"On May 1, 2003, Bush became the first sitting President to make an arrested landing in a fixed-wing aircraft on an aircraft carrier when he arrived at the USS Abraham Lincoln in a Lockheed S-3 Viking, dubbed Navy One, as the carrier lay just off the San Diego coast, having returned from combat operations in the Persian Gulf. He posed for photographs with pilots and members of the ship's crew while wearing a flight suit. A few hours later, he gave a speech announcing the end of major combat operations in the Iraq War. Far above him was the warship's banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' Bush was criticized for the [...]

Only a decade ago, it seemed horrifyingly certain that the United States was the exclusive realm of screeching old white people who defined themselves by their consumption of guns, gasoline and corn-syrup anusburgers. The president was a blue-blooded Yale (and Harvard!) man who successfully acted like a moronic Texan suburban cowboy who was always either giggling over his ability to execute retarded people or crying about Jesus. A once smart nation seemed to be operated entirely from shoddily constructed stucco megachurches on the exurban fringe of the world's ugliest sunbelt sprawl. It was depressing, but it was also probably the peak of all that awful bullshit. The "Nones"—[...]

"Next comes a reproduction of the Oval Office and an ersatz Rose Garden, complete with colonnade. In a virtual game room, or 'sophisticated leadership training simulator,' visitors will have a chance to respond to the many crises that Bush faced, including the invasion of Iraq, Hurricane Katrina and the 2008 financial meltdown. Bush will then appear on video and explain his rationale for what he calls 'decision points,' the key choices of his administration — some of which helped render him one of the least popular presidents in history." —Remember that guy who broke the country? Where is he now?

A couple weeks ago, I walked passed a group of high school-aged girls on the street. One of them was talking about another girl, who was not in their group. "She needs to CHILL the fuck DOWN!" the girl said, gesticulating. A slip of the tongue, I thought. A malapropism, like something George W. Bush might have said while giving a speech in front of thousands of people. But then the girl repeated herself. "Seriously," she said. "She'd better chill down."

"Give me a chance. Maybe in eight years, I'll be the president." —The first order of business for President Jay-Z? Getting Kanye West and George Bush together for a learning-moment beer. Is there any way that this will not, in fact, happen some day?

I had some questions for George W. Bush, but the ex-president is more elusive than Kanye West. I just couldn't figure out how to get a hold of him. What follows is my fake conversation with the son of the forty-first President of the United States of America. Which is to say, he actually said these things once. Just not to me.

LM: Mr. President! Just the person I've been looking for. I've been meaning to talk to you about this number kicking around mainstream media lately. I mean, I guess it's more of a proportion. A percentage, really. But a percentage just shows how two numbers [...]

New Facebook member George W. Bush posted his first video to his page yesterday. The audio on this rip makes it sound like he's got a bad case of cottonmouth, but he has definitely jacked up his Texas accent in the year and a half since he's been gone. I can't quite put my finger on who, but he looks like someone famous, right? I'm thinking country singer or older actor who does "character" roles. It's puzzling. Anyway, reviews thus far are mixed, ranging from "Ohh how I miss you in the White house…. GOD HELP THE USA!!!!" to "You are a pathetic sick old man and [...]

"It took the case and decided it at a time when it was still a big election issue. Maybe the court should have said, 'We're not going to take it, goodbye.'" —Remember when five justices on the Supreme Court appointed George W. Bush president and then he went on to break America? Sandra Day O'Connor now thinks maybe possible might ought to have steered clear of the whole thing. Oh well. We still had a pretty good run. [Via]

A series on the stuff that delighted us on the Internet this year.

Watergate, The Night Stalker, the Church Committee, Rod Serling's "Night Gallery," the Pascagoula Abduction and the Jonestown Massacre: this was my 1970s youth. My mom, who recalls taking pro-communist flyers from Lee Harvey Oswald outside the downtown New Orleans building where she worked as a secretary, once lifted a tobacco pipe left behind by Jim Garrison at a cocktail party, and kept it in a place of honor. My dad would occasionally reference the mysterious classified part of his job at NASA in Texas, on the team that prepared the Eagle [...]

Guess who the least popular living ex-president is? The answer may—nah, you know it.

The children to whom George W. Bush was reading The Pet Goat when he first got word of the 9/11 attacks: where are they now? They're right here. Also, they're 16, which… man.

Remember this guy? According to Matt Lauer, he "seems to be completely at peace with his surroundings." Isn't that great? Aren't you totally comforted by the fact that the dude is fully Zen? Doesn't it cheer you to know that the fella who set the bag ablaze can live life with an overwhelming sense of rectitude and equanimity? Seriously, this is good news for all of us: George W. Bush is showing America that no matter how badly you fuck things up, there's still a chance for personal redemption. I mean, that's what I'm taking away from it.

"Did we head into a tough period in the last six months in office? Sure. Was it a result of policies in his administration? I think there will be serious debate about that. We'll be debating about it a long time." -Former Commerce Secretary Donald Evans discusses the record of the George W. Bush administration. Bush was president for 8 years and had a rubber-stamp legislature for 6 of them, but, hell, I guess we should wait until all the facts come in to really judge. Anyway, get excited for the second week in November, because Bush is back.

Good news, everybody: George W. Bush is on Facebook! Insert your own privacy policy joke here.

"No matter how much people dislike someone when he/she is in office, the longer that person is out of office the more difficult it is to sustain that dislike. We have very short collective political memories…. That collective forgetting goes double for [George W.] Bush, who, more than any recent president, has stayed out of the public eye since leaving office. He is rarely quoted on any subject and largely eschews any attempts – beyond his memoir — to analyze what went right and wrong with his presidency…. Given the current direction of Bush’s numbers, it’s uniquely possible — heck, it’s likely — that by the 10th anniversary of him [...]

When Joe Biden and Zombie Ayn Rand Paul Ryan begin their televised debate Thursday night, hundreds of professional media employees will be "liveblogging" the proceedings for hundreds of topical websites, from the New York Times to (maybe?) PerezHilton.com. Millions of otherwise sane humans will turn on the television and then frantically reload the websites of their favorite bloggers while simultaneously making their own jokes on Twitter, Facebook and probably in the comments of the aforementioned websites. After digesting and processing thousands of one-liners and spot reactions and weird jokes about the candidates' genitalia, the now-informed electorate will "pick the best candidate," which is a fake Big Bird account on [...]

I suppose it's possible that somebody once might have said, "Jesus Christ, George W. Bush, you're no Winston Churchill," but other than that I have a hard time ever imagining those three names in the same sentence, let alone as ideal dining companions.

"As a postmodern text, many passages in the book are pastiches of moments from other books, including scenes that Bush himself did not witness. These are taken from the memoirs of members of the Bush administration and journalistic accounts such as Bob Woodward’s Plan of Attack and Bush at War. To complete the cycle of postmodernity, there are bits of dialogue lifted from Woodward, who is notorious for inventing dialogue." —Are you interested in a Foucauldian reading of George W. Bush's Decision Points? You probably are! I mean, it's not like anything else is happening today.