Posts Tagged: Kids
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Everything Still Terrible

"Debate rages over children on juice cleanses," apparently. This is one of those things where you actually hope the tabs are exaggerating for traffic, because otherwise, oh my God. Never mind what we're doing to these poor kids in terms of body image, can you imagine how self-righteous and irritable an entire generation that has grown up on kale and cilantro juice will be when it finally reaches maturity? I guess the upside is they will be tiny and thus easy to push aside.

Image via

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5 Quick & Easy Ways to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

We all want confident children, but research indicates that effusive parental praise can backfire. In one study, 80% of kids describe their parents' compliments as "not really true," "overblown" or "completely full of shit." Does this mean we're doomed to raise a generation of children who doubt themselves? Not if we stop praising them unnecessarily. Instead, parents should give their children truly daunting challenges that actually do warrant a flood of praise. For example:

1. Teach your child to do the Heimlich maneuver. Then, pretend that you're choking on a chicken bone. When your child "saves" you, thank him profusely, through tears. Be sure to tell everyone in the [...]

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CNN Executives Carefully Reviewing Reader Submission From Atheist Mom

Look at this headline, if your faith is strong enough: "Why I Raise My Children Without God." Whoa, what is going on at CNN.com? Did someone forget that CNN's job is to protect God from weird blog posts by random moms in Texas? What if a child finds out there's no God? Oh don't worry, we're pretty sure Newtown took care of that, for the current generation of five-year-olds. And now our children supposedly shouldn't be narcissists? Is that even American, to not think the entire world and also an All-Powerful Deity exists solely to get you certain presents and make you a rapper on reality television someday?

[...]
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What Did You Want To Accomplish When You Grew Up?

The first in a series about youth.

When you're a kid, there are no limits on the world—everything seems possible. When he was seven, my brother truly believed that one day he'd wake up to see a T-Rex peering at him through his bedroom. (Yes, he had just watched Jurassic Park.) He also talked about inventing a plane that could withstand the strength of a tornado enough to fly within its wind currents, for a real bird's-eye view of the storm. To find out other would-be inventions and asked an assorted group of tech- and science-minded folks, "When you were young, what did you want to invent, discover or [...]

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Two Great New Videos Wherein Teeth Get Knocked Out Of People's Mouths, And Richard Ford And Lorrie Moore (Those Aren't The People)

Solved: The mystery of how Detroit rapper Danny Brown lost his front tooth. And how Die Antwoord's Ninja, from Johannesburg, lost his.

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A Short Story from the County Board Meeting in Arlington, VA

Two kids are testifying about why this Arlington shelter is a bad idea — cursing, 2nd hand smoke. Their parents should be horse whipped.

— Michael Neibauer (@NeibsWBJ) December 14, 2011

These two pre-10yo girls just told the Arlington board that they may take the wrong path in life if they have to live near homeless people.

— Michael Neibauer (@NeibsWBJ) December 14, 2011

Arlington Board agrees to buy (or seize) 2020 14th St. N, to serve as office space and homeless shelter.

— Michael Neibauer (@NeibsWBJ) December 14, 2011

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Building Gardens in the New York City Schools

What's that? A fundraiser to help expand a program in which New York City school kids build gardens, grow vegetables and make documentaries? Sounds like community organizing to me.

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The One School You Can Send Your Daughter To Make Her "Lean Into" A Rich And Famous Man

Among the girls who have attended Marlborough, the first major independent school to go co-ed, starting with its 1968 sixth form—there is a more fascinating trend. For here, the brightest and best are listed remarkably often next to the words 'wife of.' Most famous, of course, is the Duchess of Cambridge, 'wife of' our future king. But see also, Samantha Cameron, 'wife of' the Prime Minister. Frances Osborne, 'wife of' the Chancellor. Sally Bercow, 'wife of' the Speaker. Diana Fox, 'wife of' the Governor of the Bank of England…. Its reach of influence stretches across the internet, fashion, the BBC and Hollywood, through old girls Amanda Rosenberg (dating Google [...]

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Keep Your Child Fashionably Thin By Putting Meals On Teeny Tiny Plates

Researchers have come up with a hilarious new way to keep Junior from getting larger: Just put your child's meals on very little plates, so the child cannot figure out she is getting a few spoonfuls of blanched kale for dinner, again.

The medical journal Pediatrics just released an exciting new study that proves kids can't tell the difference between plate sizes. Give them gigantic plates, like prop plates from movies about giants, and the youngster will eat enough for a week without noticing. Giving children small plates, like those used in popular Brooklyn restaurants, is an easy way to fake out the minds of our littlest ones.

"Researchers [...]

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On Advice To Kids

When my friends started having children, as much as I thought about what role I'd play in their kids' lives, it was as the sort of friend of the family who, when you're teetering through teenagerdom and your early 20s, takes you out to lunch or dinner (often arriving, fortuitously, when you're most off course and down-at-heel), gives you Rilke and Asimov and the Brontes at the junctures when they can do their most good, takes your ambitions seriously, lets you be yourself while providing some calibrating sense of what the world at large will eventually expect from your conversation, etc. I had a couple such 'aunts' myself, my mom's [...]

