I know it's Springtime and it's supposed to be renewal and flowers and budding trees and things like that, but I'm tired of stuff right now, you know? Among certain other things that happened this week, there is also like this thing with the goofball in Korea who is gonna launch a nuclear missile on his grandfather's birthday or something? It's depressing!
We (as in U.S.) might set fire to the sky over this guy's country because he says he has a nuke missile and he wants to use it, you know? Doesn't this guy know how dangerous We The People are? Look what we did to a country [...]
"We encountered locals at the mass games, film studios, world's deepest underground metro, art schools, and delicious restaurants. This is not a society voluntarily marching in lockstep. Like Iranians and Cubans, they are told one story but increasingly encounter the other viewpoints through media and tourism. Our appreciation of their beautiful cultural offerings reminds them that they are a rich civilization temporarily trapped in an anachronistic state." —"Parag Khanna is a senior fellow at the New America Foundation" and a bizarre shill for the North Korean regime, though I guess they didn't take him to the gulags or execution-planning meetings? (via)
Bill Clinton and the two journalists he rescued from North Korea have returned safely to the United States (adorable photo here). "I am very happy that after this long ordeal, Laura Ling and Euna Lee are now home and reunited with their loved ones," said the former President in a three-line statement that shows how much the world has changed since he held office; ten years ago it would have been a small novel.
SUSPICIOUS PERSON: Hi, I represent a secretive foreign dictatorship with a history of concealment and malfeasance and a desperate need for hard currency to help prop up the regime. I'd like to buy an insurance policy from you, although even the most gullible person would probably be able to predict that we'll manufacture any number of fraudulent claims to obtain gigantic payouts.
INSURANCE INDUSTRY: Sure, sign here!
Giant lizard attacks! North Korea nuclear tests (and subsequent proliferation)! Continuing turmoil in housing markets and a new "normal" of higher unemployment! Ben Stiller beating Christian Bale at the box office! I hope everyone enjoyed their long weekends, because it looks like TOTAL DISASTER from here on out!