lady, more Joan Collins-esque, I would have told her to stop being a ridiculous Greedy Gerty over her stupid brownie recipe and then thrown my drink in her face for good measure but the reality is that I’m the type of sucker who says, and really means, things like “I totally get it, no no, I completely understand—don’t give it another thought, you’re so sweet to even apologize.”

However.

While I may be a simpering twit, I’m also a touch competitive. So as [...]

4

The Book I Didn't Write

I didn’t write the book because the thought of it made me feel vaguely ill at all times. Even when I wasn’t thinking about it directly I was thinking about it. None of the thoughts were good.

I didn’t write the book because it was a book about betrayal that could only be facilitated by my betrayal of other people, many of whom had already been betrayed. This wouldn’t have been a clever metatextual commentary on the nature of betrayal; it would have just been really quite mean of me, and sad.

I didn’t write the book because I thought that in the end it would not [...]

49

The Secret to Not Wearing Socks with Shoes

A reader writes! "Since moving to New York, I seem to see a lot of bare feet in dress shoes. Is this a recent trend? Or a New York thing? In this heat, you'd think… that would make for some stinky shoes. I will occasionally go sans-socks if I'm wearing slip-ons or sneakers or going to the beach or something. but at the office? I don't know… Where do you stand on this?"

Well, I'll tell you where I stand. But it's embarrassing. There are these tiny, tiny fake mini-socks. THEY ARE FOR MEN. REALLY. And I wear them all the time.

2

The Only Diet Tip You'll Ever Need

"Forget abandoning carbohydrates or detoxing. The new dieting craze sweeping Britain and taking off in the United States lets people eat whatever they like – but only five days a week." —People, please. I had plans to make a fortune on my one simple diet tip, but because I can't stand to see you all grasping at these ridiculous gimmicks—and because I can't figure how to pad it out to book length—I will share this amazing diet secret with the world: Before you are about to eat anything, ask yourself, "Am I going to enjoy this?" If the answer is [...]

50

Writers That Complain Should Be Roundly Mocked, Beaten

So I took my first non-emergency day off yesterday from this blog, which is my "day job." Holy mackerel. I went to some libraries and did research! I went to cafes-cafes that didn't have wifi-and wrote! I took a nap in the middle of the day! So here is my mini-revelation. You know how you have writer friends who don't have another job who are all, oh, my book, my book is due in four months, I have to write this boooook and are all torturey and tortured? Please laugh at them all the time.