You COULD SAY this Prison Island macropod was "distressed and far outside his normal environment" and probably needed "veterinary observation" to make sure it wasn't "suffering from some sort of" marsupial "illness." In fact, DO say it. Let everybody else make the "hopped up on" jokes. You're better than that.
If a man elk lets loose an "I'm having sex with these lady elk" noise in a national park during a government shutdown does it still make a sound? It's a trick question, so think before you answer.
"'This morning as Simon McCoy was preparing to introduce this story, instead of picking up his tablet to hold as he went to air, he mistakenly picked up a ream of paper that was sitting next to it,' said a spokeswoman for BBC News. 'In the rush of live news, he didn’t have an opportunity to swap the items, so simply went with it.' Mr McCoy has previously been seen on screen briefly resting his head on his desk when the [...]
Here's a reminder from the people at NBC that news was just as vapid and useless three decades ago as it is now, so don't feel too bad, I guess.
April, according to NBC, is "a painful and unforgettably violent month in this country's history." Other painful and unforgettably violent months in this country's history include January, February and March, in addition to May, June and July. Sadly, we would be remiss if we did not mention August, September, October and November in this grouping as well. Also: December.
Another day, another newspaper bankruptcy. This time it was the Journal Register national chain, home to eighteen small dailies including the New Haven Register, and now operating under the seemingly sexier-sounding name of Digital First Media. That rechristening had been trumpeted as more than mere window-dressing—Digital First Media’s senior executives publicly embraced the Internet as the future of journalism, boasting of not only their "digital DNA," but also their determination to “stop listening to newspaper people” and their stuck-in-the-past, ink-stained thinking. Don’t panic over vanishing print ad revenue, Digital First chief executive John Paton insisted last September: If you stack them high enough, “Digital dimes can replace Print [...]