Posts Tagged: Oscars

"Burn Hollywood Burn" v. "12 Years A Slave"

Nestled midway on "Fear of a Black Planet," Public Enemy's 1990 platinum album—and one of the greatest musical releases of all time—comes "Burn Hollywood Burn." (Halfway between "911 Is A Joke" and "Fight the Power"! I mean!)

The track is notable not just for rhyming "burn" TERM and "perm" (important correction!) but for the collaboration with Ice Cube and Big Daddy Kane—the only guest stars on the album. "Butlers and maids," slaves and hoes" is how Kane describes available Hollywood roles for black people.

Here we are in the future, 24 years later! How did the fellas take last night's best picture win for 12 Years A Slave, in [...]


Iran Will Counter Evil American Best Picture By Making Its Own "Argo"

"Iran is planning to retaliate against Argo with its own big-budget movie, titled Joint Command, about the 1979-80 events and the secret operation that led to the escape of six U.S. diplomatic personnel." —Iran's government-run press agencies are very upset about that Argo movie winning the American Oscar, especially because that one American lady presented the award. It's like Tehran doesn't even know the Obamas are Muslims!


Oscars: How To Watch Them

Here's the only guide to watching the Oscars that you'll need. If, you know, you plan to watch.


Please Can We Have Janet McTeer Be a Famous Person in America?

"It says much for McTeer that the obvious question—'What are the chances of two cross-dressers meeting trouser to trouser in late-nineteenth-century Dublin?'—hardly enters our minds. Stately and swaggering, taller than most of the men, and sporting the dark forelock of the natural rake, McTeer, who has been Oscar-nominated for best supporting actress, carries conviction as easily as she wears her breeches and corduroy jacket, transforming Hubert’s rangy physical confidence into a larger embrace of life’s amusements and kicks. She is no perhapser but a thoroughgoing yes-woman, like Molly Bloom." —Anthony Lane is totally on board with my campaign: Janet McTeer must win Best Supporting Actress this year (for [...]


The Great and Terrible News About the Oscar Nominations

While everyone is "upset" about Christopher Nolan not being nominated for best director for Inception, there's way more fascinating news in today's Oscars nominations announcement.

The good news:

Waiting for Superman? Straight-up SNUBBED in the best documentary race. Hooray! The propaganda vehicle for the privatization of education can now slink off to die.

Exit Through the Gift Shop, which is in some ways at least a documentary, though who knows which ways, nominated for best documentary, which, yay.

• Jacki Weaver, who is maybe possibly the last remaining delightfully aging camp diva of our time, nominated for best supporting actress to duke it [...]


The Oscars are Next Week and Nope, I Still Haven’t Seen 'Avatar'

No, I'm not some joyless prude. I was once like you, even. Remember when we were sitting around your apartment and decided to watch the trailer online? How we laughed! Someone had tried to adapt early 90s Trapper Keepers® for the screen! And they'd spent a small nation's GDP to make it happen! If, some months from that point, James Cameron Trips Over A Fanboy Wishlist Into The Uncanny Valley wasn't going to be the flop of our young century, jeez, it really should've been.

Then we went about our admittedly terrestrial lives.


The End of the 00s: Ten Years of Best Picture Suck, by Zachary Woolfe

There was no tragedy this past decade greater than the utter implosion of quality among the winners of the Academy Award for Best Picture.

Some might point to the 90s as the time our troubles began, and I admit that Dances with Wolves and Forrest Gump were bad omens. (The 90s did end with the intolerable American Beauty!) But you also had Silence of the Lambs! Shakespeare in Love! And, OK, Schindler's List, in all its retardedly black-and-white-and-oh-my-God-her-dress-is-red glory! There were glimmers of light, is what I'm saying; yes, 2007, sure;and that light of hope is shows what was missing in the awful aughts. Let me show you.


How Do You Feel About Melissa Leo?

Something about Melissa Leo rubs me the wrong way, and unlike those times you pretend you don't know why or can't quite put your finger on it or whatever I will say exactly what the something is that is responsible for the wrong-rubbing: her "self-commissioned For Your Consideration ad campaign [for the 2011 Best Supporting Actress Oscar]." Remember that, when she paid for her own ads asking people to vote for her for an Oscar? This profile of Leo by Doree Shafrir posits that my discomfort was in part inspired by the fact that "Leo had so brazenly deviated from [...]


Here's Our Academy Award Coverage For The Day

I didn't see a lot of movies this year; did I miss anything good? Oh, no reason.


Wait, Did People Really Think 'The Artist' Was a Good Movie?

