Posts Tagged: God
2

Stupid And/Or Corrupt Politics Coverage Mocked

This is amazing. I wish it was sponsored by the Kochs though.

2

The "Best" Internet Pictures of the Quitter Pope

When this Ratzinger character first became the pope in 2005, it finally seemed like there really was a God … and He obviously loved all the funny pictures and animated GIFs and Star Wars references and constant talk about Hitler on the Internet. Joseph Ratzinger was many things, none of them good, yet paradoxically he was also so very, very good for the Internet. In a way, he was the Internet in human form, much as Jesus Christ or Shiva or Thor were all supposedly God in human form.

Anyway, such great material! We're all going to miss him very much. Sadly, the next pope ("The Last Pope," according [...]

9

Love Among the Mismatched

How can an atheist and a theist build a relationship?

22

In California, the Winners Aren't Apologizing To God For Being Liberal

While Barack Obama celebrated his re-election with a wooden victory speech that was more about Christian American God than the human beings who stood in lines to keep him in the White House, in California nobody is apologizing for big liberal wins. Governor Jerry Brown worked his Proposition 30 tax increase hard, constantly flying up and down the state on Southwest, speaking Latin and Greek to the delight and confusion of media people, and making it very clear (in English) that the rival Proposition 38 was a scam funded by a multimillionaire wingnut. Brown's tax on the very rich won, by eight points, and Brown claimed victory with [...]

12

You'd Better Work Things Out With God Before It Rains This Weekend

"I don't know what to expect from this hurricane on its way toward the East Coast. It could be devastating for some or nothing at all. Nevertheless, it's always a good time to get right with God. Your life can be snatched away at any time without warning. So, when we get them, we should take heed. Listen to God. Read His book. Obey the commandments. Listen to His voice. Seek forgiveness for your sins. Pray for the redemption of your loved ones. Pray for the redemption of your country." —Man, when did weather reports get so depressing?

14

Disgruntled Athlete Takes It Up With Higher Power

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I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPadStevie JohnsonStevieJohnson13

It's an unverified account, so who knows, but really, too good not to share: "Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson(notes) dropped an easy, game-winning touchdown pass against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday. After the [...]

5

'World's Worst Wedding DJ' Video: Ends In Tears

The victim-perpetrators of the World's Worst Wedding DJ video speak: "It wasn't a routine or anything."

4

U.S. Women Quickly Dropping Dead In Southern & Rural Counties; Is God To Blame?

After many decades of winning the war on death, American women are now losing their lifespan gains over men. Especially in the Deep South and in rural counties, American women in their early 70s are now dropping off at a terrifying rate—70 should be long enough for anyone, but a girl child born today has an expected lifespan of 81 years, while boy children born today have the male disadvantage of a 76-year lifespan.

The question is why women are losing this advantage, if living longer can even be considered an advantage, especially in the Deep South or America's Heartland or the rural Western states.

According to Fox [...]

7

God Still Trying To Figure Out Whether San Francisco Should Beat Baltimore

"More than one-third (36%) of Americans who live in the South agree that God plays a role in determining which team wins a sporting event, compared to nearly 3-in-10 (28%) Americans who live in the Midwest, 1-in-5 (20%) Americans who live in the Northeast, and 15% of Americans who live in the West. Republicans (25%) are, however, equally as likely as Democrats (28%) and independents (26%) to agree that God plays a role in determining which team wins a sporting event." —It's almost time for America's annual passion play. Let's hope God can take a break from killing Muslim kids in Syria to bless the most-deserving group of gigantic [...]

22

Marco Rubio's Post-Modern Explanations For the Holy Bible

Alleged 2016 GOP hopeful Marco Rubio was interviewed by his favorite magazine, GQ. And now Twitter is all abuzz because the Republican senator from Florida claimed that the Earth's age is one of the Great Mysteries. In the Q&A, Rubio says: "Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."

The scientific elite scorn such talk, because of course they have used "science instruments" to figure out that the Earth is 4.54 billion years old—when the rest of our solar system took shape. But this semi-precise [...]

6

God Was For Rape Before He Was Against It

"God does not want rape, and by no means was I suggesting that He does. Rape is a horrible thing, and for anyone to twist my words otherwise is absurd and sick." —Indiana Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock clarifies his declaration that "even when life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen."

8

Two Bros Bro Down on "Is the Web Making Journalism, Like, Bad?"

So this is happening: "To accompany The Economist's special report on the news industry, Jay Rosen and Nicholas Carr are debating whether the Internet is making journalism better." Mmmmkay….

