Americans hate salad. And with good reason: it sucks. The joyless array of leaves, suitable only for irritatingly self-satisfied fitness freaks and those whom catastrophic illness has left bereft of a discerning palate, inspires existential despair while doing nothing to curb hunger. (Plus, everyone knows salad is full of doody.) But this poses a problem for the produce industry: how to foist its depressing product on a nation of suspicious consumers. They have a plan!

Now this is happening: "If you are looking for a 'salad soulmate,' all you have to do is create a free profile on saladmatch.com and your "best' mate will be selected based on 'which Just Salad location you frequent, when you frequent it, and what ingredients you love in your salad.' Similar to other online dating sites (eHarmony, Match.com, Zoosk.com), SaladMatch.com boasts a 'state-of-the-art matching algorithm" and guarantees your will have lunch or dinner tastes in common.'"

So I've been massively vacillating about whether or not to write about what I found in my Satur Farms salad box this week. (By the way, for those of you who are familiar with this brand, don't you always think it looks like Satur should be Saturn? Doesn't it seem like the 'n' was just left off as some sort of typo?)

Here is what happened: On Sunday, March 27, I bought a box of Satur Farms salad greens at Whole Foods and brought it home, only to find the finger from a rubber glove inside. It was unfortunate; I love Satur Farms products, and wish the company [...]

Skip ahead to the 1:50 mark on this video if you want to learn how to make a Dorito salad, but be warned: You will miss the brief discussion of such SEC-style haircuts as "'Bama bangs" and "the rape mullet." [Via]

Today on Cooking the Books… Emily Gould learns how to make salad with Tao Lin, author of Richard Yates. And… well. Wow. Cooking the Books is directed by Valerie Temple and shot and edited by Andrew Gauthier. You can see all the Cooking the Books episodes here or even subscribe via iTunes. Previously: Jennifer Egan makes macaroons.