In some alternate universe Vice President Sarah Palin is celebrating her 50th birthday today while former Senator Barack Obama stands out on the balcony of his corporate office, takes a long drag on a cigarette and thanks the Lord God above for letting him lose the 2008 election. "I'm the luckiest son-of-a-bitch alive," he thinks as he exhales. In this universe, Sarah Palin is 50 today and Barack Obama is still stuck with his terrible job. It's funny the way things work out.
When Fox News got rid of Sarah Palin by offering her a very tiny contract renewal, people who follow these things said, "Oh, Fox News has been forced to scale back the crazy a little bit, because the old white lunatics are quickly dying off and America's population now consists solely of multi-ethnic transgender metrosexuals." But these people were wrong, because Fox News just hired Herman Cain as a paid on-air personality.
Herman Cain was the 2012 GOP presidential frontrunner at some point—everybody was a GOP frontrunner at some point, except for Sarah Palin. Imagine being such a washed-up dingbat that you couldn't even compete with the likes [...]
At a recent New Hampshire tea party rally, Sarah Palin spoke of the regulatory burdens on the area's Yankee Fisherman's Cooperative, a group that she compared to "our own commercial fishing family." Back in June, on a previous trip to New Hampshire, she said, "Well, commercial fishing is near and dear to my heart of course. You know, having fished for so many years. And I understand fish politics. I understand what these fishermen are going through."
Man, remember when everyone was soiling their undergarments over the possibility that Sarah Palin might become president? These days she's getting compared to Gary Hart. And not the '84 model. It's a funny old world.
With her usual vacuous brio, Sarah Palin has seized another news cycle, using an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network to attack the Obama administration for failing to do, well, something she’d vaguely like to be done about the political crisis in Egypt. The half-term former Alaska governor assailed White House diplomacy hands for withholding reliable information about the nature of the protests and for their inability to clearly telegraph the next moves the United States will pursue in the suddenly unstable Middle East. The potential risks, she warned, are dire indeed. Washington urgently needs to determine just “who it will be that fills now the void in [...]
On Monday, I offered some obvious questions about how Sarah Palin's claims about her hunting experience did not appear to be reinforced by her actual hunting during the latest episode of "Sarah Palin's Alaska." There's a picture and passage from her latest book, "America by Heart," that only raises more questions.
The NRA has responded to the Mike Bloomberg-backed Mayors Against Illegal Guns by casting doubts on whether or not the "curious" man in the group's latest pro-background checks ad is who he says he is—or AN ACTOR. Despite MAIG's insistence that he's a real West Virginia gun owner, one blog has offered $500 for anyone who can prove he is (or isn't).
One of the NRA's key questions is how a real gun owner would have such terrible "trigger discipline," meaning, placing a finger on the trigger at any time before the exact second a shot is to be taken. "The NRA recommends Mayor Bloomberg use some [...]
Sarah Palin does not care for Barack Obama's "shuck and jive."
When word went up in the press filing center Friday that Sarah Palin had rolled onto the grounds of the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines—unannounced, of course—a group of reporters, chasing a rumor about her location, immediately scampered off, weaving through the swine and cattle barns, dodging stony-faced teenage farmers and piles of pig shit. When we found her, near a row of massive steer, the scrum was already enormous.
As she posed for pictures with fairgoers, Palin insisted to the dozens of reporters jockeying for position around her that she was not there to steal the spotlight—nevermind the fact that she had arrived on the same day that [...]
It seems too obvious to even say, but what with the celebrations about Glenn Beck leaving Fox News… well, yes: "Essentially, he's leaping from venue to venue and using each to get richer, more famous, and more validated. Now he's a free agent with millions of dollars at his disposal and more than two million loyal fans." Hi, Sarah Palin quit her job as a governor because it restrained her and her income potential. Why wouldn't Glenn Beck do the same thing? (Besides, he's been gaming this out for ages.) You don't want to be the talent: you want to be the owner. And he doesn't need [...]
