Posts tagged as God
You'd Better Work Things Out With God Before It Rains This Weekend
"I don't know what to expect from this hurricane on its way toward the East Coast. It could be devastating for some or nothing at all. Nevertheless, it's always a good time to get right with God. Your life can be snatched away at any time without warning. So, when we get them, we should take heed. Listen to God. Read His book. Obey the commandments. Listen to His voice. Seek forgiveness for your sins. Pray for the redemption of your loved ones. Pray for the redemption of your country." READ MORE
Two Bros Bro Down on "Is the Web Making Journalism, Like, Bad?"
So this is happening: "To accompany The Economist's special report on the news industry, Jay Rosen and Nicholas Carr are debating whether the Internet is making journalism better." Mmmmkay.... READ MORE
God's Wife Almost Got Screwed Out Of The Bible
Did you know that God had a wife? You probably did not! Why would you have, when men have tried to keep the truth from you for so long? Mrs. God, also known as Asherah, was worshiped alongside her husband as a symbol of fertility, until a bunch of guys who wanted a single-serving dude-focused deity attempted to write her character out of the Bible. And if it weren't for a bunch of researchers and theologians, they would have gotten away with it. READ MORE
Disgruntled Athlete Takes It Up With Higher Power
I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...
Stevie Johnson
StevieJohnson13
It's an unverified account, so who knows, but really, too good not to share: "Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson(notes) dropped an easy, game-winning touchdown pass against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday. After the game, Johnson placed the blame for the flub not on himself nor the pass nor the lights nor the defender nor the pressure of the situation. Nope; he blamed it on the big guy upstairs." A spokesman for God responded that the incident was "nothing personal, but tormenting Bills fans is the only enjoyable part of His job."
God's Pornographer
"I have always felt sorry for God. If you're a deity, the price of monotheism is eternal celibacy, and that can't be much fun. More recently, it occurred to me that God's abstinence isn't good for anyone. The universe is not ageing very gracefully, given the preponderance of dark energy. So I started to think that it would be a good thing if God got busy again, procreatively speaking. After all, it's been nearly 14 billion years since the big bang. Since God doesn't acknowledge the existence of other divinities, let alone recognize their potential sex appeal, I figured my best option would be to make some celestial porn." READ MORE
YouTube Delivers Fresh High School Violence Every Day
Here is a secret thing I do sometimes, when I'm feeling old: I search for school fight videos on YouTube, and revel in not being in school. Because school is awful, just like this video from Los Banos High School, in beautiful Merced, clearly shows. High school was always a pretty terrible place, with violence and math, the two worst things ever. Just now it's online. Which is very disturbing. READ MORE
'World's Worst Wedding DJ' Video: Ends In Tears
The victim-perpetrators of the World's Worst Wedding DJ video speak: "It wasn't a routine or anything."
God's Not In Right Now, But If You'd Like To Leave A Message...
Vexed French bishops are expressing their displeasure against a confessional service "set up at the beginning of the Christian fasting period of Lent by Paris-based telephone messaging service AABAS" for the benefit of penitents who are too busy to get themselves to a church. The Daily Mail reports that the clerics reject Phoneline to the Lord as "utterly unacceptable," noting the sacramental value of parishioner-to-priest contact. The phoneline "charges users 30p a minute to confess their sins to an automated answering machine," which sounds to me about as good a description of God as you're likely to get. READ MORE
