"Surfing is Hawaii's gift to the world, it's like true happiness, and that's what this guy does: Everywhere he goes he makes people smile and laugh. He just brings joy to the world." —Think about the last time someone said that about you. (If you are a woman, change the hes to shes, obviously.) When was it? Probably never, right? Maybe you should take a minute to reassess everything that's happening in your life right now. That stress you feel, the sadness you carry around with you, the gnawing sense of anxiety that never lets you quite settle in anywhere no matter how happy you try to trick yourself [...]
"Half of all pigs live in China – and well over half of them eat feed laced with antibiotic 'growth promoters'. Now Chinese and US researchers have found that this practice is spawning a tide of antibiotic-resistant bacteria."
I'm not gonna lie, I really needed this today. If bears are not your thing, there's bonus footage of a pig and a dog frolicking together below.
"The state Education Department is poised to award a $27 million no-bid contract to a company former city Schools Chancellor Joel Klein oversees." —Good. Grief.
Those expected AOL layoffs? Not 1000! Not 2000! Actually 2500, amounting to 1/3rd of their employees.
"Run by a fast-growing company called BGI, this facility has become the world's largest centre for the cloning of pigs. The technology involved is not particularly novel – but what is new is the application of mass production. The first shed contains 90 animals in two long rows. They look perfectly normal, as one would expect, but each of them is carrying cloned embryos. Many are clones themselves. This place produces an astonishing 500 cloned pigs a year: China is exploiting science on an industrial scale."
Are common houseflies picking up drug-resistant bacteria from the feces of the pigs we shoot full of antibiotics to get them to market faster and then crapping and vomiting out these superbugs onto the surfaces of our supposedly sterile homes? Yeah, probably.
The best thing about these adorable napping piglets is that they can delight the Internet both right now and then again a little later on when they become bacon!
There is very possibly some backstory that we're missing here-or not! We are talking about Gurnee, Illinois, after all-but we'll simply provide you with the facts as stated: "Two Six Flags employees were ejected from the north suburban theme park Monday afternoon after allegedly attacking a female employee dressed as 'Porky Pig.' Taras Sikalchuk, 20, and Dmytro Petrychenko, 19, took a photo with "Porky Pig" about 2:20 p.m. Monday at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, then punched the mascot in the head 10 to 15 times, Gurnee police said. Both men are employees of the park and were visiting on their day off, Gurnee police Sgt. Jon Ward [...]
What animals are truly most like human beings? Humpback whales, who mate for life and communicate with complex, melodic songs? The upright-walking, chronic masturbator bonobo chimps? Bears, who seem to want to inhabit our homes and drive our cars? An article in today's New York Times points to a different answer, and one that shouldn't surprise anyone who's looked in the mirror lately. As Natalie Angier reports, "Last week, an international team of biologists released the first draft sequence of the pig genome." According to team-leader Lawrence Schook of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, "The pig genome compares favorably with the human genome." [...]
"Chinese authorities said they found more than 3,300 dead pigs in a river that supplies water to Shanghai, a stark illustration of China's problems with environmental pollution." On the other hand, the opportunities to make jokes are off the charts.
"Forget the three little pigs hiding from the big bad wolf. These six little pigs have found a new friend in a maternal French bulldog named Baby. The Lehnitz animal sanctuary outside Berlin said Baby took straight to the wild boar piglets when they were brought in Saturday, three days old and shivering from cold. Sanctuary worker Norbert Damm said Wednesday that, as soon as the furry striped piglets were brought in, Baby ran over and started snuggling them and keeping them warm, even though they're almost her size." Why yes, there ARE photos.
Here is the heartwarming tale of a lucky pig who escaped from his pen to impregnate fifteen ladypigs in the span of eight days. And what of Boris' 130 offspring? "By the time these youngsters are six months older they will be producing a lot of bacon cuts, that's for sure."
"The world's first xenotransplantation treatment—where animal cells are transplanted into humans—has been approved for sale in Russia. The treatment, developed by Living Cell Technologies in New Zealand, is for type 1 diabetes. It consists of insulin-producing pig cells coated in seaweed." —As if we weren't eating ourselves into what's pretty obviously our destined future state already, we've now begun injecting ourselves with the actual living cells of pigs. We are literally turning ourselves into pigs! (Pigs coated with seaweed! Double yuck!) Space, here we come.
Now this is more like it. Plenty of puns, no self-awareness. Anyway, say hello to Oscar, the world's oldest pig. Oscar is apparently very self-assured-he's a former model-and is also quite the ladies' pig, which, if I'm reading today's Internet right, means that he must have a gigantic pig penis. Anyway, congratulations to Oscar. May our celebration of his specialness help us all to heal. Where there is discord, may he bring harmony. Where there is error, may he bring truth. Where there is doubt, may he bring faith. And where there is despair, may he bring hope. He is some pig!