Yesterday, we looked at how taxpayer-funded USAID has been supporting evangelical organizations in Haiti, in direct violation of executive orders by both George W. Bush and Barack Obama regarding federal grants to faith-based organizations. We noted in particular how Franklin Graham—Billy Graham's son—uses federal aid to increase his personal profile and influence and, using USAID-funded Haiti clinics as scenic background for Fox News specials, has secured Sarah Palin's enthusiastic, fervent endorsement, no doubt in return for election support come 2012.
Now, proving that the left hand of the politically-active religious right doesn't know what the right hand is doing, over 160 Republicans in the House have endorsed defunding [...]
Palin champions will hold up last night's "Sarah Palin's America" episode as proof of the candidate putting her money where her moose is. That is to say, after years of talking about being a hunter, Palin actually went out and shot something.
While much of the debate around the episode is an ethical one about a millionaire shooting a defenseless animal so as not to have to pay for meat, the real conversation should be about how the episode absolutely exposes Palin as a charade.
Oh look, there's a new attraction in Manhattan for the downtown art crowd:
The husband-and-wife pair stepped out alongside Morgado on Tuesday night for the opening-night gala for "The Bible Experience," an exhibit in downtown Manhattan featuring photography from the mini-series as well as biblical artifacts by way of the Vatican and a giant, two-ton crown of thorns hanging from the ceiling. A spooky Old World ambiance was enhanced by dim lighting, a fog machine and Hans Zimmer's musical score in the background as guests wandered through a cavernous space built to seem centuries-old with earthy walls and barely any heat circulating. "This is a gift to [...]
Sarah Palin will not run for president of the United States. In related news, I have decided that I am going to let someone else be God for a little while longer. Even though it's fairly obvious that I'm the best person for the position, this website comes first, and I feel like I can do more for humanity by posting bear videos and writing "Sure, why the hell not" about ridiculous news stories than I could as the omniscient Lord Over Creation. I will continue driving the discussion for bourbon and blowjobs from this platform here, confident that I can do just as much for those issues [...]
A poll shows that only 19% of Republican primary voters believe that Barack Obama would be taken up to Heaven in the event of the Rapture. More than half see Sarah Palin flying up there, or whatever it is happens.
"We eat, therefore we hunt." —Sarah Palin, Going Rogue
In December, after an episode of "Sarah Palin's Alaska," The Awl, along with many in America's hunting community, asked some questions about the former Governor's longstanding claim of being an avid and experienced hunter.
At some point, all hunters are inexperienced, and even experienced ones are often unsafe, but being unlicensed is more than just illegal, it's detrimental to natural resource efforts. Palin herself believes this, writing in 2010's America by Heart that "…it's important that we're managing our fish and wildlife resources for abundance in the Last Frontier."
Curious if Palin was licensed for her 2010 [...]
Our Government-Funded Mission to Make Haiti Christian: Your Tax Dollars, Billy Graham's Son, Monsanto and Sarah Palin
The story that best describes Haiti's last year is not from a slum, nor from a cholera clinic. It's not to be found in the rubble—but in a courtroom in Texas.
In November, 2010, Lewis Lucke, a former U.S. ambassador to Swaziland and former USAID official in Haiti, filed suit against Haiti Recovery Group Ltd. for some $500,000 in unpaid fees for the tens of millions of dollars in contracts Lucke secured for the group in the days after the earthquake. After leaving his USAID position, Lucke immediately signed a $30,000 a month "consulting" contract with the Haiti Recovery Group, a conglomerate formed by several American contractors with [...]
Since Bill Clinton finished up running the White House last Friday, this morning he's on the way to Haiti, to clean up after Sarah Palin. Over the weekend, Palin made a shocking call for aid to Haiti, suggesting that "U.S. aid perhaps being lifted." She went on: "Again — not to get political — but if some of the politicians would come here and see the conditions, perhaps they would see a need for, say, a military airlift to come bring supplies that are so needed here." That is such a good idea she has! A military airlift you say. Maybe Bill Clinton will bring some [...]