Jay: LIKE, YES. IT IS, SO MUCH BETTER.

Nicholas: Do you say so, chappie?

Jay: UH HUH.

Nicholas: I will debate with you! The webs are making journalism far worse than it is.

Jay: HOWEVER COULD THAT BE, THE HEARST CHICAGO-AMERICAN, YELLOW JOURNALISM, CORPORATE OVERLORDS, YADDA YADDA. GOOGLE PLUS, BRIAN STELTER, NYU STUDENTS, PUBLIC-PRIVATE PARTNERSHIPS.

Nicholas: I WENT TO HARVARD AND I MAKE WELL INTO THE SIX FIGURES.

Jay: SOMETHING SOMETHING AJ LIEBLING.

They ramble on about their [...]

5

God's Pornographer

"I have always felt sorry for God. If you're a deity, the price of monotheism is eternal celibacy, and that can't be much fun. More recently, it occurred to me that God's abstinence isn't good for anyone. The universe is not ageing very gracefully, given the preponderance of dark energy. So I started to think that it would be a good thing if God got busy again, procreatively speaking. After all, it's been nearly 14 billion years since the big bang. Since God doesn't acknowledge the existence of other divinities, let alone recognize their potential sex appeal, I figured my best option would be to make some celestial porn." —Jonathon [...]

14

Burn, Sinners! It's the National Day of Prayer!

Against the wishes of a judge in Wisconsin, President Obama issued a proclamation marking May 6, 2010 as a National Day of Prayer.

As expected, sectarians of every faith engaged in an orgy of sacral violence against atheists, liberals, and gays-incidentally killing almost the entire membership and clergy of the Episcopal Church. In Manhattan this morning, the screams of sinners about to face their final Judge were accompanied by a live performance by Jars of Clay on the former Today Show set.

1

Boy, Are Italian Bishops' Faces Red

"Italian bishops thank God for wrong pope"

4

CNN Executives Carefully Reviewing Reader Submission From Atheist Mom

Look at this headline, if your faith is strong enough: "Why I Raise My Children Without God." Whoa, what is going on at CNN.com? Did someone forget that CNN's job is to protect God from weird blog posts by random moms in Texas? What if a child finds out there's no God? Oh don't worry, we're pretty sure Newtown took care of that, for the current generation of five-year-olds. And now our children supposedly shouldn't be narcissists? Is that even American, to not think the entire world and also an All-Powerful Deity exists solely to get you certain presents and make you a rapper on reality television someday?

[...]
15

68% of Republican Voters Believe In Literal Demon Possession

Here's something for Nate Silver to work on, now that the election is over and he won the New York Times World Cup of Poker: What should we make of the fact (!) that 68% of Republicans believe that actual demons routinely "possess" humans here on Earth? How is that going to trend or lean or whatever, during the next election cycle, or after a bold demon marketing attack on America?

Public Policy Polling did a "lighthearted" Halloween survey last week (PDF), and the results should not make you too relaxed about the next four years, or the Thousand Year Reign of Satan, or anything really. When more than [...]

26

Pretty Much Irrefutable Proof That There Is A God

I know how cool we all like to play it because we’re so young and so beautiful and nothing bad will ever happen to us in our lives! Our youth and our beauty will protect us. But our grandparents were once young if maybe not quite as beautiful. Everything ends eventually, and at some point you may want to start hedging your bets and believing in a higher power, if only to get the goodies that comes along with the benefits of membership. I’d much rather spend the afterlife playing golf with President Coolidge and Charlotte Bronte than not-existing. Or burning in Hell with all the popes ever, for that [...]

17

God's Wife Almost Got Screwed Out Of The Bible

Did you know that God had a wife? You probably did not! Why would you have, when men have tried to keep the truth from you for so long? Mrs. God, also known as Asherah, was worshiped alongside her husband as a symbol of fertility, until a bunch of guys who wanted a single-serving dude-focused deity attempted to write her character out of the Bible. And if it weren't for a bunch of researchers and theologians, they would have gotten away with it.

20

YouTube Delivers Fresh High School Violence Every Day

Here is a secret thing I do sometimes, when I'm feeling old: I search for school fight videos on YouTube, and revel in not being in school. Because school is awful, just like this video from Los Banos High School, in beautiful Merced, clearly shows. High school was always a pretty terrible place, with violence and math, the two worst things ever. Just now it's online. Which is very disturbing.