• He saved the world from destruction with his rocket science. He and Wernher von Braun saved the world and all its vegetables.
• Smoking will make you impotent.
• He knows "Goodnight Irene" in German.
• He was raised by nuns because he was an orphan, but he was kicked out when he made a pass at a nun novice. "Early pooberty." He was 9. She was 13.
• Crazy hats get you a good job.
• Irene's skin has a pink glow so she'll have at least 3 children.
• He dated a [...]

"An Ohio state Senate panel voted on Wednesday to strip public sector unions of some collective bargaining rights and end their right to strike." —This bill goes before the Republican-controlled Ohio Senate this week; it should pass. It's nasty, too! "The Ohio proposal also eliminates binding arbitration of contract disputes by a neutral third party."

"Ohio says it's switching its lethal injection drug to an anesthetic commonly used to euthanize pets as a shortage of the drug normally used for executions has worsened. The Department of Rehabilitation and Correction says the state will use a single, powerful dose of pentobarbital. It's a common anesthetic used in surgeries and by veterinarians."

Ohio Governor Ted Strickland has halted executions by the state until it can figure out a way to make capital punishment less hurty.

"Sheriff’s officers toting assault rifles are out seeking and killing exotic wild animals that escaped from wild animal game preserve in Zanesville, Ohio. By Wednesday morning officers in the rural, eastern Ohio area had already killed dozens of animals that escaped from a wild-animal preserve – the Muskingum County Animal Farm – and where the owner's body later was found. Employees from the Columbus Zoo also went to the farm hoping to tranquilize and capture the animals…. The county Sheriff Matt Lutz described them as 'wild animals that you would see on TV in Africa.' They include lions, tigers, cheetahs, wolves, giraffes, camels and bears."

This witness will clearly be the smartest thing in the room: "A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be medically detected." [Via]

Now households spend (in the suburbs) 1/4 of their income on transportation or (in the cities) more than 1/10th. This is, in many ways, where everything went wrong, writes Christopher Leinberger in The Atlantic: "In the early 20th century, every town of more than 5,000 people was served by streetcars, even though real household income was one-third what it is today. A hundred years ago, the average household spent only 5 percent of its income on transportation. How did the country afford that extensive rail system? Real-estate developers, sometimes aided by electric utilities, not only built the systems but paid rent to the cities for the rights-of-way."

It's a sacred right of the states, guaranteed by the Constitution, that at its whim it can put you down like a cat that scratches someone's baby too many times. But some states can't even handle that God-given responsibility! Like Ohio, which tried for two hours to find a vein in Romell Broom and then finally gave up. This unfortunate event points out a major flaw in the death penalty: why are we trying to kill people by giving them drugs? Really we should drag them out in the town square and have cloaked virgins flay them with their fingernails and pull them limb from limb. Or maybe [...]

"Just two months after being sworn into office, Ohio Gov. John Kasich will lay out his plan for Ohio’s budget reduction on Tuesday at noon…. Ohio Representative Matt Lundy told NewsChannel5 that he learned of plans to sell the Grafton Correctional Institution and the North Coast Correctional Treatment Facility as a package to a private prison operator are part of Tuesday’s budget announcement. Right now, the North Coast Correctional Treatment Facility is privately operated, while Grafton Correctional is operated by the state." You could make this stuff up but you wouldn't be creative enough. The Ohio budget gap is $8 billion.

To Ohio, where a man summoned the constabulary on a complaint that "his live-in-girlfriend hit him with a ham sandwich inside their home in the 2600 block of Royalton Road around 7:10 p.m." Unfortunately, "the man was unable to provide deputies with a full description of the sandwich, such as whether it was toasted or untoasted." Also: "Deputies located a slice of bread on the floor, but suspect the family dog ate the ham, according to the report." [Via] (Previously in Ohio sandwich-related assaults.)

There was a teacher in my high school, Mr. Johnson. I had him for Current Events class my senior year. He would sporadically stop class and call out "Pop quiz: Who's Catholic?" Then, he'd point to each raised hand and say, "Plus five, plus five, plus five…" He was joking about giving out this Catholic extra credit. Sorta kinda. But he'd give the football players exemptions from homework assignments if they played a good game-for real, and let everybody know about it. He had a mustache and wore polo shirts tucked in too tight. He was one of the "cool" teachers in the school and very popular with the [...]