Sarah Palin's Giant Hairdo Will Blot Out The Sun @1:10 PM
As part of their continuing campaign to prove to the world that Sarah Palin is going bald, the folks at Wonkette point to this photo. In the interest of fairness, we should note that it might not be a wig at all. It could just be a huge mushroom cloud rising above the mountains behind her. 17
What 80s Hits Do Sarah Palin's Tweets Remind YOU Of? @3:31 PM
This is why Sarah Palin is the best at what she does: In a simple, 140-word burst of text she can evoke both the beginning of Whitney Houston's "So Emotional" and that Berlin song from Top Gun, all while distorting what Nancy Pelosi actually said. Admit it, the gal's a pro. 15
"They were like locusts. She showed up with like 20 people, and they immediately swarmed the place taking everything!"
A vendor at the Silver Spoon Red Cross For Haiti Oscar gifting suite discusses the behavior of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin and her entourage, who apparently made a pretty good haul the other day. @9:20 AM 18
"This is what you might call putting 'perfume on a pig,'" says Sarah Palin of the President's health care proposal. I kind of love her, because she knows she's fucking with you. @6:25 PM 12
It takes a certain amount of testicularity to say something like this with a straight face—if indeed their faces were straight—so you've got to admire the top brass at Politico for this one: "We know we’re part of the problem — and we’ll surely continue to run stories about [Sarah Palin.] But — we’re looking at you, top newspaper editors and network executives — listen to your grumbling political reporters when they try to tell you why going overboard on the Hockey Mom beat isn’t wise." I mean, they're not gonna, but you totally should. @11:00 AM 5
The Future Of America Is Written On Sarah Palin's Hand @10:50 AM
I suppose we should discuss HANDGATE. Did former Alaska governor Sarah Palin write something on her hand to help her remember her answer to a pre-screened question during this weekend's Tea Party convention? Is it a big deal? Can we resist making teleprompter comparisons? I don't know. I still think the idea that Sarah Palin will be president is a completely overblown fear of folks who, either out of frustration or a general contempt for the intelligence of the American electorate, somehow believe that we would ever vote for someone so manifestly unfit for the office. On the other hand, you look at recent history, and, well, you can sort of see what they're worried about. Ta-Nehisi Coates says that this is "what happens when you turn conservatism into nothing more than the white populist id." READ MORE 11
Todd Palin As Involved In Alaska Business As You Expected @12:20 PM
I am suffering from severe Sarah Palin fatigue. Hopefully that soon pass, because, you know, she's good for traffic and stuff. Anyway, for those of you who cannot get enough of the former Alaska governor, here's something about the release of a ton of e-mails showing that Todd Palin got all up in the state business when she was in charge. It is not particularly shocking, but there you are. And the part about how "the governor coached her staff on how to disguise the amount of electrical work needed at the mansion to hook up her new tanning bed" is at least amusing. 8
Rahm Emanuel's R-Wordgate Rocks Facebook, Blogs @11:50 AM
White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel allegedly referred to liberals as "fucking retarded." This caused great anguish to Sarah Palin, who noted that, "Just as we’d be appalled if any public figure of Rahm’s stature ever used the 'N-word' or other such inappropriate language, Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities – and the people who love them – is unacceptable, and it’s heartbreaking." (Palin herself has allegedly used "the R-word," although she has denied it.) A chastened Emmanuel apologized to any R-words he may have offended for his unflattering comparison to liberals. And now everything's okay again in America. 40
"NOW is looking at the pro-life issue backwards. Women should be reminded that they are strong enough and smart enough to make decisions that allow for career and educational opportunities while still giving their babies a chance at life. In my own home, my daughter Bristol has also been challenged by pro-abortion 'women’s rights' groups who don’t agree with her decision to have her baby, nor do they like the abstinence message which she articulated as her personal commitment. NOW could gain ground and credibility with everyday Americans, thus allowing their pro-women message to be heard by more than just their ardent supporters, if they made wiser decisions regarding which battles to pick."
