The worst thing about holiday travel is when the airline loses the one bag that contains ALL OF AMERICA’S VELVEETA SUPPLY.
— VELVEETA (@EatLiquidGold) January 8, 2014
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Edith Zimmerman is the founding editor of The Hairpin.
In what feels suspiciously like a post engineered to elicit this very link, the folks at Flavorwire have put together a list of the 15 best fictional bears. Okay, fine, here's your link. HAPPY NOW?
15 Great Songs About The Death Penalty That Will Hopefully One Day Sound More Archaic Than They Do Now
A new Amnesty International report says that worldwide trends show that capital punishment is "becoming a thing of the past." Here's hoping so. But the fact that China and the U.S. are not leading the way in this regard, but rather, pulling the numbers in the other direction, well, that seems bad, doesn't it?
16. Liz: She'll be like, "Whaaat?" (41:48)
15. Jack: Wait, you're Sam? (42:16)
14. Grizz: Wait, you're Sam? Don't even say it. (41:26)
13. Kenneth: So the whole show just takes place here at 30 Rockefeller Plaza—is that right, Ms. Lemon? [Yes sir...] I know, and I love it. (42:28)
12. Dot Com: Tracy is exactly where you think he is, Liz. It's the closest thing he has to hiding out in a church. (30:50)
"Gooch, what's all the fuss about, homie? Your latest work Trap God is still in our rotation and you haven't had buzz like this since The State vs. Radric Davis. And it ain't because of no bickering beef. It's cause the trap beats and charismatic flows are back on point like Rondo. But there you go ruffling everyone's feathers. With all due respect, we need less diss antics and more ratchet musical masterpieces. You ain't been locked up in a minute. So stay in it to win it and stack that unnecessary bullshit on the shelf. No one's questioning your realness, the deal is, we just want more good [...]
Other New York Times Opinion Writers Who Must Be Punished, Like Nate Silver, For Discussing Gambling
- "I’d bet anything that if the president staked out such an Obama Plan, Buffett and a lot of other business leaders would endorse it."—Thomas Friedman
- "To his immense credit he took a big gamble on killing Osama Bin Laden."—Roger Cohen
- "I’ll bet he’s not a Charlie Stross reader; if he were, he’d know about the scene in The Jennifer Morgue involving a PowerPoint presentation that turns anyone who watches it into a murderous zombie."—Paul Krugman
- "The bet Punch Sulzberger made his whole career is that people wanted — and would pay for — great journalism."—Joe Nocera
- "If I had to bet which candidate was [...]
"With old media getting savvier and BuzzFeed on the rise, Denton has seen his digital media empire threatened once again by powerful adversaries." —Oh my God the new Star Wars is gonna suck so bad.
It is fascinating to consider the gigantic omissions mainstream media makes in recapping the past year with delicious “Best of [insert year].” These are omissions of substance, but they are not often included in the discourse of popular culture. They are experiences about losing. Losing jobs, lovers, apartments. The losers’ agency—or lack thereof—is manifested in perhaps deciding a preference to “lose,” guesstimating the long-term result will be worth the sacrifice. Of course, other times exogenous factors create a shared reality where you—and this certainly includes me—have limited power in changing one’s conditions. These are the stories about getting broken up with, getting evicted from a home and—by far the worst [...]
The whole thing about lists on the Internet is that, unless they are written by me, they are in no way authoritative and are actually constructed to create controversy and contention, so when you call one out for failing to include your preferred entries you are in fact playing right into the hands of whoever formulated the list—no doubt did it for that exact purpose—which means it is a waste of your time to engage. That said, how you can make a list of The 10 Best Townes Van Zandt Songs and not include "White Freightliner Blues" is beyond me. Also "No Lonesome Tune." Also "Buckskin Stallion Blues." And [...]
12. Juror #10
11. Juror #9
10. Juror #3
9. Juror #7
8. Juror #4
151. “French Movie Theme” 150. “Annie-Dog” 149. “Pastachio Medley” 148. “The Boy” 147. “Bugg Superstar 146. “Spaced” 145. “Pulseczar” 144. “A Night Like This” 143. “Take Me Down” 142. “Shame” 141. “Glass and the Ghost Children” 140. “Medellia of the Gray Skies” 139. “Rotten Apples” 138. “La Dolly Vita” 137. “Meladori Magpie” 136. “The Bells” 135. “17” 134. “Tonite Reprise” 133. “Blank” 132. “Pennies”
24. S (Franklin Avenue Shuttle)
50. Vermont 49. Colorado 48. Alaska 47. Connecticut 46. South Dakota 45. North Dakota 44. Utah 43. Maine 42. Wyoming 41. Iowa 40. Wisconsin
12. Crazy Train
11. Long Train Runnin'
10. Peace Train
9. C'mon N' Ride It (The Train)
In a taxi after the High on Fire show a few weeks ago, I accidentally listened to “Sound Opinions,” the radio skit show where Greg Kot and Jim DeRogatis say platitudes about rock and roll to each other. It’s a pretty amusing parody of music criticism. In the skit I heard, they pretended that there were still fans of popular music who needed to be persuaded of the importance of the Velvet Underground, so DeRogatis offered a Lou Reed primer (which, in a sly touch, he mispronounced to rhyme with “timer”). The whole thing reminded me why, as much as I love rock and roll, sometimes I hate rock and [...]
23 Replacement Similes For Humans To Use Once All The Animals Are Dead And No One Knows What "Animals" Were
Now that we're well on into our planet's sixth mass extinction event, and with recent news that we're charging towards environmental catastrophe faster than ever, it's time we start thinking about contingencies not in terms of "if" but in terms of "when." Let's say, just for argument's sake, that the human species will survive. Some people, like Annalee Newitz, author of Scatter, Adapt and Remember: How Humans Will Survive A Mass Extinction, think we will! But even if she's right, certainly, there will be changes we'll have to get used to. Besides the hilarious "Great, I'll have beachfront property" jokes the wittier among us [...]
46. Nick and the Glimmung
45. Galactic Pot-Healer
44. The Zap Gun
43. Mary and the Giant
42. A Maze of Death
41. The Game-Players of Titan
40. The Broken Bubble
39. Dr. Bloodmoney, or How We Got Along After the Bomb
38. The Ganymede Takeover
37. Voices from the Street
36. Deus Irae
9. Virgin Atlantic
Did you get your Hurricane Sandy mementos yet? A whimsical "I survived Hurricane Sandy" mousepad is one of many excellent ideas floating around, post-storm, and we have gathered a few others you might want to implement immediately:
- Marathon contestants are welcome, but during the run they must wear BabyBjörns filled with supplies to be delivered door-to-door along the route.
- Outlawed giant soda cups can be used to scoop dead baby rats from your drinking water.