Posts Tagged: New Zealand

In New Zealand They Compensate You For Automobile Damage With Bungee Jumps, Apparently

"Two German travellers have been offered free bungee jumps as compensation after their car was crushed by a tree in New Zealand, it's reported."


The Dumbest Funnest Things to Do–And Who Did Them First

IMHOOF: I came to Queenstown on a snowboarding trip. I’d been living in Hawaii, surfing. HAY: This guy from Hawaii came by and started chatting with us. He said, “I’d like to go down the river on my body board.” We said, “We do that all the time.” IMHOOF: The rafting guides suggested the Kawarau River. I found that body boards work well. I called it river surfing, since we could surf waves. HAY: It’s called riverboarding. I did it well before he did. IMHOOF: The whole “who was first” argument? Some guy in Africa 100,000 years ago was probably struggling for his life in a flood and he [...]


Hobbit Island Smokes Pricey

I am never going to decaffeinated Australia now.


Shrek the Sheep, 1994-2011

New Zealand counter-culture icon Shrek the Sheep has died, euthanized by a veterinarian because he was old and sick. Shrek became famous seven years ago, when it was discovered that he'd been hiding in caves since 1998 to avoid shearing. After his capture, his 60-pound coat of fleece was cut off on national TV, yielding enough wool to make 20 men's suits, and turning Shrek into a folk hero. He met Prime Minister Helen Clark and started a career in the nonprofit industry, raising over $150 thousand for children's medical charities. "He had an unbelievable personality," said his owner, John Perriam. "He loved children and he was really [...]


Hobbit Island Inexplicably Distressed By Nasty Foodstuff Shortage

There is some truly tragic news out of Decaffeinated Australia: "An announcement by New Zealand's leading manufacturer of the black sandwich spread, Marmite, has sparked 'marmageddon' fears among Kiwis. Food company Sanitarium said on its website that supplies "are starting to run out nationwide" after 'our Christchurch factory was closed due to earthquake damage'. Even Prime Minister John Key said he is rationing his personal supply." EVEN THE PRIME MINISTER WILL NOT BE SPARED. I don't know what the people of New Zealand are going to do, except probably eat something less foul and vile.


Sad, Upside-Down Drunk Will Have Another

"I was lying there, trying to get the doors open but couldn't. I remember the inside light not working and thinking, 'It's not like I'm going to read a book,' so I opened another can." -Paul Nigel Sneddon of New Zealand explains why police found him drinking a beer when they pulled him out of his overturned car. Sneddon, who had gone on a four-day binge after losing his job and learning that his father had cancer, says that he can't stop drinking because, "When you're lonely like I am, you cling to the things that bring you comfort."