Posts Tagged: Helpful Advice
23

The Only Murdering Murder Guide You'll Ever Need, You Murderer

First things first: Murder is wrong, OK? But let's say, hypothetically, that you're considering committing one anyway: how would you do it? Practically everyone wants to murder someone. That jerk that got the job you want. That guy who gets all his books reviewed while your books don’t even get published. That handsome, horrible dude everyone loves when only you know he is a complete fraud who must be exposed. Jonathan Franzen. Maybe you want to murder novelist Jonathan Franzen. Let’s say you do. You want to stand over Jonathan Franzen's wrecked body as it bubbles over with his own blood. You’re laughing and he’s just kind of lying [...]

20

The Dos And Don'ts Of Time Travel

So you’ve hooked electrodes and power couplings to an old-fashioned carousel in an abandoned amusement park on the outskirts of town. Or you’ve outfitted a Harley-Davidson with a flux capacitor—a classic. Or, my personal favorite, you’re using depleted uranium to turn the underused freight elevator in your building into a time-ship. As a soon-to-be time traveler, the last thing you want is somebody telling you “Do this!” and “Don’t do that!” You're about to become a pirate on the open waves of the ocean of time. Good for you! It's sure to be a wonderful adventure. One no doubt filled with romance, knowledge and treasure. But here, humbly, are a [...]

11

How Should One Dress Best for Civil Disobedience?

"Clothes that look as if they were bought in Camden market (wacky-wacky, thumbs-aloft, baggy striped trousers; anything with a pompom) are obviously verboten. Unless you are Elizabeth Hurley, you probably will not be tempted to wear heels to a protest (and what would Liz be protesting about, do we think, people? Perhaps a criminal nationwide shortage of white denim?). Plain and practical are the obvious styles to aim for, but nothing in army green because that risks you being mistaken for a rent- a-protester, army green generally being their chosen colour. Similarly, no T-shirts or other paraphernalia that indicate you have frequented other protests: you think it proves your passion, [...]