"Key to Pepsi's legal argument is that there's no chance a mouse's corpse could survive, intact, for 15 months swimming in Mountain Dew. While published studies have not been conducted on how rapidly Mountain Dew would dissolve a mouse, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the neon green soda can eat away teeth and bones in a matter of months, and would likely do quite a number on a rodent."
Mice who fuck around have sons with more powerful sperm than monogamous mice. There's a lesson in here somewhere, but you'll probably get in trouble if you try to use it as an excuse.
Could the radiation beamed at your head through your cell phone actually save you from Alzheimer's disease? That's what some scientists from Florida are suggesting, after conducting experiments on mice in which the rodents were exposed to the electro-magnetic fields associated with portable phones for a period of nine months. Turns out that "the Alzheimer's mice performed as well on tests measuring memory and thinking skills as aged mice without dementia. If older Alzheimer's mice already showing memory problems were exposed to the electro-magnetic waves, their memory impairment disappeared." Scientists caution that further research needs to be conducted, and also note that once you teach mice how to [...]
"Nicotine causes changes in gene regulation that enhance the brain's subsequent response to cocaine. The finding, in mice, provides the first clear evidence for a molecular mechanism supporting the idea of 'gateway drugs'…. In a study published today in Science Translational Medicine, the team shows that, in mice at least, nicotine causes epigenetic changes–long-lasting changes in the control of gene expression–that subsequently boost the response to cocaine."
You ever wonder what happened to that psycho kid you grew up next door to? He's apparently running pest control on Guam, where the U.S. Department of Agriculture is trying to reduce the population of brown tree snakes in Guam by dropping acetaminophen-filled dead mice into the forest from helicopters. "Since scientists discovered that the household pain reliever was deadly to the brown tree snakes, they've been trying to figure out how to get it to where many of the serpents live in the canopies of the island's forests, according to a report in Stars & Stripes. The Tylenol-loaded mice are attached to two pieces of cardboard joined [...]
Scientists in Moscow have genetically altered mice so that they produce human milk. I don't care what the hell disease they're trying to cure with this one, it is just ewww.
"SEX and violence are neighbours in the brain, but they don't get along. It turns out that the cells responsible for aggression in mouse brains are suppressed during mating, which is probably a good thing."
Whaddaya got for us today, Science? "Some mouse sperm can discriminate between its brethren and competing sperm from other males, clustering with its closest relatives to swim faster in the race to the egg. But this sort of cooperation appears to be present only in certain promiscuous species, where it affords an individual's sperm a competitive advantage over that of other males." I can almost guarantee you that is something you did not know when you woke up this morning.
"Scientists of the German Mouse Clinic at Helmholtz Zentrum München have made a major contribution to understanding human language development. Using a comprehensive screening method, they studied a mouse model carrying a 'humanized version' of a key gene associated with human language." Thanks Science, that's just what we need! A genetically-altered race of supermice who speak Kraut! I'll see you guys when we're all working as slaves in subterranean cheese mines a couple of months from now.
