Posts Tagged: Planes

The Boy In The Well

A 16-year-old boy who stowed away on a flight from San Jose to Maui has been referred to child protective services, which will do what it can to understand why he ran away not just from his family but to an airport, into the belly of an aircraft, across the Pacific ocean, and into the curiously long ledger of boys who climbed into the wheel wells of planes.

The wheel well is not a place for daredevils; nobody rides for fun. It's usually understood by its inhabitants as a means to an end: It's a free flight, a passage over a border, or an escape from troubles. [...]


How To Not Die In A Plane Crash

1. First of all, don’t even think about getting on an airplane! What is wrong with you? What are you, some kind of daredevil??

2. When you must buy plane tickets because someone you love is having some bullshit wedding, think carefully about your seat choice. You might think you want to be near an emergency exit so that you can get on the chute first. But what if the emergency exit door blows off mid-flight? You’d be the first to get sucked out. Don’t say, “I’ll bring a parachute!” You can’t—some people have asked about that, and it’s not allowed. You also don’t want to be too near the [...]


What Happened This Week?

The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree

Every time I am silent or seemingly thinking or chewing or barely breathing and unoccupied what I’m really doing is praying fervently that our country devotes itself to dendrolatry and muck our polished patellae in a worshipper’s kneel unto Trees. And where does the Holiday Axe factor into this religion? I’ve always felt like Woolf’s Septimus, felt that they “beckoned; leaves were alive; trees were alive. And the leaves being connected by millions of fibres with [my] own body….” So this morning as the vile Vargoshe family hauled the cut carcass of a 12-ton Norway spruce like a bloodied buck on the roof of [...]


Your Summer Jaunts Got More Awesome: Meet the Standard's New Plane!

We presume it'll be "mildly expensive" (not like NetJets expensive!) but starting today, the Standard Hotel plane is available for public bookings! It's an eight-seater Cessna water plane, and they're doing a 300-mile range. In case you're aboard and scared of dying, reasonably, the airplane's stall speed is 106 km/h, so keep one eye on your coke and another on the pilot's dials and you'll be fine.


Blue Angels Air Shows, the Only Live Theater Real Americans Love, Shut Down By Sequester

There's nothing like going out to some sun-blasted airfield an hour outside of town to see the famous Blue Angels fly around so close to each other that you never know when they'll crash into the spectators—it's the perfect mix of NASCAR and military worship, and Republicans in Congress have shut down this beloved display of air superiority.

"The Navy believes there is value in demonstrating the professionalism and capabilities of our Navy and Marine Corps Naval Aviation team, thus inspiring future generations of Sailors and Marines," the Blue Angels said in a love letter to Obama press release. "The Navy intends to continue aerial demonstrations in the future [...]