Posts Tagged: Life

The Girl With The YOLO Tattoo

It was Christmas Day, my last day in Thailand, and I was looking for something to make my trip extra special. I roamed the streets of Chiang Mai, listening to Drake’s “The Motto” on my iPod, and I thought about how great those last few weeks had been, and how great the last few months had been in general. After four years on and off in New York City, I had made the decision to move to South Korea to teach English. Making the decision had been rough, and I had a hard time coming to terms with leaving the city. Brunches on Saturdays, partying in the evenings, smoking [...]


It Wouldn't Make Any Difference

For most of us the John Lennon line about life being what happens when you're making other plans seems academic at first but, as the years go by, passes through phases of being something funny, something clever, something understandable and then something cruel. The worst part about our headlong trudge to the tomb is the way that once we realize how much road is already behind us it is far too late to go back and fix the mistakes we made along the way. Maybe the best bit about life—and I am setting an admittedly low bar here, but look what we have to deal with—is that although we [...]


Weiner Takes All: A Panel Discussion of People Named Weiner and Wiener

I. On The Battle

Brett Weiner (WHY-ner), director/writer/producer: WEE-ner is a much more make-funable name than WHY-ner. WHY-ner is also not great. Because any time you complain, you get it used against you. But WEE-ner's like… it's a dick. So, your last name means “a dick.”

Scott Wiener (WEE-ner), politician: When people pronounce it WHY-ner, that drives me nuts. Whatever challenges there are around WEE-ner, WHY-ner is worse.

David Weiner (WEE-ner), creative and editorial director: I did a piece a bunch of years ago that was picked up by some right-wing blog. And that Fox News show Red Eye, with the host Greg I-forget-his-last-name, he did this [...]


Hating Life Gives You More Of It

"A growing body of research has credited the power of positive thinking for contributing to good health and a longer, happier life. But a new study out of Germany suggests people who are pessimistic about their futures — specifically older people — may find greater life satisfaction down the road than their more optimistic peers."


We're A Mistake

"A genetic process that went wrong 500 million years ago led to the evolution of humans and other vertebrates." —I KNEW life was some kind of cosmic fuck-up! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! I mean, it had to be. Now where do I go to get my money back?


Luxury, Responsibility and the Double-Headed Shower Fixture

Possibly the dual shower head is commonplace place in the wider world, but it’s not in mine. So when I recently encountered one in a hotel-room shower, I found it confusing, and vaguely freakish. I wondered: Is this some thick-headed vision of progress—the same level of “innovation” that answers the three-blade razor with a four-blader? Or is it simply a production error, an industrial design mutant? What I would soon learn is that whatever the original intent, what it had become was, of all things, a moral crossroad.

Awl pal Rob Walker has to fight the gluttony that lives inside us all… before coffee.


Harvard Dropouts Have the Most Awesome Lives

Harvard magazine profiles class of 1969 dropouts from Harvard. It's awesome! They are great! Here's one: "She moved off-campus as a sophomore and had a great time 'hanging out, smoking dope, and having sex with a lot of different guys…. It wasn't Harvard that made me leave Harvard, it was me. I wanted to be young, alive, and free. Free to hitchhike around the country, check out California, try living in a commune. And I did all that.'" Now she works in a family planning clinic in Maine! Love you, Joanne Ricca!


The Tragic Life of Ugly Birds

Outside my third-floor window, in a narrow, leafy lane of Bandra West, a suburb of Mumbai, a crow had got itself stuck in some leftover Christmas decorations that were hanging off a tree. One of its feet was caught in string and the crow was dangling in mid-air. As it became more aware of its situation, it became more frantic, wrapping the string around its foot more securely. I’m not an animal activist and crows are not likable but I could not watch it die a slow, painful, and terrified death.

It was too high up and too far away from my building for me to be able to [...]


Life Boiled Down

"I think most of life can boil down to, 'I want someone to say "I love you"' or 'I want $500.'"


The Last Of The Lollipop Guild

"Only two former Munchkins, Jerry Maren, 93, and Ruth Duccini, 95, remain."


Abbreviated Race A Metaphor For Life

"Spectators and participants alike marvelled at the impressive race times clocked up at an indoor marathon in Vienna, Austria, on Sunday. But it turned out that the runners weren't particularly fast after all — the race course had been too short." —A brief moment of joy; the crushing realization that the pleasure was illusory, and the acknowledgment of unexpected brevity… remind you of anything?