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"Hiii, Mr. Cartoon!" An Appreciation Of Local Kid Shows Past

Part of a month-long series on the people and peculiarities of where we're from.

List the twentieth century's most iconic television characters for children. Some obvious candidates off the top of your head: Fred Rogers as Mr. Rogers was a gentle and avuncular mainstay for generations, as was the more colorful and whiskered Captain Kangaroo, portrayed by Bob Keeshan. Both were televised nationally—the Captain on CBS (for the first 29 years) pre-school mornings, and Mr. Rogers syndicated to your local public television station—and as such they were something all children had in common. If you were a little kid in America sometime between the 60s and the 80s, there's [...]

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How Your Kid's Reading Tests Get Made

It turned out that the business model for educational content creation (in "language arts," at least) is rather less romantic than I had envisioned. Content assignments are farmed out to an army of small-time contractors with some kind of nominal qualifications — stay-at-home moms, former school librarians, and so on. Overwhelmingly, the assignments are not story ideas or anything the like; the basis is grade level, mean word length, schematic adherence to state educational standards (see above), and volume, volume, volume. I think the pay is per passage, rather than by the word.

The result is a stream of unmitigated crap, crap that is unremitting and remarkably homogeneous. [...]

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Seen And Heard At A New Jersey Beach Club This Past Weekend

1) A thick-chested man in tight striped Polo shirt and a woman in tennis whites are walking towards the pool. “They say that money can’t buy happiness,” the man says. “Well, I say, ‘I’m gonna try to find out!’” The woman swats at his arm. The man laughs, “HA HA HA HA HA.”

2) In the parking lot sits a white convertible Mustang painted with pinstripes and a large New York Yankees logo on the side. On the beach, a guest asks a longtime club member, “So who owns the Yankees Mustang? With the pinstripes?” “Oh, I don’t know,” says the longtime member. “But I’ve seen it here it [...]

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Message In A Bottle Received, Responded To, 24 Years Later

"My name is Frank and I'm five years old. My dad and I are traveling on a ship to Denmark. If you find this letter, please write back to me, and I will write back to you." —Frank Uesbeck, of Coesfeld, Germany, contributed to the pollution of the Baltic Sea 24 years ago by sealing a note in a brown glass bottle and throwing it off a boat. Now 29, and apparently unrepentant, he is being rewarded with press coverage. Because 13-year-old Daniil Korotkikh found the bottle on a beach on the Russian coast and reporters helped him contact Uesbeck over the Internet. Actually, this story from last [...]

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Gay Dads, Gucci Bags, New York Slags

Once—during one of those conversations in which you and a spouse/friend/coworker are formulating an alternate reality—my husband suggested that we move to Japan and become reality television stars. We're an interracial gay couple with the two cutest kids in the universe. In this country, we get occasional stares. In Japan, I'm confident we could be stars.

Gossip personality Perez Hilton is going to co-produce and star in a reality television show about gay dads, right here in America. It has a very descriptive name: "Gay Dads Of New York." We are not going to be on it. We weren't asked to be, nothing like that, and we're not the kind [...]

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That Giant Albino Snake All Children Love Is a She, Not a He

"An article on Feb. 17 about a decline in field trips for students because of the New York City school bus drivers’ strike referred incorrectly to the 280-pound albino Burmese python at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum. The python, a favorite of schoolchildren, is a 'she' (Fantasia), not a 'he.'" —The NYT is taking this accountability thing very seriously, when it comes to enormous albino zoo animals that are a favorite of children.

Photo by edenpictures.

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The Quiet Menace of Lois Lowry

Author for young people Lois Lowry on Hunger Games: "I was troubled by the fact that it’s children killing children.” (You can see Lois Lowry tonight in New York!)

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Local Millennial Doesn't Deserve to Live in New York City

"A neighbor told me that she believes the landlord illegally raised the rent and submitted bogus forms to whatever agency is in charge of the whole rent-stabilization process, claiming that work done by the last tenant was done by a contractor. I have no idea what any of this means, and I do not really care…. Also, I am in college and my parents are paying my rent, so do I have to tell them? Obviously, I am looking to do nothing in this matter. Is that cool?" —Jesus Christ, kids. (Also, you know, rent stabilization laws aren't that complicated, and if you're too lazy or stupid to [...]

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Pinterest And The Perfect Picture

Here are some libraries on Pinterest: leather couches, wraparound staircases, hidden doors within the shelves. And then here is my personal library: crammed into and around a small bookshelf. My 20-month-old son regularly pulls books off the shelves and buries them beneath the couch, like a particularly nerdish squirrel. I'd like a hidden door also, but this is my library and this is my life.

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Australia's Worst Export: Planking Finally Invades America

Saturday morning, after picking up my kid from his art class, I was walking with him on East 11th Street, across from St. Mark's Church, when we came upon a boy, looked to be about ten years old, lying on the sidewalk. His eyes were closed, and though I could see him breathing, for a moment, I wondered whether something bad had happened—whether I would have to call 911, and whether my own kid was about to witness something much heavier than I would ever want for him to witness. Three guys walking in front of us had fanned out to step around around him, slowing to inspect the [...]