Posts Tagged: Jerks
4

Mean Dead Guy App Says You Don't Write Well

The new Hemingway App site yells at you for using long words, adverbs, long sentences, complex structures, and passive voice. I ran a post I wrote about "The Real World" through it, because I always thought ol' Ernie would really enjoy gabbing at length about a show that is seriously not even good, and here's what I got:

7 of 44 sentences are hard to read. 16 of 44 sentences are very hard to read. 14 adverbs. Aim for 3 or less. 11 words or phrases can be simpler. 11 uses of passive voice. Aim for 9 or less.

It's kind of a dickish website but, like, so was Hemingway.

5

Which Exclusive Ivy-Only Club Is Right For You?

IvyConnect • Upside: "IvyConnect has approved 2,000 members, who attend events a la carte or pay $45 a month or $500 a year." • Downside: Co-founded by a Goldman Sachs associate. Do you really want to do your networking with someone who couldn't make it from associate to vice president?

Ivy Connection • Upside: It's speed-dating, so you only need to spend five minutes with each Ivy-identified personage. • Downside: Admits Duke graduates.

the Ivy Plus Society • Upside: "there are no meetings, dues or other obligations save attending parties." • Downside: "hot beats to make sure you get movin' and groovin' on the dancefloor!"

IvyLife [...]

4

Ralph Nader Still Chipping Away At Our Fine Country

I keep remembering, and then forgetting, that Ralph Nader has just published a novel. It doesn't sound so great, and also a little broad-strokingly Randian, according to Awl pal Seth Colter Walls: "But unlike the author of a tome as worshipfully phallocentric as The Fountainhead, the consumer advocate turned third-party presidential candidate doesn't know from sex appeal. When Nader writes about an 'aroused citizenry,' he means a public eager to fill up its free hours with the business of joining consumer unions." Hilariously, Nader made contact, before publication, with all the people whose names he used in the book. Of course, this resulted in the world's most hilarious [...]

46

Ask Polly: How Do I Stop Meeting Arrogant, Mentally Ill Pricks?

Hi Polly,

I finally have been hired for my dream internship, in my field, and utilizing my educational background. In a large international megapolis. But….

After years of dating, I am writing to you for some guidance on how to approach dating abroad/in a totally new place. I recently broke up with the last of a slew of asshole, arrogant, mentally ill prick boyfriends. One of whom raped me, resulting in years of difficult, but productive therapy. I feel like I am in a good place and want to date someone who is professional, reasonable and you know—cool. Not a meanie.

I am just really worried about ways [...]

3

Brave Heroes Denied $1.3 Million Reward For Finding Killer Cop

When the ex-LAPD supervillain Christopher Dorner rampaged across Southern California last month, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa announced a million-dollar reward for information leading to Dorner's capture. Three brave heroes who survived their encounters with Dorner have since claimed the reward, but the stingy governments and groups who offered the money now refuse to pay because Dorner somehow didn't survive an army of cops roasting and demolishing the mountain cabin he holed up inside for his last stand.

Jim and Karen Reynolds survived a real-life crappy thriller movie when Dorner tied them up and held them prisoner in their nearby vacation cabin, and Rick Heltebrake lived through a harrowing carjacking [...]

17

Don't Give The MTA That Metrocard Dollar!

In Union Square this morning. The MTA is making millions off that extra buck you pay for a new metrocard. We've got reaction

— kristen shaughnessy (@kshaughnessy2) May 13, 2013

Each Metrocard costs the MTA about six cents to make. Since March, they've charged you a dollar for each one, because it's not "green." Because… that's your fault. That they make Metrocards. Yeah.

So the other 94¢ the MTA makes on each card goes to planting a baby tree in Queens. Because that'd be GREEEEEN. Just kidding, it's all profit. The idea of this having to do with the environment is as fake as the scammy carbon [...]

13

Randel K. Johnson Is An Expert Monster

Are you losing your mind over the "everyone goes to work sick because otherwise they don't get paid" article? I am! You should be! It is pretty revolting that in America you have to go wait tables with the swine flu so you don't become homeless. Here is how Randel K. Johnson, the "senior vice president for labor at the United States Chamber of Commerce," downplays America's lack of sick leave: "The problem is not nearly as great as some people say. Lots of employers work these things out on an ad hoc basis with their employees." Here's how the Times follows up his claim: "According to the Bureau [...]