A Brief History of Pants

Content series are produced in partnership with our sponsors. This edition of "Pants: What Are They!??" is brought to you by Life Khaki from Haggar.

Do you know who really, really cared about pants? Peter the Great, that’s who. “Peter The Who?” you ask? This specific Peter was the tsar of Russia who became the "Emperor of All Russia" in the early 1700s. His tenure was committed to the modernization of Russia, which at the time was not so modern. Of the reforms enacted was the Decree on Modern Dress, issued in 1701, providing for Russians that "the upper dress shall be of French or Saxon [...]


Film Critic Elvis Mitchell's Resume

Graduates Wayne State University: 1982

The Detroit Free Press: 1987 – 1988

Los Angeles Herald-Examiner : Unknown, but prior to 1989

LA Weekly: 1989

Paramount Pictures: 1992 – 1992

Spin: 1993 – 1994

"Late Call" (which aired in Detroit at 3:35 a.m. on WDIV-TV!): 1994

KCRW, "The Treatment": 1996 – present

Fort Worth Star-Telegram: 1997 – 1999

New York Times: January 28, 2000 – April 30, 2004

Harvard, guest lecturer: 2004

Sony Columbia Pictures: March, 2005 – March 2005

Los Angeles Times: (no-show)

"Elvis Mitchell: Under the Influence": 2008 – 2008

"Ebert Presents At the Movies": January, 2011 – January, 2011

Movieline: January 2011 – [...]


'Time' v. the 'New Yorker, or 'A Brief History of 'Too Insidery'

"At Fortune, [former New Yorker managing editor Ralph] Ingersoll developed what came to be called the 'corporation story,' a profile of a company.' He had the idea of writing about The New Yorker…. published, anonymously, in August, 1934. It was 'The Making of a Magazine' told straight, which made The New Yorker look exactly the way Ross didn't want it to look. It also violated Ross's creed: 'I do not want any member of the staff to be conscious of the advertising or business problems of The New Yorker. If so, they will lose their spontaneity and verve and we will be just like all other magazines.' Ingersoll's story, which [...]


Ask Polly: My Life Is A Beige Pointless Hellscape!

Dear Polly,

I don't seem to want anything all that badly. Well, I do and I don't… You talk about having a compelling vision for your life. Well, I can't seem to come up with much of one. At best everything is fuzzy. I've always wanted one of those careers where you're paid to be yourself—one where you can be funny and show off on a stage and make people laugh and be entertained. To be someone's muse and inspiration rather than the service lackey I am now. Except I took acting classes and auditioned for plays and never got in. I'm not stereotypically good looking and female, plus in [...]


Story Sad

Heads up: This story is out there. Hover over the link to familiarize yourself with the URL in case you come across it in the ether, but DO NOT CLICK unless you are in a safe space for crying and will not see anyone for about an hour beyond that, just in case you have a couple of emotional aftershocks.


Attention Recent Graduates: It Is Now Your Future

I know it's only April, but I wanted to get a jump on the Commencement Addresses for various Colleges, Junior Colleges, Trade Schools, and other institutions of Higher Learning, while reminding everyone I am available for such speaking engagements, to inform and inspire the Youth.

Here is the "Uncorrected Proof" of my current address to the Recent Graduate. It helps to imagine it being read in a shouting voice.

"See your future, be your future" is not just a line one may quote from the movie Caddyshack, starring Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Rodney Dangerfield, it is a Way to live one's life. Like millions of people, I bet, [...]


Life: How Much Longer Do You Have To Keep Doing It?

How many years might be added to a life? A few longevity enthusiasts suggest a possible increase of decades. Most others believe in more modest gains. And when will they come? Are we a decade away? Twenty years? Fifty years? Even without a new high-tech “fix” for aging, the United Nations estimates that life expectancy over the next century will approach 100 years for women in the developed world and over 90 years for women in the developing world. (Men lag behind by three or four years.) Whatever actually happens, this seems like a good time to ask a very basic question: How long do you want to [...]


Lazy Scientists Don't Know Why Coffee Will Make You Live Forever*

"In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality. Whether this was a causal or associational finding cannot be determined from our data." *Not actually "forever" at all. (via)


"Someone Cut My Toe Off": Overheard at the Social Security Office Today

8788? 8688? I didn't hear the other number. Probably because I was talking. Ha ha ha ha.

I told them that. They said just use that. It didn't matter. But it does matter.

Someone punched me in the mouth. I tasted the blood. It gave me booger snot. Is that what it did? And then I could breath. Or I thought I was breathing OK. Ha ha ha ha.