—Sarah Palin is upset that the National Organization for Women is protesting a pro-life ad CBS will run during the Super Bowl. It is kind of interesting what decisions women should be allowed to make! @9:30 AM 19
"The pro-life movement is pro-women, and it empowers women with the message that we are strong enough and smart enough to be able to pursue education, vocations and avocations while giving life to a child."
—When Sarah Palin puts it that way, it makes me think maybe I've been completely wrong on the whole abortion issue. Oh, wait, no it doesn't, because that's not what it's about at all. @1:45 PM 19
"There is absolutely no one more in tune with the hearts and minds of everyday Americans than Governor Palin, and I'm excited to welcome her back to our beautiful state this spring."
—Comedy writers everywhere are rejoicing at Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann's announcement that Sarah Palin will come campaign for her this April. @11:40 AM 20
"I think my parents are going to also finally be able to say, 'Right on! You’re finally putting that college education to work!'"
—Former Alaska governor/Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin discusses her new job with Fox News. @12:50 PM 13
Honestly, at this point it is just getting cruel. 50
"Obviously, it's not about me, it's not about me, personally. They don't like the message. They don't like the commonsense conservative solution that I think that I represent and you articulate. They don't like to hear it."
—Sarah Palin, making her debut as a Fox News contributor, explains to Bill O'Reilly why her opponents feel so "threatened" by her. Yeah, that's probably it. @10:05 AM 16
Oh joy! The New York Times is reporting that Sarah Palin "will host an occasional series" on Fox News. Details are sketchy, but the show—which I hope they call "Sarah Palin Is Making Sense," because how great would that be—is apparently part of a multi-year deal with the network, since if there's one thing we know about Sarah Palin it's that she is totally great at fulfilling multi-year obligations. 25
"I think the real and most fundamental problem Jews have with Palin is not her gleeful ignorance, but her willful divisiveness. More than any politician in memory, Palin seems to divide her fellow-Americans into first class and second class citizens, real Americans and not-so-real Americans. To do her justice, she has never said anything to suggest that Jews as Jews fall into the second, less-real, class. But Jews do tend to have an intuition that when this sort of line-drawing is done, we are likely to find ourselves on the wrong side."
—David Frum offers a theory on why Jews might not be favorably disposed to Sarah Palin. 45
"President Obama’s meeting with his top national security advisers does nothing to change the fact that his fundamental approach to terrorism is fatally flawed. We are at war with radical Islamic extremists and treating this threat as a law enforcement issue is dangerous for our nation’s security. That’s what happened in the 1990s and we saw the result on September 11, 2001."
—Sarah Palin, ladies and gentleman. I don't even know where to start. @4:10 PM 21
Sarah Palin Knows Exactly What She's Doing @9:05 AM
"I am so sorry if people took this silly incident the wrong way. I adore John McCain, support him 100 percent and will do everything I can to support his reelection. As everyone knows, I was honored and proud to run with him. And Todd and I were with him in D.C. just a week ago. So much for trying to be incognito," said Sarah Palin, after being snapped in Hawaii while wearing a visor with her former running mate's name blacked out across the top. You know, say what you will about Sarah Palin, she has a kind of genius for this sort of thing. I don't know what type of multiple intelligence you'd categorize this under, but let us admit that she does indeed possess it. 33
Two Views: The Lessons Of Hanukkah @9:00 AM
Sarah Palin: "Known as the Festival of Lights, Hanukkah commemorates the eight-day miracle that took place when the Temple in Jerusalem was rededicated. Though there was only enough consecrated oil for one day, the flame miraculously burned for eight – just long enough to prepare more. This beautiful story is rich with life lessons for members of all faiths. With hope and dedication nothing is impossible, and the Almighty never abandons those who seek the light." READ MORE 29
Huh! Imagine that! Who would have thought? 8
Iconic Frock Available Now! @12:30 PM
Ever wanted to wear a genuine Sarah Palin piece? Now's your chance! "It's a privilege to participate in the auction Laura Ingraham is organizing to help our men and women in uniform. Laura asked if I would donate the jacket I wore on the cover of my book, 'Going Rogue.' I can't think of a better cause, and it's especially fitting because the book is dedicated to patriots and in particular to our women and men in uniform." As of this writing, the coat is going for $6600, but if you're a real patriot you know there's no price too high to pay. 20
'Washington Post' Publishes Sarah Palin OpEd @7:23 PM
You know what? I'm not going to link to it. They shouldn't be rewarded with the clicks, which is pretty much what this is about, I figure. So here's the email we just got from the Washington Post, announcing tomorrow's piece of Palinography:
Sarah Palin WashPost Op-Ed: Obama Should Boycott Copenhagen
SARAH PALIN WRITES OP-ED FOR WASHINGTON POST and writes that without trustworthy science and with so much at stake, Americans should be wary about what comes out of the politicized climate change conference. The president should boycott Copenhagen.
