"Late Tuesday night, a man broke into a Wenatchee, Washington home, in search of another man he intended to murder. When the residents came home, they found him standing by their open refrigerator, feeding their pet dog pudding. They informed him that this was not the home of the man’s victim and he should leave before they call the police. He did, but not before calling the dog, who trotted out after him. The man was arrested later that night at his home in Wenatchee. The dog has not been found since."

Crazy story, you may be thinking. And: crazy dude! However. The suspect—one Jason McDaniel—is not as crazy [...]

The rotary dial was a building block of civilization, the key that unlocked the phone system for millions of people. It was an integral part of your parents' lives. Imagine your father stuffing his dirty fingers into the waiting greasy dialpits, over and over and over again, over and over and over and over again, ringing your mother's bell until finally she shudders and reaches—for the phone and says: “Hello? This is [YOUR MOTHER'S NAME].” “Hey,” says your father, “this is [YOUR FATHER'S NAME].” “Well, how do you like that?” asks your mother even though she likes it very much. He asks her out to dinner. “Let me [...]

Since we gathered a truly huge pile of data from our online dating survey, we've published advice about how to improve online dating for everyone, for folks who date men and folks who date women. Now, in our final installment of this very special dating survey roundup, we bring you: The Most Horrific Things Encountered While Online Dating. A word of warning here? Most of these are really funny. And then, in a small section towards the end, some of them are absolutely not funny. We're including some extremely frank stuff, including about sexual assault. If you're not up for reading about that today, you should take a [...]

This post is sponsored by eHarmony. Date smarter. Start now, free! Alright! 2,208 people actually completed our survey last week about online dating. So, for starters this week, we're looking at responses about online dating by people who date men. It's a combination of helpful tips, deep experiences and some frank examples of what dudes might think about not doing. We want to help you, guys—but you have to allow us. So open your minds, and your heart will follow. Or something like that. Let us take you through it all, from profile picture, to email exchanges, to meeting and greeting. Take our hand, we'll get there together! [...]

“Humans like GIFs. Humans like super famous 13-year-olds who don’t look or act 13. Humans like to see other humans making asses of themselves and wear very expensive dresses. HUMANS LIKE SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS." —Mary H.K. Choi offers a pretty good assessment of what people are on about.

Last night Philip Glass told this story about how John Cage once emptied the house during a performance. Cage had gotten it into his head to do a spoken performance where he made a cut-up poem out of syllables or something? Man, it sounds like the worst thing ever, just being trapped in a room with John Cage endlessly making vowel noises at you, and so he achieved a 100% audience walkout. Glass' point was that there has to be a place to try and make things and achieve failure along the way (typical Buddhist!) and he was telling this story because this was at the 40th anniversary dinner for [...]

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She made herself ill eating cat shit then "pressure washed" the inside of my truck with spray poo. The "turducken" of shit! #ZERORESALEVALUESun Feb 27 03:37:29 via Twitter for iPhoneNeko CaseNekoCase

To wrap up our bizarre choice to highlight a person on Twitter each day this month, let us end with the x-number of people you really should follow on Twitter for a well-rounded life. For starters, Neko Case! The ongoing stories of Liza the dog are worth it alone.

• He saved the world from destruction with his rocket science. He and Wernher von Braun saved the world and all its vegetables.
• Smoking will make you impotent.
• He knows "Goodnight Irene" in German.
• He was raised by nuns because he was an orphan, but he was kicked out when he made a pass at a nun novice. "Early pooberty." He was 9. She was 13.
• Crazy hats get you a good job.
• Irene's skin has a pink glow so she'll have at least 3 children.
• He dated a [...]

Facebook still figuring out their business model.Hope they nail it by Friday.

— Andrew Keen (@ajkeen) May 16, 2012

"Andrew Keen is a smooth-talking hired gun who blankets the country warning conference rooms full of middle managers about the straw-men dangers that await them if they share with one another too freely."

"All my adult life, I’ve been pretty sure I’m a sentient, even semi-competent human being. I have a job and an apartment; I know how to read and vote; I make regular, mostly autonomous decisions about what to eat for lunch and which cat videos I will watch whilst eating my lunch. But in the past couple of months, certain powerful figures in media and politics have cracked open that certitude. You see, like most women, I was born with the chromosome abnormality known as 'XX,' a deviation of the normative 'XY' pattern."

