Posts Tagged: Pennsylvania

Senior Government Official Identifies Place That Sucks Worse Than Pennsylvania

"If Pennsylvanians were inclined to feel a little like a sixth borough when contemplating New York City, Mr. Biden offered reassurance that all they need to do to experience a real inferiority complex was move to Delaware."


The Wine Vending Machine

Pennsylvania, home to some of the most bizarre liquor laws in the country, is now offering its residents the opportunity to purchase wine from grocery store vending machines. "Customers provide identification, look into a camera so an actual, real live person in a call center can confirm that they match their ID, and blow into a breathalyzer to prove they are not already drunk." Okay!


Inconsistent Pleadings: Town of Sexting Teens Not Also Hotbed of Kiddie Porn

In 2008, George Skumanick, then-District Attorney for Wyoming County, Pennsylvania, noticed an alarming problem, one that called for the immediate intervention of the local law enforcement apparatus: "rampant sexting." This grave threat to rural Pennsylvania's social order was brought to his attention by various Tunkhannock School District officials, who, after confiscating the phones of males and females in the Justin Bieber age cohort, discovered pictures of ladies in various stages of undress. Most of those stages involved bathing suits or bras, but apparently, if you looked at some of the pictures carefully (and the Tunkhannock school district officials definitely did), there was nipplage to be seen. For reasons that [...]


First They Fired The Nurses And Librarians, Then They Fired The Guidance Counselors

Photo of kids in Southwest Philadelphia in the last days of this summer before school, by Paul Sableman.

Last week, as the 2013 school year officially began, Philadelphia's schools faced a $304 million budget shortfall. Also: the teachers’ union contract has expired, 24 schools closed over the summer, and—to boot!—more than 2,100 school employees were laid off. And then it was time for approximately 134,000 students to go back to school.

Students at 115 of the district’s 212 public schools will not have access to a full-time guidance counselor this year. Many won’t have a full-time nurse. Some will have workbooks only if their teachers are [...]


Entertaining Away Crime: Does It Work?

"We've got a casino, a prison and now a stadium… But we don't have a recreation center or even a McDonald's in this city." — Chester, Pa., resident Tajh Eshaad, on real estate trends in his hometown, which recently experienced four murders in an eight-day span — including one in which two-year-old was killed by gunfire — and was placed under a 9 p.m. curfew as part of a citywide state of emergency. The aforementioned stadium, which will serve as the home of Major League Soccer's Philadelphia Union, opened yesterday; the game, during which the Union beat the Seattle Sounders 3-1, kicked off at 5 p.m.


Stray Monkey Briefly Alleviates Crushing Boredom Of Life In Pennsylvania

It is against the law to keep monkeys as pets in Pennsylvania. Now you know!


Some People In Some States Voted Yesterday

There was politics last night! In Pennsylvania, party-switching career politician Arlen Specter saw his career end in a Democratic primary loss to Rep. Joe Sestak, marking the first time Pennsylvania Democrats were able to beat Specter statewide. In Kentucky, Rand "Son of Ron" Paul beat the establishment candidate in the Republican Senate primary, proving that the Tea Party movement "is huge," and not too crazy for Kentucky Republicans. In Arkansas, incumbent Democratic Sen. Blanche Lincoln was forced into a run-off with Lt. Gov. Bill Halter in what an Arkansas paper adorably thinks is "one of the most closely watched Senate races in the nation."