"This is bladey madness" is actually an expose of the ease with which young Britons can procure "LETHAL swords, machetes and knives," but it would also be a great title for a compilation of current music from over there, if someone is interested in putting one together.
In Britain—where love of the blade is so strong that the nation's most legendary monarch proved his fitness for the throne by pulling a giant knife from a rock—every dagger has its own special story, but very few are as highly prized as the one wielded by famed vivisector Jack the Ripper, a man whose skill with the scalpel marked him out as prodigiously talented even in a country whose inhabitants seem to emerge from the womb with miniature machetes clasped in their tiny hands. Anyway, is this the knife he used to slice up his victims? Sure, why the hell not.
Important features in airport seating: The ability to withstand knife attacks, according to the British (of course) airport-seating designer Rodney Kinsman. Kinsman's company OMK tests out its airport seating in courts and prisons ("If they'll survive that, they'll survive anything," he says), and he even brandished a knife and stabbed his seat at a recent airport-design expo in order to prove his designs' ability to withstand his homeland's preferred form of expressing its rage; the scar that resulted from his attack was "barely visible" post-attack, thanks to the strength of his firm's preferred polymers. One would think that this particular feature would be somewhat beside the point in [...]
To Britain, where the penchant for stabbing is about to get a whole lot more exciting due to those innovative chaps from across the pond: "Senior police officers have been warned to look out for a new knife which can inject a ball of compressed gas into its victim that instantly freezes internal organs. The 'wasp knife', which can deliver a ball of compressed gas capable of killing its victim at the press of a button, may be heading for Britain, the Metropolitan Police fear. A needle in the tip of the blade shoots out the frozen ball of gas which instantly balloons to the size of a basketball, [...]