I am not going to pretend that many of you have either the time or the inclination to watch a five-and-a-half minute news story about the forces arrayed for and against a badger cull in Britain, but for those of you who do you are in for a fascinating five-plus minutes. There is something about the variety of human passion on display here that will make you look at our species with a mixture of pity and admiration. For the rest of you, here is a story about an alligator who kept triggering the automatic doors outside an Orlando Wal-Mart. Watch what you want, I won't judge.
Ineffable Sadness Of Life In These United States Finds Expression In Form Of Local Texas News Story About Proper Attire For McDonald's Diners
Somehow it is not even Friday yet.
I guess the positive way to look at this is that the aliens are probably like, "You know what? Let's just skip that one and take over some other planet."
"Some kids no longer dream about getting a new car. Instead, they dream about getting the latest smartphone." Kids! Who understands them?
FALSE REPORT>>> RT@thematthewkeys: Just in: Suspect 2 on the ground at gunpoint.
— Mike Hayes (@michaelhayes) April 19, 2013
…perhaps if I was in a real newsroom with access to my work email, instead of shut out a month ago, I wouldn't be working out of a bedroom
— Matthew Keys (@TheMatthewKeys) April 19, 2013
"The important thing, I think, is to—as soon as you know something that you sent out is incorrect, you correct the record. And it's OK, I think, to make mistakes in these circumstances. You—everyone will make mistakes, and it's kind of almost impossible to avoid them." —Slate's social [...]
"For the full year of 2012, digital advertising revenues increased 0.2 percent to $214.8 million from $214.5 million in 2011. Excluding the additional week [in 2012], estimated digital advertising revenues decreased 1.7 percent in the fourth quarter and 1.9 percent for the full year of 2012." —The New York Times Company released its 2012 results this morning, if you like that kind of thing. Lots of fun stuff, like the $4.5 million cost for a "retirement and consulting agreement" for departed CEO Janet Robinson. How do you like your buyouts now, staffers?
"Things get sillier when the network brass begins getting upset: Apparently humiliating Tea Party freaks in live debate is … horrible for ratings, for some reason? And this makes network owner Jane Fonda threaten to fire McAvoy. 'He humiliated congressional candidates on my network,' she says at Sam Waterston, as if that were a thing someone who owned a cable news network would be mad about. Oh no, people might turn off this news channel that has politicians being humiliated, routinely, by the world’s smartest asshole!" —Awl pal Alex Pareene considers Aaron Sorkin's "The Newsroom."
You COULD SAY this Prison Island macropod was "distressed and far outside his normal environment" and probably needed "veterinary observation" to make sure it wasn't "suffering from some sort of" marsupial "illness." In fact, DO say it. Let everybody else make the "hopped up on" jokes. You're better than that.
If a man elk lets loose an "I'm having sex with these lady elk" noise in a national park during a government shutdown does it still make a sound? It's a trick question, so think before you answer.
"'This morning as Simon McCoy was preparing to introduce this story, instead of picking up his tablet to hold as he went to air, he mistakenly picked up a ream of paper that was sitting next to it,' said a spokeswoman for BBC News. 'In the rush of live news, he didn’t have an opportunity to swap the items, so simply went with it.' Mr McCoy has previously been seen on screen briefly resting his head on his desk when the [...]
Here's a reminder from the people at NBC that news was just as vapid and useless three decades ago as it is now, so don't feel too bad, I guess.
April, according to NBC, is "a painful and unforgettably violent month in this country's history." Other painful and unforgettably violent months in this country's history include January, February and March, in addition to May, June and July. Sadly, we would be remiss if we did not mention August, September, October and November in this grouping as well. Also: December.
Another day, another newspaper bankruptcy. This time it was the Journal Register national chain, home to eighteen small dailies including the New Haven Register, and now operating under the seemingly sexier-sounding name of Digital First Media. That rechristening had been trumpeted as more than mere window-dressing—Digital First Media’s senior executives publicly embraced the Internet as the future of journalism, boasting of not only their "digital DNA," but also their determination to “stop listening to newspaper people” and their stuck-in-the-past, ink-stained thinking. Don’t panic over vanishing print ad revenue, Digital First chief executive John Paton insisted last September: If you stack them high enough, “Digital dimes can replace Print [...]
In this remarkable feat of bravery against the odds, a daredevil attempts the greatest challenge of all: He struggles to wend his way through an obstacle course of tragedy, sorrow and regret, with each choice he makes culminating in a banquet of recrimination and providing a future consisting mainly of even more unpleasant options from which to select, knowing the whole time that the only end result is his own demise, adding even more sadness to the lives of those he loves and upon whom he has already piled unimaginable anguish, all the while under the impression that his intentions were good. Oh, wait, this is a dude skydiving [...]
"A couple of years ago, Anna Jane Grossman read a spoof article on the website The Awl about a teenage girl who was building up her resume for college applications and was struck by one detail; among the descriptions of organic ibex farming and studying Chinese, the high school student was teaching her dog how to use an iPad. 'It was not real. But I was like, "Oh, I can teach my dog how to use the iPad!"' Grossman, who had recently left journalism to pursue dog [...]
"It's a trend—thanks to peer pressure, and the Internet."
The day was long coming, but it's still okay for bloggers to feel a little bit proud this morning: The "Top Stories" on Google News on this busy Monday morning lead with a blog recap of "The Walking Dead." Stick that in your nuclear missiles, North Korean guy!
If you needed some "hard news," the next top story of the moment is "On Easter Sunday, Google Honors Cesar Chavez, Not Jesus."
"Digital First Media announced today that it is creating a national curation team as part of its centralized news operation. That operation, called Thunderdome, will be produced by Digital First’s MediaNews Group and Journal Register Company…. 'Providing context to everything we curate is vital to providing a comprehensive news report,' said digital projects editor Mandy Jenkins…. 'Successful curation… will entice many people to click through and read or watch more,' wrote Steve Buttry in a blog post. Buttry is the director of community engagement & social media at Digital First, and he pointed out some useful guidelines and tips for curators in the post. 'Effective curation boosts the experience [...]