Jennifer Lee
Manager, Communications
The Washington Post
"Palin Was Unaware Of The Attempted Tomato Attack" @9:20 AM
Some jerk in Minnesota managed to strengthen Sarah Palin's conviction that there is a lycopersican-based conspiracy against her when he tossed a couple of tomatoes at the former Alaska governor at a mall book-signing. He missed. After the incident, Palin headed to a private GOP fundraiser which was also attended by fellow GOP crazy Rep. Michele Bachmann. No word on what the two discussed, but I'm betting it had something to do with the fact that the President is a Muslim foreigner who hates Christmas. 15
Stupid Conspiracies With Sarah Palin @9:00 AM
"Voters have every right to ask candidates for information if they so choose. I've pointed out that it was seemingly fair game during the 2008 election for many on the left to badger my doctor and lawyer for proof that Trig is in fact my child. Conspiracy-minded reporters and voters had a right to ask… which they have repeatedly. But at no point – not during the campaign, and not during recent interviews – have I asked the president to produce his birth certificate or suggested that he was not born in the United States," says Sarah Palin. Not that she doesn't think it's a "fair question." 10
Noted without comment: "Sarah Palin is a great friend to the bowling industry and we're so proud and honored to welcome her as our keynote speaker at International Bowl Expo 2010." @9:00 AM 13
Bestselling Author Rides Expensive Plane @12:50 PM
Oh no, Sarah Plain claims to be just regular folks but she takes private jets on her BIG FANCY BOOK TOUR! Sorry, this one isn't selling here. Isn't this the same stupid argument that someone like Michael Moore can no longer plausibly speak out for the interests of blue collar workers because he has money now? God, you grumpbusters at ABC just made me VAGUELY DEFEND Sarah Palin. Grrrrrr. 18
"There's been a lack of acknowledgement by our president in understanding what it is that the American military provides in terms of, obviously, the safety, the security of our country. I want him to acknowledge the sacrifices that these individual men and women, our sons, our daughters, our moms, our dads, our brothers and sisters are providing this country to keep us safe."
—Sarah Palin tells Fox News' Greta Von Susteren that President Obama needs to give more respect to the troops. 21
"Daddy feels God was using her to wake America up."
—Franklin Graham conveys his father's approval of Sarah Palin. Palin met Billy Graham and his son yesterday at a North Carolina stop on her book tour. @11:40 AM 9
Reading Sarah Palin Live, with Rudolph Delson: Part Two @7:30 AM
Sunday, November 22, 7:34am: Good morning. Today I will read another two hundred pages of Sarah Palin. (To hear about the first two hundred pages, click here.)
But, may I tell you about my dream? Because I just awoke from this dream. There was a broad blue sky, streaked with clouds. And there was a giant head set against that sky. And the head was speaking to me. I have attached an image of it after the jump.
