You were too flappy to live.
"Artisanal, a word that fought early in his career to ensure recognition of craftsmen for their important contributions to society before later being drafted into the creation of a worldwide gourmet branding glut, died Wednesday at his brownstone in Brooklyn overlooking a small gourmet mayonnaise store."
Flappy Bird (2013-2014) was a game for the iPhone which, in the span of perhaps a month, half a year after it was uploaded, rocketed up the charts of the App Store and became The Game of the Moment before being deleted by its creator for reasons that remain unclear. It was a maddeningly difficult challenge in which you played a small bird, cursed to move forward, forced to tap the screen to stay afloat. You existed in a world of pipes: Pipes grew upward from the ground, emerged downward from the heavens, never to meet. Only by drifting through the narrow space between the pipes could you survive.[...]
"A founding member of rock group Electric Light Orchestra was killed when a giant bale of hay tumbled down a hill and crashed onto his van in the UK." The cellist, Mike Edwards, a two-year veteran of the band, underwent a name change when he came to believe in the teachings of Osho ("There is no God other than life itself," etc.). And now he's dead.