"Action star chides mayor for failing to visit carriage horse stables" is a news story that is happening to us here in the year two-thousand and fourteen.
"An earlier version of this post contained a quotation attributed to Lenin ('Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state') that has been widely disputed. And it included a quotation attributed to Churchill ('Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens') that the Journal has been unable to confirm. Also, the cover of a Maclean’s magazine issue in 2008 showed a picture of a dog on an examining table with the headline 'Your Dog Can Get Better Health Care Than You.' An earlier version of this post incorrectly said the photo showed and [...]
"The escalating crisis over horse meat in beef products in Europe claimed another big retail victim Monday when the Swedish furniture giant, Ikea, withdrew meatballs from sale in 14 European countries." —Man, how have European vegetarians not all perished from explosive smugness yet?
Photo of standard IKEA meatballs by Yoppy.
"A West Yorkshire abattoir has been accused of passing off horsemeat as beef for kebabs and burgers." RELATED: "Subscribe to Horse & Hound print magazine and save £50 over the year% — now includes iPad edition at no extra cost!"
Maybe it would be easier if they just start detailing what percentage of British meat didn't used to be a pony.
"A 41-year-old man is to stand trial after being arrested for feeding sausage rolls to police horses."
"Zenyatta's now in a stall at Lane's End Farm near Versailles, Ky., awaiting her first breeding date, with the stallion to be announced soon. On the other side of Lexington, Blame will stand at stud and try to reproduce greatness at Claiborne Farm near Paris, Ky. Some 1,200 miles away, one of them will be named Horse of the Year on Monday at the Eclipse Awards, the sport's Tonys, Emmys and Oscars." —It's a tough decision. Zenyatta, apparently, is the popular choice among horse racing fans. And she was named after a Police album. (Her owner is former A&M Records exec, Jerry Moss.) But it's probably the second-to-worst album [...]
"Horse Lives in House Like a Normal Person," reads a Huffington Post headline. This headline is followed by several pictures of a horse in a house. The story is not bylined, somehow, but I would like whichever intern or spambot or dog owned by Arianna Huffington who wrote it to know: this is a perfect headline for a perfect story. A+++++ would read again.
"Tesco has withdrawn its frozen Simply Roast Meatloaf after finding traces of up to 5 per cent horse meat in it, the company said last night…. Separately, the company is plotting a move into family dining by buying the Giraffe restaurant chain for up to £50m, it was reported last night."
"The scandal over horse meat in the European food chain widened Thursday from a case of mislabeling to one of food safety as public health authorities in Britain said that a powerful equine painkiller, potentially harmful to human health, 'may have entered the food chain'"—but only in France, so phew. In related news, the Guardian headline "Horsemeat scandal: 'fresh beef' discovery as tests overwhelm laboratories" might lead one to think that analysis had discovered some actual beef mixed in with all the ground-up stallion, but alas, no: "tests revealed potentially dangerous contamination of meat with veterinary drugs and Asda confirmed the first trace of horse had been found [...]
"A drug that can cause cancer in humans may have entered the food chain through horse meat slaughtered in UK abattoirs, Labour has claimed."
"He grabbed my arm, urging me to have another, but I said I was overdue at the Press Club and hustled off to get my act together for the awful spectacle. At the airport newsstand I picked up a Courier-Journal and scanned the front page headlines: 'Nixon Sends GI's into Cambodia to Hit Reds'… 'B-52's Raid, then 20,000 GI's Advance 20 Miles"…' 4,000 U.S. Troops Deployed Near Yale as Tension Grows Over Panther Protest.' At the bottom of the page was a photo of Diane Crump, soon to become the first woman jockey ever to ride in the Kentucky Derby. The photographer had snapped her 'stopping in the barn area [...]
Today begins the 15-day celebration of the Chinese New Year. According to the Chinese zodiac, we are saying goodbye to the year of the snake (get outta here, snake!) and welcoming the year of the horse. More specifically: each year is also assigned an interaction with one of the Chinese elementals that make up the universe, so this year is the year of the Wooden Horse, which may not have the undertones of Grecian subterfuge in China that it has here.
Those born in the year of each of the 12 animals are said to share personality traits with the animal in the year of which they are born. [...]
Here you will find a photo of an orange horse.
Whenever the meat supply on Knifecrime Island is perceived to be compromised, the government of the day trots out an unlucky official to take one for the team and graze on whatever bits of gristle and hoof they want to reassure their suddenly squeamish countrymen—people who eat sausage made out of dried blood on a regular basis—that everything's just fine. Nearly a quarter century after an agriculture minister attempted to fell the fear that crazy cows might do further damage to the already addled grey matter of that cursed island's lager-fueled legion of louts by attempting (unsuccessfully) to cram a BSE-burger into a [...]
As food safety authorities "try to find out how beefburgers on sale in UK and Irish Republic supermarkets became contaminated with horsemeat," a helpful soul "has launched an online calculator – so burger fans can work out how many horses they could eat in a lifetime." I mean, let's be honest, you're eating a lot worse than horse when you're having a burger, but sure, oh no the ponies, etc.
You had to know that once the British finally brought back a toff Prime Minister one of his eventual scandals would be called "Horsegate." It's just so upper class. Anyway: "David Cameron has been accused of not being straight about his close links with News International after he finally admitted riding Rebekah Brooks’s ex-police horse." That is a sentence, yes. In related Knifecrime Island equine news: Is this Britain's tallest horse? Sure, why the hell not.