The great menace in headlines in 2011 was that either every headline was "11 Ways to X" or that it was "Y Happens to Z [SLIDESHOW]." You know, whatever our pals at Business Insider and Huffington Post's Celebrity Sideboob's page were doing. Well, guess what, we all got used to it, and now it barely registers as tacky or grabby, except when it's over the top. Sure: promise me 11 things, I will at least read three of them. Fair's fair.

The menace before that was the "How" headline, which is so hard to avoid. "How X Became Y." "How Apple Something Something'd." "How Your Mom Became Your Dad." That [...]

.@joenbc: If you think it's a toss-up, let's bet. If Obama wins, you donate $1,000 to the American Red Cross. If Romney wins, I do. Deal?

— Nate Silver (@fivethirtyeight) November 1, 2012

The Nate Silver Wars are still going—but it's embarrassing to even refer to it as a proper battle, since the weirdo pundits who think he's a LIBERAL MOUTHPIECE are too busy breathing through their own mouths to be understood. If you were busy "being without power" or "helping out your neighbors" or otherwise having a life and/or suffering in the hurricane, perhaps you missed the most hilarious intellectual breakdown of the election yet. [...]

"Politico isn't after a plausible story, it's after the Narrative—the things that lawmakers, lobbyists, and veterans of previous administrations say to reporters in background conversations to explain how history would be different, if only the people in charge were as smart as they are. Barack Obama is a prisoner of his monstrous ego and blind self-confidence, and that is why Blanche Lincoln lost in Arkansas."

"Over by the jambalaya, Alan Greenspan picked up some Mardi Gras beads and placed them around the neck of his wife, NBC's Andrea Mitchell, who bristled and quickly removed them." That's the second most-fascinating moment of this coming Sunday's New York Times mag cover story on Politico's Mike Allen. (The disclosure about how the reporter of the piece intimately knows and has worked with everyone involved is the third-most interesting moment, no doubt.) Well, there are probably criticisms to be made of this piece from all sorts of angles-the Times commenters all seem baffled but in different ways, mostly depending on their political orientation. But I couldn't help but [...]

It takes a certain amount of testicularity to say something like this with a straight face-if indeed their faces were straight-so you've got to admire the top brass at Politico for this one: "We know we're part of the problem – and we'll surely continue to run stories about [Sarah Palin.] But – we're looking at you, top newspaper editors and network executives – listen to your grumbling political reporters when they try to tell you why going overboard on the Hockey Mom beat isn't wise." I mean, they're not gonna, but you totally should.

Politico: Arlen Specter does not wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom.

"The establishment media has become a part of the establishment class. That means it’s against their best interests to do the right thing and expose the corruption that plagues Washington—if they did, they’d be fighting against themselves. At Breitbart News, I plan to investigate these people. Together with Breitbart News, I’m going to expose corruption in Washington." —A blogger is moving from one wingnut website to another, and the establishment media is all over it!

That Buzzfeed's Ben Smith can't use his own name at his new job, due to his "exit agreement" with his last employer, Politico, is hysterical. Get a grip! Also making the rounds: digital media jobs in "journalism" that require a drug test. How crazy are these people? (But yes, if you want to work at Gannett or NBC or what have you, be prepared to be degraded and give up your rights.) Drug-testing is maybe—maybe!—for people who operate forklifts or drive trucks, so they don't kill us all while baked. Even then, though…. Well, drug-testing is a real bad look for organizations that want independent, American-minded employees. Anyway, [...]

• Poll: Sarah Palin woes could hurt Carly Fiorina

• Polls show Christine O'Donnell trailing Chris Coons by double digits

• Poll shows Gilly race at ten point spread

What? Why? Huh? I have no idea about the answer to ANY of these questions. Still, this video is EXACTLY how I imagine a Politico editorial meeting to be-especially the voicework. Anyway, too good not to share. Enjoy!

Fresh from their groundbreaking analysis of how frequently journalists chuckle during Robert Gibbs' press conferences, Politico scores another coup today, analyzing nearly all of the 250,000,000 words President Obama has uttered since taking office. They find that Obama uses the word "terrorism" far less often than his predecessor, and uses the words "health" and "economy" far more often. He's the Basil Fawlty of American politics! DOESN'T HE KNOW THERE ARE TWO WARS GOING ON? Other stunning findings: "The president has said 'basketball' 33 times, but 'hockey' only once." Pretty damn revealing, don't you think?

The fat cats in Washington? Turns out they're members of Congress. Way to win the morning, Politico.

"Much of Politico’s published output seems deliberately engineered to exasperate high-minded liberals who consider journalism an act of public service. In its short half-dozen-year lifespan, the Politico brand has become a byword for a style of political reporting that gleefully defies almost every liberal shibboleth about the civic values of newsgathering: gossipy, blithely unconcerned with policy or the real-world effects of the actions of political actors, fixated on artificial 'narratives,' designed to flatter the powerful." —Consider Politico.

Florida's Republican primary is tomorrow (AKA two weeks ago, since everyone votes in advance or by absentee ballot or from beyond/near the grave), and so the Mainstream Media is yucking it up in the Republican districts! For instance here is Politico's Mike Allen in South Beach today with some likely Republican voters (including a fellow named BurgerBillionz) who are having a 6 a.m. nightcap-dinner while "Morning Joe" prepares to live-broadcast. (Which looks less interesting.) Word of advice: don't actually eat at Jerry's Deli. (Picture by MSNBC's Lauren Skowronski.)

Q: There must be a psychological aspect to what you are going through. How are you handling all this?

A: I believe in what I once read: "Life is a club where they won't stand for squawks, where they deal you only one hand, and you must sit in. So even if the cards are cold and marked by the hand of fate, play up, play up like a gentleman and a sport."

Q: Who wrote that?

A: Nathanael West.

Q: Who's he?

A: He's a blogger from Paramus, N.J.

Longtime Washington City Paper editor Erik Wemple is leaving his job to go off and win the mornings.

Politico has a story today about how the gays want one of their own on the Supreme Court and a follow-up that suggests the gays may have already had one of their own on the Supreme Court. Soon there will be a story about the conservative campaign against Barack Obama's insistence on appointing a gay to the Supreme Court (the campaign will be based solely on the first two Politico posts). In any event, someone at Politico should just talk to Larry Kramer, who will inform them that every justice who ever served on the Supreme Court was gay and any idiot knows exactly what kind of [...]