Michael Bay, I have personally viewed at least 60% of the content you have made as a director (slightly more than that, if you count the "Got Milk"? campaign and Meat Loaf's video for "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)." So I'm qualified to observe that your work grows exponentially worse in expected, methodical patterns. Bad Boys II? Not as good as Bad Boys I! Armageddon? It followed the far superior The Rock! (And let's remember, The Island followed Bad Boys II, which, oh man, poor Ewan McGregor!) And I don't think the quality progression between the first two Transformers movies even needs to be pointed out. Let's just say the second one was as bad as that G.I. Joe movie, which, that was more like GI Disorder, AM I RIGHT? So now, for the first time, you are making a sequel to a sequel! Michael Bay, I do not think you can trick us about this. This, we can absolutely reasonably expect, will be your most awful, ridiculous, crappily-dialogued, most senselessly explodey creation yet. This is a film to be viewed only in 2012, in bed, with the flu, on the shoddiest of the premium cable services. I WILL NOT SEE YOU IN THE THEATERS IN JULY 2011. WHO'S WITH ME?

"Nick Cage wasn't a big actor when I cast him," Transformers director Michael Bay tells the Wall Street Journal, "nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in 'Armageddon.' Shia LaBeouf wasn't a big movie star before he did 'Transformers'-and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from 'Bad Boys.' Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in 'Transformers.' I like to think that I've had some luck in building actors' careers with my films." Also, the robot testicles in Revenge of the Fallen are actually "construction balls." Now you know!

"I was that kind of bored the other night, the kind of bored where you want to see things explode. The first time I saw the movie Armageddon, I saw it in a movie theater, which is of course because of technical reasons the best place to see things explode, the loudness of the speakers and the largeness of the screen more realistically representing what an explosion feels like than the average television set, or at least I assume so, having never actually felt an actual explosion in real life myself. "