In an unsurprising news update, the New Jersey man who smacked his own lawyer in front of a jury convened to determine whether or not he was guilty of a number of violent crimes has been found guilty. He will now be sentenced to life in prison. Because of all the prior bank robbing and stuff. @10:40 AM 4
Jersey Mayhem: Defendant Slaps His Own Attorney In The Face In Court @10:20 AM
I guess if you were a paroled bank robber facing new charges of eluding police, aggravated assault on a civilian, carjacking, aggravated assault on a police officer, disarming a police officer, resisting arrest, harming a law-enforcement animal, unlawful possession of a weapon, possession of prohibited, hollow-nose bullets and possession of a weapon by a convicted felon, and you're from the Jersey Shore, you might get into court and just say fuck it, imagine yourself as Bon Jovi singing at a deserted drive-in theater atop a mesa in the Moab Desert, and go out in a blaze of glorious mayhem. READ MORE 16
Jersey Mayhem: Prosecutors Seeking Heavy-Duty Italian-Looking Man Who Enjoys Leg-Breaking, Baseball-Batting And Collecting Money @2:55 PM
“Either we collect this money like a gentleman or we collect it like a tiger," said 60-year-old Michael "Mikey Red" Nobile. "And sometimes I like to collect it like a tiger.” This according to federal wiretap evidence entered in his trial for extortion and conspiracy to commit extortion. Nobile, who New Jersey prosecutors describe as a "former leg-breaker," was allegedly one of three "heavy-duty Italian-looking men" who witnesses reported as violently threatening the manager of Lenny's pizzeria a Warren County pizzeria last summer. The wiretap, which was originally used to convict Nobile of assault ten years ago, also recorded him saying, "I will baseball bat your head!" For some reason, current employees of the pizzeria were reluctant to discuss the matter with newspaper reporters. 6
Public Apology: Dear Owner of the White House At the Corner of Northvale and Southvale Avenues in Little Silver, New Jersey @4:20 PM
Jersey Mayhem: Man Proves It's Easier To Rob Police Headquarters Than One Might Think @9:15 AM
"Trenton police say a man sneaked into police headquarters and stole a police radio, a computer monitor and a sergeant's attache case. Anthony Williams was arrested Sunday after authorities said he tried to sell the radio to customers at a Taco Bell drive-through. Police say a video shows Williams attempting to get into the police station, but being turned away. Later, authorities say the 41-year-old walked into an office when no one was manning the security station in the lobby. They say Williams spoke on the police radio, which helped police realize the device was missing."
—The Asbury Park Press reports the news. Trenton is New Jersey's state capitol. 1
Jersey Mayhem: Cop Snowballer Now Hottest Dude In Jersey @9:25 AM
Matthew Beck is one New Jersey fella who will be getting some this weekend. And when he does, he'll have the the JERSEY MAYHEM!!! section of the Asbury Park Press to thank. Also, the snow, his exceptional aim, his poor judgment and Hanover Township police officer Dominic Kaiser. READ MORE 3
Jersey Mayhem: Proud State Tradition Caught On Tape @11:00 AM
Because New Jersey's reputation as a corruption mecca could use some burnishing, here is some videotape that could help. Meet former Jersey City deputy mayor Leona Beldini, READ MORE 2
Not Everything In New Jersey Is As Pretty As That Stretch Of The Turnpike That Runs Past Elizabeth @9:13 AM
So the high school baseball coach who had his players text him upon completion of their masturbation sessions was found guilty Friday. He's set to be sentenced to prison in April, facing up to 100 years. You get the feeling The Boss won't be writing a song about this one. 5
Jersey Mayhem: Shady Bowling Alley Owner Accused Of Torching Rival Lanes @12:15 PM
If you were writing a script for a movie, or perhaps an episode of "The Sopranos," and you needed a name for a retired warrant officer who bought a South Jersey bowling alley called Pike Lanes Family Fun Center, talked big about putting the competition out of business, and then burned down a beloved local landmark in order to do so, what's the best you could come up with? How about Steven Henry Smink? Yes, Smink. That's the name of the 47-year-old man accused of arson in the fire that gutted the 50-year-old Loyle Lanes bowling alley in Vineland in the early morning hours of January 11th. READ MORE 11
There's Gotta Be Better Ways For A Teenager To Make $35 Dollars A Day @2:20 PM
