"Tesco has withdrawn its frozen Simply Roast Meatloaf after finding traces of up to 5 per cent horse meat in it, the company said last night…. Separately, the company is plotting a move into family dining by buying the Giraffe restaurant chain for up to £50m, it was reported last night."
"The scandal over horse meat in the European food chain widened Thursday from a case of mislabeling to one of food safety as public health authorities in Britain said that a powerful equine painkiller, potentially harmful to human health, 'may have entered the food chain'"—but only in France, so phew. In related news, the Guardian headline "Horsemeat scandal: 'fresh beef' discovery as tests overwhelm laboratories" might lead one to think that analysis had discovered some actual beef mixed in with all the ground-up stallion, but alas, no: "tests revealed potentially dangerous contamination of meat with veterinary drugs and Asda confirmed the first trace of horse had been found [...]
"Tesco tonight became the latest firm to drop a major supplier after discovering a range of spaghetti bolognese ready meals contained more than 60% horse meat." Perhaps it is time we refine this recipe to reflect modern British tastes.
"A drug that can cause cancer in humans may have entered the food chain through horse meat slaughtered in UK abattoirs, Labour has claimed."
"He grabbed my arm, urging me to have another, but I said I was overdue at the Press Club and hustled off to get my act together for the awful spectacle. At the airport newsstand I picked up a Courier-Journal and scanned the front page headlines: 'Nixon Sends GI's into Cambodia to Hit Reds'… 'B-52's Raid, then 20,000 GI's Advance 20 Miles"…' 4,000 U.S. Troops Deployed Near Yale as Tension Grows Over Panther Protest.' At the bottom of the page was a photo of Diane Crump, soon to become the first woman jockey ever to ride in the Kentucky Derby. The photographer had snapped her 'stopping in the barn area [...]
Click on this link to see a pretty amazing picture of stallions fighting over who gets to do sex to the lady horses. Seriously, it's good.
A number of you are always, "Yes, we get it, you like bears, but what about the ponies?" Well, do not let it be said that we are equinophobic here at the Awl. Here, for the horsey set, is a story about the world's tiniest stallion. He was sick, but he's much better now! One, two, three: AWWW. Okay, that ought to hold you for a while.
Here you will find a photo of an orange horse.
Whenever the meat supply on Knifecrime Island is perceived to be compromised, the government of the day trots out an unlucky official to take one for the team and graze on whatever bits of gristle and hoof they want to reassure their suddenly squeamish countrymen—people who eat sausage made out of dried blood on a regular basis—that everything's just fine. Nearly a quarter century after an agriculture minister attempted to fell the fear that crazy cows might do further damage to the already addled grey matter of that cursed island's lager-fueled legion of louts by attempting (unsuccessfully) to cram a BSE-burger into a [...]
As food safety authorities "try to find out how beefburgers on sale in UK and Irish Republic supermarkets became contaminated with horsemeat," a helpful soul "has launched an online calculator – so burger fans can work out how many horses they could eat in a lifetime." I mean, let's be honest, you're eating a lot worse than horse when you're having a burger, but sure, oh no the ponies, etc.
You had to know that once the British finally brought back a toff Prime Minister one of his eventual scandals would be called "Horsegate." It's just so upper class. Anyway: "David Cameron has been accused of not being straight about his close links with News International after he finally admitted riding Rebekah Brooks’s ex-police horse." That is a sentence, yes. In related Knifecrime Island equine news: Is this Britain's tallest horse? Sure, why the hell not.
While the vast majority of the general public only tunes in to watch the Belmont Stakes if there's a chance that they might see the winning of the Triple Crown, it is still a race beloved by traditionalists, compulsive gamblers, and fetishists who find themselves aroused by tiny men beating a horse with a stick around a mile-and-a-half oval. Whatever the reasons they watch the race, viewers will notice something different this year: the horses are going to ride the jockeys. Kidding! They're changing some song or something.
Say this for the Post: when they have a great headline, they don't hide it under a bushel. The tragic story of three retired police horses who were euthanized because it would be too difficult to transport them to another farm-a situation which everyone who has once been a child might think is the nice way of saying "had them put down"-is gifted with the remarkable title "NYPD Glue." The article itself is rather unusual in its shock and horror over the whole affair, given that the Post's editorial line seems to suggest a desire to euthanize all the retired humans from our city's civil service, lest they draw [...]
"The escalating crisis over horse meat in beef products in Europe claimed another big retail victim Monday when the Swedish furniture giant, Ikea, withdrew meatballs from sale in 14 European countries." —Man, how have European vegetarians not all perished from explosive smugness yet?
Photo of standard IKEA meatballs by Yoppy.
"A West Yorkshire abattoir has been accused of passing off horsemeat as beef for kebabs and burgers." RELATED: "Subscribe to Horse & Hound print magazine and save £50 over the year% — now includes iPad edition at no extra cost!"
Maybe it would be easier if they just start detailing what percentage of British meat didn't used to be a pony.
"A 41-year-old man is to stand trial after being arrested for feeding sausage rolls to police horses."
"Zenyatta's now in a stall at Lane's End Farm near Versailles, Ky., awaiting her first breeding date, with the stallion to be announced soon. On the other side of Lexington, Blame will stand at stud and try to reproduce greatness at Claiborne Farm near Paris, Ky. Some 1,200 miles away, one of them will be named Horse of the Year on Monday at the Eclipse Awards, the sport's Tonys, Emmys and Oscars." —It's a tough decision. Zenyatta, apparently, is the popular choice among horse racing fans. And she was named after a Police album. (Her owner is former A&M Records exec, Jerry Moss.) But it's probably the second-to-worst album [...]
Your "awww" of the day comes from, of all places, Knifecrime Island: "A HORSE shot twice with a crossbow by callous yobs survived after four fellow steeds spent three hours taking turns – to LICK the wound clean. Mare Zeta came within a whisker of death after one of the bolts bounced off her rib while another lodged an inch from her lung. Evil louts blasted the 20-year-old – a competitor in show-jumping and dressage events across the UK – in the stomach as she grazed in a field. But four other competition horses in the same field 'nursed' Zeta by nuzzling her for three-and-a-half hours while taking [...]
