I was jogging by the East River this morning, listening to David Comes to Life, the new album by the Toronto rock band called Fucked Up, marveling at how awesome it is, how the drumming is like a stampede of wild horses, and how well the band's guitarists (there are three of them, like Molly Hatchet) hone and manipulate these giant waves of feedback and distortion, thinking that the sound reminds me more of Husker Du than anything I've heard since Husker Du, and that, if these guys had come out when I was in college, I would have probably wanted to tattoo some sort of sworn allegiance to them on my chest, when I noticed that the fuzz-tone wail was getting louder and louder in my headphones. Strangely louder. And then I realized that the loudness was actually coming from outside my headphones, and turned to see that a pontoon plane was landing on the river nearby. That's always cool to see, an airplane landing on water, the splash and the glide and the waves that it makes. And it seemed to fit the music so well, the power of it, and since the plane was coming from the north, I thought, huh, wouldn't that be cool if it was coming from Canada, maybe carrying Fucked Up down to the city to play a show. And that thought, and the image of the plane landing on the water from Canada, made me remember one of the less-great albums ever made by the greatest Canadian feedback-and-distortion rocker of them all. And that even though it was one of his less-great albums, there were still some songs on it that I liked. READ MORE

I eat a lot of Questionable Things, with gravy on ’em and stuff, so I thought I maybe should find some ways to improve my diet, and to that end, I have been eating a lot of those “Energy Bar” CLIF® bar things lately, in order to be Healthy, you know? I mean, it’s like this, I thought instead of a greasy baconeggandcheese every morning from the place on the corner, I would instead enjoy CLIF® bar at my desk (along with two giant glasses of water, which is also Healthy, but mostly because otherwise a goddamn CLIF® bar will choke you out because they are so compacted with Energy or Nutrients or whatever), so I went to the “Price Club,” which is always on a road called “Price Club Drive” or else it is a numbered road, like “Route 582” and you are right, going to a “Price Club” sounds like a Bad Idea in terms of cultivating Sensible Eating habits, because, stereotypically, a lot of the customers at these “Price Club” places are Obese, and also you walk around and there are all these “free samples” stands all over the place with hair-net ladies in aprons working electric skillets and frying stuff and announcing what they are handing out, and hey, it’s Free Samples, so you start walking faster toward one with your oversized shopping cart and then you just get your nose open and you are a sightless animal wheeling around the aisles, reacting only to scent and sound of stuff frying, headed toward “Hello, try some Chicken Quesadilla” and “Hey Turkey Pot Roast,” which you think might be good for you almost, or at least way-less bad than regular cancer-meat pot roast since it’s made out of Turkey? But don’t fall for it. READ MORE

In the light of this week’s controversy over whether or not coffee makes you smarter, Jonah Lehrer’s "The Truth Wears Off" in the New Yorker seems particularly well-timed. (Lehrer discussed this in-depth here last night.) His topic is the “decline effect,” in which the positive results of an experiment are less and less able to be replicated over time, and he paints a picture of the scientific community as a self-reenforcing echo chamber. Like FOX News, sort of. Not because they’re terrible people, scientists (or because they're all Democrats!) but just because they are people. And people like to be proven right, not wrong. And also studies showing results that prove or bolster a groundbreaking discovery are much more likely to be published than those that show inconclusive results. READ MORE

"The six juices, numbered and meant to be drunk in a particular order, looked so tasty. What’s not to like about spicy lemonade, or pineapple with mint? Cashew milk flavored with vanilla and cinnamon was a little cloying, but... I mean, c’mon, cashews, the George Clooney of nuts. When it came to the green juice, I read the label and tried hard to concentrate on the 'lemon' and 'apple' parts of the equation: romaine, celery, cucumber, green apple, spinach, kale, parsley, lemon. Bright side: no beets. Here’s the thing. That green juice? It was like drinking everything bad that ever happened to me in high school." READ MORE

I was walking to the Awl offices this morning and I got all the exercise I need for a month, according to a city Health Department study. SUCK IT, medical professionals who worry about my triglycerides! I am fit as a fucking fiddle! I will NEVER DIE! I can take cabs for the rest of December and still make it through the end of the Nads in one piece! I AM IMMORTAL and all it took was one lousy walk. God, I love this town.

Because I have not yet offended every female Awl reader, I would like to point out that it is breast cancer awareness month. [Ed Note: *Hides under desk.*] A consumer holiday created by businesses that discovered placing a pink ribbon on any piece of shit product is a huge sales driver. Yes: "Brands will continue to benefit from identifying and contributing to a positive social purpose that makes sense for their business, with 64 percent of people globally saying they would recommend a brand that supports a good cause (up from 52 percent in 2008)," says the Edelman 2009 Goodpurpose Survey. READ MORE

The AIDS Vaccine Conference begins today in Paris, and so we are treated to this AIDS vaccine op-ed in today's Times on the topic of that recent study we've been ignoring. It's not a crazy argument that the writer-who is Mr. Let's Make a Vaccine Foundation-is making: that we shouldn't dismiss that Thai AIDS vaccine study, even though it didn't actually work. READ MORE

Good news! You know that skinny bitch-or bastard-whose taut limbs are a constant retribution to your own lifestyle choices? He or she is gonna die sooner than you! "Scientists have found that men and women whose thighs are less than 60cm (23.6ins) in circumference are more likely to suffer from cardiovascular disease, and die prematurely, compared to people with thicker thighs." It's not all positive, though: "They also found, however, that the apparent advantage of bigger thighs did not continue beyond the 60cm threshold. People with thighs much wider than 60cm did not fair any better than those whose thighs hovered just above the threshold." Still, the next time you see some disgusting Williamsburg hipster wearing shorts that stop at his balls, take comfort in the fact that he's not long for this world.