Posts Tagged: Oil
13

Obama Hires Hiking Store Lady (Oil Executive/Corporate Banker) As Interior Secretary

President Obama has been in a little bit of trouble lately for not having enough women and minorities in his cabinet. It's too bad he doesn't just point to himself and say, "Did you notice I'm a minority? Presidents used to own people who looked like me, until very recently, in geologic time." But instead, Obama is diligently trying to find women and minorities in their various habitats, such as corporate boardrooms.

Sally Jewell, a former oil company official and corporate banker, seems like the perfect candidate to protect our public lands from the greed and destruction of oil companies and Wall Street. But her business experience is not [...]

11

But Alaska Is Rife with Liquid Black Bounty!

The same kind of scientists "frauds" who talk about "climate change" are also claiming that we are "running out of oil." Sarah Palin is going to be pissed. Just insert scare quotes throughout: The scientist and researchers from Oxford University claimed official figures are inflated because Opec member countries over-reported reserves in the 1980s when competing for global market share. The new research, released today, said estimates of conventional reserves should be downgraded from 1.15 trillion barrels to 1.35 trillion barrels to between 850 billion and 900 billion barrels, adding that demand may outstrip supply as early as 2014." And what's more? Shia LaBeouf agrees that now is [...]

9

Oil Spill Math: How Much Oil Is There?

The Gulf Oil Spill: it's only 1/7th of the Superdome! But it's more than 15 Washington Monuments! It's only 9,200 average-size living rooms! By my new favorite metric, that I just did the math on, the amount of oil spilled would fill the gas tanks of 5,985,781 2010 Mercedes Benz E350 sedans! How should we feel about these numbers? "If 15 ½ Washington Monuments only fill the Superdome one-seventh of the way, then you could actually fit 93 more Washington Monuments in there. But shouldn't you clean up the oil first?"

8

Drill the Wolves, Baby!

Up in Alaska, a federal judge has ruled that wolves may not be shot from helicopters on federal nature preserve lands-not even to save the disappearing caribou, the caribou the wolves are chomping down on left and right. Whose side are you on? That of the sad, munched-upon and now-disappearing caribou? Or those who like to shoot wolves from helicopters? The people who make wolf jerky at home? I propose we kill them all-the animals, not the people, silly-so that we can get at the tasty oil they are just trotting around on. At least if all the caribou die, they won't get in our oil.