Half Baked: Snow Day Cookies @1:30 PM
It is absolutely no fun out there, unless you’re a kid I guess, because kids, like, don’t feel weather the way that we feel weather I AM TOTALLY CONVINCED OF THIS. Right? When you were a kid all you needed was a snowsuit and a pair of Freezy Freakies and you were all set to stay outdoors for ten or so hours. Now? The two and a half Midtown blocks between my office and the subway might as well have been a day spent in Pine Barrens chasing a drunk Russian. READ MORE 36
Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip @3:46 PM
And now the second of our Super Bowl-applicable recipes!
Dear Jewish and/or poor friends—have you ever wondered what WASPs eat? Trick question. WASPs don’t eat! They drink. But they do like to put food out and feign eating. There are three WASP foodstuffs for setting out and feigning eating, but the one I’m here to talk to you about today is mayonnaise. (The other two, cucumbers and shrimp, are only around because they’re pink and green and cold, and WASPs like food created in their own image.) READ MORE 86
Half Baked: Guacamole by the Ceviche Method @2:45 PM
This, the first of two recipes we will provide for you for this weekend's festivities, is even easier than you think! Yes you can! USA, USA!
Even if you don’t like football, and have not watched a single match this season, America demands that you will gather with friends on Sunday and drink beer and watch a game. If only to see the commercials. Really, it’s the least you can do. The advertising agency spends the whole year selflessly making all our lives better. This is their big night. They’ve spent so much money—$2.6 million for every 30 seconds, more than they’ve ever spent before—that you owe it to them, we all owe it them, to watch. And you must do this in company. And gamble money on things you don’t understand. You will be drunk. Suck it up and enjoy. READ MORE 34
Half Baked, with Jolie Kerr: The Real Recipe for Pink Panty Pulldown Punch @12:00 PM
With Valentine's Day nearly upon us, you may be looking for a lovely pink drink to serve your beloved.
This is not that drink.
This is the drink you make when you want to get your beloved utterly blotto on Valentine's Day (ANAL). But let’s be honest, shall we? You won’t be serving this to your paramour, you unlovable piece of shit, you’ll be making it for the sad, sad SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE party you’re desperately trying to convince yourself is exactly—EXACTLY! I’D HAVE IT NO OTHER WAY! ME? I’M SOOOOO GLAD I’M SINGLE!—how you want to be celebrating Valentine’s Day. READ MORE 101
Half Baked, with Tom Scocca: Stir-Fried Romaine Lettuce @11:10 AM
This barely is a recipe at all, which is the reason for it. Who is interested in cooking a side vegetable? But if you are feeding yourself, you need to include side vegetables or you will eventually develop chronic ailments. If you are feeding other people, they will be gratified by the variety and will feel properly cared-for. Multiple dishes! A balanced meal! Here is a way to do that with as little effort and attention as possible, and with only a minor amount of danger. You need: garlic. Salt. Cooking oil. One head of romaine lettuce. READ MORE 15
Cooking the Books, with Emily Gould: Making Malfatti with Amy Sohn @12:43 PM
Cooking the Books, with Emily Gould, was shot and edited by Val Temple. This week's guest, Amy Sohn, is the author of Prospect Park West, a tale of four married women in baby-friendly Brooklyn. (The recipe for malfatti, should you like to play along at home, is here.) (Previously.) 23