So… basically The Artist is about this chick who meets a much older guy like three times for all of 30 seconds each and then she devotes her life to stalking/saving him, despite him being a married, entitled, pitiful, self-serving alcoholic, and despite her being a smart, savvy, talented, sexy professional, and then also the only black people in the film are literally carrying spears and wearing loincloths? And really hot French guys are actually made kind of ugly when they have gross tiny mustaches?

Right, that's what I thought, just checking.


The Oscar Buzz Grave

What do Dancing at Lughnasa, Pearl Harbor and It's Complicated have in common? The answer may etc. you!


Horror Chick: Why the Heavens Should Crumble If ‘Inglourious Basterds’ Wins (Short Answer: Eli Roth)

I can't stand Eli Roth. Everyone on the Internet has a strong opinion about him one way or the other, and the only difference between the two sides is that one is utterly fucking wrong. There are legions of horror fans who like him. There are oozy corners of the Web where he is worshiped and glorified. There are even fan clubs teeming with girls who think he's the zenith of swoony hotness or whateverthehell fangirls think. They are all tragically mistaken. Don't take it personally, fangirls-your mental slowness is part of the human condition. We're all morons about something. I think Jeff Dunham's kinda funny.


The Oscar Announcements: It Is Here! With SHOCKERS

Okay, so this is super-serious. What we expected to have happen for the ten Best Picture nominees is not at all what happened in real life. Instead of the inclusion of commercially popular films like The Hangover and even possibly Star Trek, we ended up with a shocking inclusion of A Serious Man-which deserves it, sorry haters!-and… The Blind Side. One thing: there's not a single comedy in there. (Unless you count the Coen brothers, which, too dark to even be comedy.)

That there are two performances nominated from Invictus-Morgan Freeman as best actor and Matt Damon as best supporting-is a horror show.

More shockingly? This is the [...]


Manohla! Alphabet City Represent!

"Let's acknowledge that the Oscars are bullshit and we hate them…. Crash as best picture? What the fuck." -The wonderful New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis.


Can You Construct A Functional Joke About A 9-Year-Old At The Oscars?

I'm glad @theonion apologized for calling Quvenzhané Wallis curt. She's nine years old, who cares if her answers are short.

— Jesse Berney (@jesseberney) February 25, 2013

So The Onion apologized today for one of their many, many Oscars jokes last night. Which one? The one that was nooooottttt good or okay. Nooo, the other one.

Quentin Tarantino has been heavily criticized for his frequent use of the word "nigger" during tonight's red carpet interviews #Oscars2013

— The Onion (@TheOnion) February 25, 2013

Yeah, not that one. (That one is actually maybe good satire, about when and how some things are okay.) Buoyed [...]


Okay, Fine, Talk About The Oscars

Did you watch the Oscars last night? You did? Sweet mother of Christ, why? Tell us in the comments!

Photo by, via Flickr.


Your Ultimate Oscar Ballot Cheat Sheet for Nominated Shorts

Each year on your pre-party Oscar ballot, you likely take a wild stab at some of the more minor categories. But this is where experienced home Academy Awards predictors clean up. If you want to win that pool, you gotta bone up. And I can help you.

If you haven't watched all the short films… you're not alone! And it would not be a waste of your time to go watch them all. But I've seen all the nominees for Animated Short and for Live Action, and I've got a pretty good idea about what's going to score. Obviously, TONS of spoilers ahead.


Why Did Lady Wear Unexpected Dress?

What sinister cabal is behind the massive conspiracy to keep the world from knowing why Natalie Portman wore "Rodante" [sic] rather than Dior at last night's Oscars? I'm guessing it had something to do with the Jews. I mean, it usually does.


Even Actors Find Out that the New Currency is Attention

I am making less money upfront than ever and so is America's Sweetheart™ and potential This Weekend's Oscar© Winner Sandy Bullock, who only got $5 million up front for her dye job in The Barf Slide. Now more than ever, actors are working on an attention-based bonus system, in which the success of a film is what brings the big pay, and the huge names take "less" up front. (Setting aside the hilarious pay scale itself, in some ways this is not a great idea, as actors have the least to do with the finished product being watchable or miserable? And yet still.) In the future, though, I think [...]


Oscar Season: Those Whiny Snobs/Tin-Eared Populists Will/Will Not Salute 'Avatar'

The D Beast: "Another lock for an Oscar nomination…. the Academy has always had a tin ear when it comes to what a good script is. It's Crash and Star Wars rolled into one. How could it not be nominated?"

NY Mag: "We still don't see the King of the World reigning on another Oscar night…. While it may be true that only whiny snobs are still complaining about Avatar's extravisual shortcomings, it's worth noting that the Academy's current membership is comprised primarily of whiny snobs."