A high school baseball coach is in trial in New Jersey for allegedly talking to his players about their masturbation habits. A number of the former players at Belmar's St. Rose High School have told jurors how their 43-year-old coach asked that they send him a text message every time they masturbated. The coach would pay up to $5 per text, the players said, and devised a code in which they were provide details. The Asbury Park Press Reports, "The code included a number for the duration of the act and a one-word description of how it felt—from bad to good to excellent." 38
Jersey Mayhem: Policeman Unhurt By Shooting Someone Else In The Face @11:20 AM
Very bad Jersey Mayhem last night—a Jersey City police officer shot 18-year-old high school senior Kwadir Felton "through the eye." Felton survived and is recovering at the hospital. The undercover officer was in a pickup truck, which Felton approached, and he shot the teen through the window of the car, according to the police. I suppose it's just space-filling when the AP closes their report with "the officer, who was working undercover, was not hurt." 2
Jersey Mayhem: Knife-Happy Road Rager Busted In Mall Parking Lot @9:45 AM
Apart from certain MTV-related mishegas, it's been a relatively mayhem-free week in New Jersey. But there is this: "Police: Ocean Township man threatened motorist with knife for driving too slow." From the Asbury Park Press: "According to police, Christopher Tilas, 19, pulled alongside a 2009 Hyundai he had initially been unable to pass and threatened the car passenger with a knife. The driver of the car, a 23-year-old woman from Howell, called police as she drove into the parking lot of the Seaview Mall." When you think about it, this story is really a classic example of Jersey mayhem. READ MORE 11
Lakewood Has Way More Jersey Mayhem Than It Knows What To Do With @2:52 PM
What is going on in Lakewood, New Jersey? This town of 40,000 residents, just a dollop of hair gel's throw from the Seaside Heights beach house occupied by the proud guidos of that show on MTV which is not to be named, has been dominating the Asbury Park Press's Jersey Mayhem section in a very unhealthy way of late. READ MORE 17
Jersey Mayhem: Villainous Vet Cops To Giving Bird Cold Shoulder @3:50 PM
You know the old joke about the parrot and the freezer? A considerably less humorous version occurred in New Jersey, where veterinarian Mahmoud Hussein pleaded guilty to animal cruelty after the death of a Conure parrot outside the Howell Veterinary Clinic. As the Asbury Park Press reports, "The bird, named Tickles, was kept in an unheated entryway of the Fort Plains Road office and was found dead after temperatures dipped into the 40s." Hussein was fined $1000 and faces the possibility of his license being revoked. 2
Important Jersey Mayhem Update: "Operation: Pizzeria Uno" @9:50 AM
Some types of JERSEY MAYHEM!!! never change. Back in summer 1988, on one of my first days delivering pizza in Jersey's Long Branch area, I received some counsel from one of the older drivers. "You'll get a call to make a delivery and when you show up to the house some hot chick's gonna open the door in just her bra and panties and invite you inside," he said. "Don't go inside. There's gonna be some big dude in there waiting to jump out and beat the shit out of you. Trust me. It's a set up." I stared at him, incredulous. "Don't get me wrong," he continued, "I've banged my share of customers-we all have. But you gotta be careful." Now, I found this story very hard to believe. This particular older driver was not exactly known as a ladies' man. In fact, he was famously rumored to have only one testicle. But, as we are reminded by the hairy but ultimately successful undercover sting operation that Long Branch police executed last week, in which a cop posed as a pizza delivery man to capture a roving gang of pizza-delivery-guy attackers, the main gist of his message was something to heed. Pizza delivery is, actually, kind of a dangerous job! 7
The Future of Local News: "Jersey Mayhem" @12:00 PM
When I was growing up on the New Jersey shore, my local newspaper was The Asbury Park Press. A fine local newspaper. When I was in high school, the Press had, like many small papers, a weekly Police Blotter, reporting recent arrests and criminal activity. Needless to say, having one's name appear in the Police Blotter was a great boon to one's social-status. Today, browsing the various sections of the APP website, I noticed that the Police Blotter has been renamed. It is now apparently called "Jersey Mayhem." READ MORE 12