Well, it is fun to run the numbers on exactly what "sort" of person runs a wedding announcement in Vows (technically now called "Weddings/Celebrations," which is so dull). The numbers are useful and also, sure, about what you'd expect. Harvard. Credit Suisse. Gay. That sort of thing. But two things: our trusty researcher friends here are comparing education and job credentials to the "average American," which, oh no. Vows is a section that is for New Yorkers, not average Americans. And New York is a funny place. (Full of gays who went to Harvard.) But then also they're dismissing self-selection in a totally untoward way, writing: "There's also [...]

It happens all the time in New York City. You're churning away in your new cubicle, and then, with one fervent IM from a buddy, you discover that you work with a child of the rich, famous or rich and famous. It could be almost anyone! For instance, if you toil at the AOLington HuffPost, perhaps you are sitting near some dude named Theo, who is the son of Steven Spielberg. This exchange, which did not happen, is definitely how you should handle that situation best.

SavingPrivateIMs: yo man

Theo88: Hi. Who is this?

SavingPrivateIMs: its Eddie. from the other side of the office. whats up man? how you [...]

You don't need to know who any of these people are to read this story, told over night, entirely in Tweets.

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Can someone please find @BrianVan and tell him Nick is locked outside the house and needs help. Brian was last seen at Stubbs…Wed Mar 16 05:47:02 via webNick Douglasnick

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It's Nick's meddling girlfriend again: Brian is in Austin jail, for real. Gave me his twitter password on his one phonecall. Go help him!The good china really isn't all that good but it probably hasn't had my junk on it recently, so, you know, l'chaim.Wed Feb 16 02:09:34 via webJoshua Allenfireland

The chances are decent that you may already follow Fireland on Twitter, the latest incarnation in Josh Allen's longtime Internet Entertainment Complex. But do you follow Kevin Fanning? His strong suit is nerd jokes about the Internet.

Democrats came to Charlotte for the DNC with about a trillionth of the excitement they had for Denver in 2008. Back then, a national cult had enveloped Barack Obama. Instead of a messiah, President Obama has proven to be a very effective commander in chief, but one who couldn't succeed on the most pressing issue for Americans: jobs. Not forcing a jobs program into existence—despite his going to town on Congress exactly a year ago—will probably be looked at as his biggest first-term failure. It would be what costs him the election, should such a thing happen.

But I really came to Charlotte to seek out what was left [...]

"According to a study by Symantec, 96 percent of people who picked up the lost phones tried to access personal or business data on the device. In 45 percent of cases, people tried to access the corporate email client on the device."

Many moons ago, a few thousand of you filled out a survey about dating online. A few moons after that, we compiled all the best tips and tricks shared by folks who date men. And now here we are with advice for women, kindly suggested by the men and women who date them. Some of this advice is the same advice that people wanted to give to the men! But some of it is different. Then next week we'll share your many, many horrifying (although sometimes okay) Online Dating Stories and we'll all have a good cry, laugh or "awww" together. For now, though, here's what our respondents [...]

Last night, Occupy Los Angeles was to be evicted. As the LA Times put it: "When the LAPD announced that it wanted the campers out by midnight Sunday, officials hoped many protesters would leave voluntarily. Instead, the deadline prompted hundreds of people to converge on the area." Although the police arrested a few people for blocking the streets early this morning, they did not in the end evict the encampment at City Hall Park.

36. Sullivan

35. McMahon

34. Izzard

33. Murphy

32. Asner

31. Begley

30. Begley, Jr.

Tell me about your job. I was a magazine editor for years and one of my beats at one point for InStyle was food. Every month we would do a story about a party you could host at home from a chef with celebrity clientele. I did a lot of that kind of thing at that job and plus I always loved to cook. It happened that my friend Lauren Bentley who was also in the magazine world and I were both thinking about maybe doing some kind of baking enterprise. She had a little cupcake and custom cake business and I thought maybe we could do something [...]